pounding heartgritting your teethsweatingraising your voicebeing snappy / defensivebeing overly critical of peerstight chestshaking

recognise the warning signs

it’s a normal or understandable response in most situations , such as when you or someone else is being treated unfairly . if you’re not sure why you’ve just snapped at someone , think back through your day and try to pinpoint what set you off

work out why you’re angry

sometimes , writing things down can help you work out why you’re feeling angry and how you might be able to deal with it

write it down

this one seems basic , but works really well for anger management . thinking about something other than what’s upsetting you for 100 seconds gives you a chance to gather yourself and your thoughts before you do anything else

count to 100

when you’re angry , it’s almost impossible to deal with the situation in a helpful way . if you feel yourself losing your cool , just walk away from the situation for a while . you’ll deal with it better when everyone , including yourself , is feeling calmer

press pause

exercise is an awesome way to let off steam . you could take a walk around the block , go for a run , or do something really high-energy like boxing

move your body

talking to someone you trust about how you’re feeling can take weight off your shoulders as well as your mind . that could be a trusted adult , friend or family member

talk to someone

if you know what helps you to relax , you’ll find it useful whenever you’re feeling angry . take some time out to do something you enjoy , for instance :going for a walk in the parkreading a booktrying some meditationlistening to music

take time to relax

anger management strategies

In the name of Allah, the Most Compassionate, the Most Merciful.This book provides 70 incidents, paraphrased for the sake of conciseness, serve as a reminder of who the Prophet PBUH really was: a man of mercy and moral greatness who sought not the praise of this world, but its betterment through his example.

Introduction

The Prophet PBUH never stooped to reciprocating to insults, choosing not to respond at all.He smiled when he saw his companion refrain from responding to insults. However when his companion eventually spoke up, the Prophet PBUH became angry and left.He taught us that when a person stoops to the level of those who insult, they allow the devil to steer their course.One of the core principals of Islam is to not allow our emotions and actions to be hijacked by the devil.

Let The Angels Respond

How to maintain our composure when angry:<ul><li>Change your physical position to less confrontational ones</li><li>Sit if you are standing, if that doesn't help then lay down</li><li>Perform ablution (the act of washing oneself)</li></ul>In anger, we tend to respond in prideful, satanic ways that serve nothing and no one but your own ego.

Methods For Seeking Refuge From The Devil

'An Angel was with you, responding on your behalf. But when you said back to him some of what he said, a devil arrived, and it is not for me to sit with devils.'

The Messenger of Allah PBUH did not retaliate or repeat back insults, he did not even let his wife respond harshly to those who insulted him.

Allah Loves Gentleness 

'O Aishah, be gentle! Indeed, Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness in all matters. Beware of being harsh and vulgar.'

After bleeding at the hands of the enemy, the Messenger of Allah PBUH still had the resilience of character to ask Allah to forgive them. He appealed to Allah with the prayer for forgiveness.Despite experiencing and witnessing torture, the Messenger of Allah PBUH maintained magnanimity.His normal response was to seek forgiveness for those who wronged him and his followers.

They Just Don't Know Any Better

'O Allah, forgive my people, for they do not know.'

There was a man who used to serve the Prophet Muhammad PBUH and was paid by members of his tribe to employ witchcraft against the Messenger of Allah PBUH.For 6 months, the Prophet PBUH was weakened and mentally fatigued by these incantations.Once the man performing the witchcraft was exposed, permission was sought to execute him. However the Prophet PBUH chose to forgive him for his evil as Allah had cured him and he did not wish to stir evil among the people.

Forgiving A Sorcerer

'And do not mind the disbelievers and the hypocrites. Ignore their harm and rely upon Allah. And sufficient is Allah as a Disposer of your affairs.

Rumours spread that the Messenger of Allah PBUH's wife had committed adultery. After a month long ordeal of suspicion and tension, Allah finally revealed versus in Surah an-Nur exposing the ringleaders behind the lie, but this wasn't before some of the believers had begun to believe and circulate this unfounded story.One of the genuine believers of the Prophet PBUH had made the mistake of repeating this accusation. The Prophet PBUH ultimately forgave this man who slandered his wife and told his followers to not boycott him.

Do You Not Love That Allah Should Forgive You?

'Let not those among you who are virtuous and wealthy swear not to give to their kin and those in need. Do you not love that Allah should forgive you? And Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful'

There was a man who plotted to kill the Prophet PBUH. Once he was caught captive, the Messenger of Allah PBUH remained hopeful that he would become Muslim and earn the forgiveness of Allah. This man recieved the utmost kindness and hospitality from the Messenger PBUH. Upon his release, he took a bath and entered the mosque to seek forgiveness and accept Islam. He explained that he disliked the Prophet PBUH more than any other face on the earth, but now he became the most beloved face to him.

