Love & Family

65 STASHED IDEAS

"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. It is a happy chance, if we, changing, continue to love a changed person."

Emiliano L. (@emil32) - Profile Photo

@emil32

Love & Family

Studies about personal development and romantic passion have been conducted in order to understand the correlation between the two. It's been shown that shared personal development increases the passion of both partners and the relationship's quality.

However, if only one partner endures personal development this reduces the passion, level of satisfaction, and intimacy in the relationship.

"Be with someone who wants to see you grow."

Profound love involves kindness, generosity, and sympathetic joy for the beloved's success.

We will go through changes throughout our lives and if we see our partners as "above" or "beneath" us it will eventually become problematic because this places an unnecessary comparison in the relationship.

People who look for a partner that is superior to them may be suffering from low self-esteem and have the need to glorify themselves through a partner that adores them.

Envy in Romantic Relationships

Differences in romantic relationships are inevitable. Any person involved in a relationship has experienced envy in one way or another, may it be for a short amount of time or chronically.

Envy is the experience of feeling undeservedly inferior and this feeling is particularly damaging as any shared experiences between the people involved will be impacted.

In the marriage between esteemed novelist, Jonathan Franzen and his wife Kathryn Chetkovich, who was a writer herself, had experienced envy.

Her envy towards the success of her husband led to her writing an essay about how envy had affected their marriage, even to the point of punishing Franzen by refusing sexual advances and to where she said "If I could not be happy, I was ready to make us both miserable."

Looking at the short-term effects of inequality in relationships, it doesn't seem to do much harm as it often increases sexual desire.

However, unequal relationships will soon be laced with contempt, leading to divorce and extramarital affairs for both partners.

Decluttering Your Friends

Some friendships are past their time, and the red flag to note is when a person isn’t replenished or energized in any way after spending time with a friend.

Another sign is when a life event or milestone (like a change in job location or marriage) drifts apart an old friendship. If you lose a favourite person, an alternative is to become your own favourite person.

As time passes by, walls get built up in friendships, and one does not know where one stands with a friend anymore. When friendships start to become transactional, conditional, just for convenience, or hollow, it is time to say goodbye.

Decluttering your friends is a way to pay gratitude to yourself and start to live authentically, without obligations. Life is not static for anyone, and it is always good to move on.

Familial Disconnection

Parents and their children aren't 100% attuned towards each other and that is a normal phenomenon. A study showed that even a healthy and securely attached family, the parents and their children, were only in sync 30% of the time. The remaining 70% shows that there were miscommunications and mismatches.

In addition to this, caregivers who meet all of their child's needs perfectly could impede the child's development.

Strengthening The Family Fabric
  • Spend "special time" with each child individually in order to create more space to deepen your relationship with them on a one-on-one basis. Let them choose the activities you'll be doing at your special time.
  • Appreciate your child out loud, practice gratitude, and notice the good that your children have done throughout the day or the week.
  • Learn to respect and enjoy one another's presence without the over-reliance on power and authority that might lead to an issue.
Four Steps To An Authentic Repair
  1. Acknowledge the offense. Let the person affected know that you are taking accountability for your words and your actions.
  2. Express remorse. A sincere "I'm sorry" is sufficient. Let go of the fear that you might be letting go of your power.
  3. Consider offering a brief explanation, only if the person is willing to listen to your side of the story but focus on apologizing.
  4. Express your sincere intention to fix the situation and prevent it from happening again
Importance of Repair and Ruptures

It is only natural for us to have disagreements without family members, however, being able to repair the rupture done is one of the most essential things in parenting.

A bid for repair is an important part of communication because you're exhibiting the value of not only the person but also of your relationship with them.

Committed couples do have more sex than everyone else. But Americans who are not having that much physical intimacy are just as happy as their more active counterparts.

Sexual frequency declines 3.2 percent a year after the age of 25. But the good news is that what married couples lack in quantity they make up for in quality. *

  • Romantic love: Based on passion and sexual attraction
  • Best friends: Fondness and deep affection
  • Logical: Practical feelings based on shared values, financial goals, religion etc.
  • Playful: Elicit feelings by flirtation or feeling challenged
  • Possessive: Jealousy and obsession
  • Unselfish: Nurturing, kindness, and sacrifice

In our most committed relationship, we feel a combination of two or three different forms of love. Understanding what forms of love your partner appreciates can help your relationship.

Ways you can protect your relationship:

  • Avoid opportunity. Avoid situations that could lead to bad decisions, such as late nights with colleagues.
  • Plan ahead for temptation. Remind yourself of steps you will take to avoid temptation and protect your relationship.
  • Picture your beloved. Focus on loving thoughts and the joy of your family.
  • Keep your relationship interesting.

Fights about money are really about a couple's values and shared goals and seldom about finances itself.

  • Be honest about all your spending.
  • Maintain some financial independence. Both sides can have their discretionary pot of money to spend on whatever they want.
  • Invest in the relationship. When you do have money to spend, spend it on the relationship.

The top three predictors of a happy marriage among parents are:

  • Sexual intimacy
  • Commitment to the relationship.
  • Generosity. It's about sharing, caring and kind gestures you make toward your partner every day.
  • Stay generous toward your partner. Continue to express your affection. Do small things for your partner like bringing them coffee.
  • Personal growth. If your partner is helping you become a better person, you become happier and more content.
  • Be decisive. Intentionally define your relationship.
  • Invest in relationships with friends and family.
  • To strengthen a marriage, consider asking less. That means leaning on others for emotional support from time to time.
  • Watch a love story. A movie about relationships can help couples work out problems in the real world.

Learn to fight constructively. The aim is to leave you feeling better about your partner.

  • Identify the complaint, not the criticism.
  • Avoid "you" phrases. '"You never" and "You always" followed by criticism.
  • Consider your pronouns. Starting your sentence with "I" or "We" will help identify problems, rather than blaming.
  • Body language. No eye-rolling, folded arms, or crossed legs. Look at your partner when you speak.
  • Learn to de-escalate. Useful phrases include "What if we...", "I hear what you're saying..."

Romantic and passionate love can fade over time and mature into a committed love.

Couples can rekindle the sparks of early courtship simply by doing something novel together. Studies show that partners who regularly share new experiences report greater boosts in marital happiness.

Commitment, Love, and Romance

Good relationships take commitment and effort.

The challenge for couples is cultivating a mature and trusting love that is the key to a lasting relationship.

The Art Of Having True Friends

Friendship, which is an important class of relationships as it goes beyond family and relatives, is at its core about value.

A person could be willing to give us their time, money, resources, social benefits and energy if there is something in it for them. It can be prestige, attractiveness, status or other factors that are perceived valuable. This isn’t meant to be cold-hearted or mean, but is how we behave unconsciously.

A kind, beneficent act of gratitude or help often kickstarts a friendship if it is reciprocated by the other person. Words don’t mean as much as genuine demonstrations of friendship.

If something sticks, the relationship can transform into a meaningful and engaging relationship. Sometimes there is an inner connection or liking that develops into the closeness of the heart.

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