92 SAVED IDEAS
Breakups are hard as it is, but it gets more complicated when we are trying to move on from someone that wasn’t even our romantic partner.
An unrealized relationship is when we put someone on a pedestal, assuming that ours would be a great match. When nothing materializes and life takes a turn, it can be just as heartbreaking as a real romantic relationship and one can feel grief, sadness, rejection and disappointment.
One can fall for a friend who is dating someone else and does not share the same feelings. Office infatuation is common, often with people who are unavailable or unapproachable.
Even if the pain wasn’t logical, it is still pain. The need of the hour is to talk to your support group and cry if the need arises. If you need to go out, have some fun, grieve, sulk and simply express what you feeling, letting your heart out.
If talking isn’t your thing, you can put your feelings and thoughts in a journal, which is a great healing tool. If the person you have fallen for is your friend, you might want to move away from a friendship or take a break to allow your healing.
Time can heal these feelings of imaginary love or infatuation, which is often unrequited. Such feelings are an indication of our own emptiness, as we try to fill the vacuum by allowing such emotions to take shape.
Professional counselling can help find the root cause of this loneliness that is causing such feelings, especially if it happens often.
And we tend to interpret the pain incorrectly - we connect rejection to our self-worth, which makes us feel worse.
Rejection can benefit you. It can build resilience and help you grow and use the lessons you learn to future setbacks.
People often look to external forces to feel validated instead of internal ones. When rejection comes to your dream opportunity, try to remember that your career path is not a straight line. Not every experience will move you forward.
Rejection does not end your goal. Think of rejection as growth. It could guide you to a new path that will eventually lead you to better places, even if it sometimes takes a bit longer to get there.
It's very easy to idealize the other person and the relationship while experiencing rejection. Sometimes, a breakup can make you feel inadequate and unworthy.
List all the traits you didn't appreciate about your partner to help you become aware of how you were incompatible and pinpoint the characteristics you want in the next relationship. When looking for other potential partners, try to ask questions about the values that are vital to you.
Friendship breakups can hurt more than romantic ones. It is necessary to realise that friends come and go. You can use it as an opportunity to ask yourself if this is the type of person you want to be friends with.
After some time has passed and you find yourself missing that friendship, reach out to see if the person wants to get together. Allowing some time to pass can help people approach a friendship with a new perspective.
Family members rejecting each other can be particularly painful. If a family member has rejected you, turn to online forums to connect or reach out to friends to find support from others in a similar situation. See how others effectively handled the situation.
We often assume there's nothing we can do about it, but when you educate yourself, you begin to understand why you feel the way you do.
Sometimes we think we're being rejected when that is not true. Not getting a lot of likes on a post or seeing your friends having fun without you can make you feel inadequate.
But you can use social media in a positive way.
The history of Valentine's Day can be traced back to ancient Rome.
From 13 to 15 February, ancient Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia. Roman men sacrificed goats before using their skins to whip women, believing this would make them fertile.
At the end of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius I declared 14 February to be Valentine's Day. He attempted to reclaim the festival of the Romans and Christianise it.
It is not certain which St Valentine this day was initially dedicated to. Both saints were martyred in Rome: Valentine of Terni around AD 197 and Valentine of Rome around AD 496.
In 1382, Geoffrey Chaucer wrote his poem Parlement of Foules. The poem contains the first recorded instance of St Valentine's Day being linked to romantic love.
"For this was on seynt Volantynys day
Whan euery foul comyth there to chese his make."
Some argue that Chaucer was talking of May time when birds are more likely to mate in England. This coincides with the feast of St Valentine of Genoa that falls in May.
The first Valentine's day cards were sent in the 18th century.
Initially, it was handmade cards. Lovers would decorate paper with romantic symbols like flowers and love knots. It often included puzzles and lines of poetry. These cards were then slipped secretly under a door, or tied to a door-knocker. Pre-printed cards initially appeared in Georgian Britain, although they only became popular later on.
In the early 19th-century, the industrialisation of Britain brought with it advances in printing and manufacturing technologies. Mass-produced Valentine's cards became very popular.
A collection of over 1,700 cards is still held at the Museum of London. Cards feature elaborate paper lacework, embossing, and other intricate designs. Typical imagery includes flowers, love knots, and cupid. Hearts were sometimes used, but the Victorian cards did not feature red hearts like they do today.
The less loved-up bought 'Vinegar Valentines' to use as an insult. These cards typically poke fun at a man's profession or a woman's appearance.
One example is a card that features a cartoon of a woman with a large nose. It reads:
"On account of your talk of others’ affairs
At most dances you sit warming the chairs.
Because of the care with which you attend
To all others’ business you haven’t a friend."
In the mid-19th century, Valentine's cards gained popularity in America, where they were first advertised as a British fashion.
In 1913, Hallmark Cards produced their own Valentin's card, representing a key development in Valentine's Day's commercialisation. Today Valentine's Day also includes buying flowers, jewellery, perfume, and chocolates.
We can't deny that drama surrounds us everywhere we go. We can see it on social media or on television and despite of our best intentions to not get involved, we can't seem to avert our attention away from it.
From a biological standpoint, we are hardwired to love the novelty, the constant stimulation that the drama provides. However, drama does not lead us towards meaningful lives and it keeps us from the stillness and reflection and deep conversation that make our lives meaningful.
The Karpman Drama Triangle was developed in 1968 by psychologist Stephen Karpman in order to exhibit our dysfunctional behavior towards interpersonal drama.
He recognized the feelings of entertainment and addiction towards conflicts despite of its harmful effects to our mental health. There are three roles in a conflict:
Do you tend to hear your partner out when she’s sharing his or her perspective or do you jump in quickly to point out the problems with their views?
Try listening and giving your partner space to share their opinions—it’s easier to find a compromise or the best solution when everyone has a chance to share their thoughts.
When things go wrong for your partner—on the job, with friends, or personally—do you tend to identify the faults in them that may have led to their difficulties or do you offer support and a willing ear?
Tearing down your partner when the world is doing a good job of this already does no good for your relationship.
If your partner is taking on a new challenge or trying to solve a problem or fix something that’s broken, do you complain about their success and pace or do you offer encouragement and act as a cheerleader?
Improve your partner’s chance of success by giving them space and positive encouragement. You should view yourselves as a team, not as rivals.
If you have a set way of looking at the world or doing things that are 180-degrees different from your partner’s, don’t nag them to change how they do things; respect the differences that exist and let yourself off the hook for being the “expert” in everything.
If a partner needs to work late, do you threaten them that they’d better be back on time, or that they’d better be telling the truth about their plans?
Learning to trust your partner’s commitment can ease a relationship’s path.
If your partner forgets to pick up groceries on the way home from work or forgets to set the alarm on a Monday morning, do you tend to insult or belittle them?
Learn to accept the imperfection of others, as you expect others to accept in yourself.
When you want to convince your partner to do something your way, do you try to bribe them with promises of giving in to their requests later?
Healthy adult relationships don’t function well when disagreements feel more like payoffs than negotiations or mediations.