A Powerful Prisoner

Once this man had accepted Islam, his whole tribe followed him in entering the fold of Islam.They boycotted the enemies and refused to send them any more grain, which the enemy heavily depended on. This sanction would have drained their strength.However the Messenger of Allah PBUH interceded, despite being at war with them, because of his concern for the innocent people behind enemy lines.The tribe responded to the Prophet PBUH instructions and resumed trade, saving the city that had itself boycotted the Prophet PBUH for so many years.

Sparing The Enemies Of Islam

'I heard that no matter how grave a persons crime against him, the Prophet Muhammad PBUH always chose forgiveness.'

There was a man who set out to harm the Prophet PBUH's daughter. He poked her camel with a spear until it threw her to the ground.She suffered a miscarriage in addition to serious injuries that severely affected her health and contributed to her death several years later.This was a painful blow for the Prophet PBUH to lose his first unborn grandchild and then his dear daughter.When the man who caused this unfortunate event came begging for exoneration, the Prophet of Mercy PBUH forgave him despite having the means and justification to take revenge.

His Daughters Persecutor

'I have not been sent as one who curses. Rather, I was sent as a mercy.'

How the Prophet Muhammad PBUH rose above enmity and insult

Exploring seventy incidents that serve as a reminder as to who the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم really was: a man of mercy and moral greatness who sought not the praise of this world, but its betterment through his example.

The Prophet of Mercy

Irritability is defined as a mood or state in which one has a heightened propensity to respond to frustrations, even small ones, with anger that is excessive given what might be expected in the situation.<ul><li>Irritation impacts us psychologically in a number of ways</li><li>It makes us more sensitive to small frustrations so we have a harder time shrugging them off or moving past them</li><li>This can make us distracted since our attention ends up being constantly redirected towards trivial incidents and remarks and away from important tasks or relationships</li></ul>

Defining Irritability

Irritability can be a hard mood to break out of because it often creates a negative feedback loop that is self-reinforcing in ways that can deepen its hold on our state of mind.It reinforces our negative mood such that we're much more likely to fixate on anything even mildly upsetting or annoying (we might even do so unconsciously as a way to validate our bad mood).Focusing on all these annoyances then fuels our irritability further, which in turn, focuses us even more intently on validating our irritable mood by continuing to scan our environment for external frustrations.

The Reason For Lingering Irritability

<ul><li>Bring it to their attention.</li><li>Tell them you're concerned because they seem to be in a bad mood more often than not, and they've been responding to you as if you're constantly annoying them.</li><li>Let them know how their mood has been impacting you.</li></ul>

What To Do If Your Loved One Suffers From Chronic Irritability

Ask them to consider trying one of the following techniques that have been shown to lower irritability:<ul><li>Gratitude exercises:</li></ul>Spend 10 minutes each morning journaling about three things for which they're grateful and why-what that thing means to them and why it makes them feel thankful<ul><li>Mindfulness meditation.</li><li>Reframe their mindset.</li><li>Change your perspective to take the sting out of an annoying/upsetting/frustrating situation.</li></ul>Acknowledge that you're asking them to do something that isn't so easy.

What To Advice Chronically Irritable People

Stashed ideas

Why are some people irritable all the time? And what can you do?

We live in a culture that likes idealism. We notice so much wrong with others, ourselves, the way things are. Little things such as the sound of a car horn or a lost set of keys remind us that idealism is impossible. Often, anger makes a lot of sense. Certain types of anger can be very useful as a source of insight when we've been wronged, when things are going poorly, when we want change. However, anger can also be a source of foolishness, miscalculation, regret, resentment, and detachment.

The good and bad of anger

We can be wronged in unjust ways, such as being targeted,  and in these cases, anger can be used to motivate us to stand up and defend ourselves. But, more often we are wronged in a way where anger will not help to correct or solve it. When we try to resist and reject any sort of softer acceptance and sadness in response to this, we can become hardened with a sort of brute and frequent anger and become numb and unfeeling.

Becoming hardened is unhelpful

Psychologist Magda Arnold developed the appraisal theory. It states that our emotional responses are mostly created by our conscious evaluations of events - how we view, interpret, and label stimuli. For example, if we believe cats are sweet and harmless, holding a particular cat will be a favourable emotional experience. But someone who believes cats threatening or devious, will likely have a negative experience. The responses are very different to the same stimulus.

Appraisal theory

When we are angered frequently or remain angered for long periods, there is an opportunity to switch our mental filter in favour of better, more productive experiences. For the stoics, events in the world are objective and neutral. Our emotional experiences are the product of the stories we tell ourselves. It can't hurt you unless you interpret what's happening as harmful. If we realise that the world has not singled us out, most people are trying their best, that ignorance is more often the reason than malice, we can realise that the situation is not worthy of being angry about.

Practical use of the appraisal theory

Learning how to think really means learning how to exercise some control over how and what you think. It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot or will not exercise this kind of choice in ... life, you will be totally hosed.

We should not live an agreeable life in which our anger is always denied of its expression. But when anger comes from a place that isn't angry about the thing we seem to be angry about, the anger is a liability, not an asset.  We should not think that we have personally been made victim by the world. When we are angry, all of this sounds nonsensical or impossible, but it is then that these ideas matter so much.

Controlling unhelpful anger

Thanks to Acorns for sponsoring! Click my link https://get.acorns.com/PursuitofWonder to get a $10 bonus investment when you sign up. T&C’s apply. There are so many good reasons to be angry, but there are so few good uses. In this video, we explore the reasons for frequent anger as well as how to potentially be it less through psychology and philosophy. Pursuit of Wonder books available here: Notes from the End of Everything: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08D4VSD88 The Hidden Story of Every Person: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B095L8LP33 Guided writing journal here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09K1ZVMM8 (Also available to more international locations here: https://pursuitofwonder.com/store) Important Risk Disclosures: Investing involves risk including the loss of principal. Services offered by Acorns Advisers, LLC (“Acorns”), an SEC-registered investment advisor. Brokerage services are provided to clients of Acorns by Acorns Securities, LLC, an SEC-registered broker-dealer and member FINRA/SIPC. Please consider your objectives, risk tolerance, and Acorns’ fees before investing. https://www.finra.org/#/ https://www.sipc.org Special thank you to our very generous Patreon supporters: OnlineBookClub.org Zake Jajac Alan Stein Zinzan Heather Liu Siddharth Kothari Stanley Chan Dave Portnoy Jaad Van der Wee Justin Redenbaugh Fathy Abdalla Christian Villanueva George Leontowicz Kelly J. Rose Asael Ramirez Terry Gilmour Follow Pursuit of Wonder on: Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/pursuitofwonder Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/PursuitOfWonder

How To Remain Calm(er) With People - Psychology & Stoic Philosophy

Recent research from Gallup shows that daily rates of anger, stress, worry and sadness among American workers are worse than over the past decade. As a team leader, you are responsible for managing your team's moods without letting their anger impact your effectiveness.

Managing anger in the workplace

There are three damaging reactions to your team's anger.<ul><li>Dismissing the team's grievances, believing they need to get over it.</li><li>Deflecting issues. First showing interest, but then changing the subject and not doing anything about it.</li><li>Defending. If you are emotionally distant from your team, you may react defensively to protect yourself.</li></ul> Depersonalise how you receive feedback that your team is angry. See these inputs as data. Don't add your judgment or excuses to the data. This will enable you to respond more effectively.

Stabilise your emotion before reacting to theirs

Accept the feedback that your team is frustrated without judging your team or yourself. Ask for more information, demonstrating that you care to acknowledge it. Then reframe the concept of anger as a part of the human condition that, when managed effectively, can improve the drive across your team. Offer your team members a safe space to vent. Then encourage them to partner with you to find solutions that benefit everyone.

Lean into their anger with an intent to learn

Once you have de-escalated emotions, you can channel their frustration toward more constructive outcomes. <ul><li>Helping your team redirect their frustration toward a battle that benefits others can help spark creativity around what changes to make.</li><li>Design goals that involve striving for success instead of doing a task to avoid failure can increase their stamina and grit.</li><li>Consider the quality of your team's goals. Are the goals within reach or so unreasonable that they will likely give up?</li></ul>

Redesign team goals together

Consider your blind spots that could contribute to their anger. How you engage with your team can increase the tension or improve trust. Once you've identified your blindspots, be willing to publicly own the areas where you need to improve and request feedback and advice. This approach can shift perceptions from negative to positive.

Owning your part

Four strategies to help managers respond with compassion.

anger management strategies

The Prophet of Mercy

Why are some people irritable all the time? And what can you do?

How To Remain Calm(er) With People - Psychology & Stoic Philosophy

Managing Anger, Frustration, and Resentment on Your Team

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