Therapist John Kim (The Angry Therapist) shares his own experiences with failure and heartache in this entertaining and helpful memoir-cum-guide for living intended to help men in need of guidance on how to turn their lives around.Kim concentrates on what he considers the hardest areas for men to change: processing emotions, developing open communication, defining healthy relationships, and maintaining a healthy work/leisure balance.

I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life

Kim advises that cultivating self-awareness (which takes hard work) coupled with three steps (accept what is, lean into it, and have the courage to change) will help readers through tough times. With chapters explaining such topics as the difference between (for boys) being nice and (for mature adults) being kind and how indecision can be a sign of immaturity, Kim’s blunt tone and easy-to-follow tips will appeal to any man looking for self-improvement. (source slides 1 and 2: https://www.publishersweekly.com/9780062856340)

1.    Being a man is a way of life; it's about everyday choices that lead you to live toward your potential.2.    The self is a fancy word for answering the question, Who are you? And the answer is created through action.3.    You will be doing only what feels good and easy in the moment, and that is my definition of a boy. Not a man.4.    I lived most of my life with a "to-me" mindset. Something happened to me. She dumped me. He took something from me. Life did something to me. Or nothing happened to me. When something happens to you, you're in victim mode -- the most powerless state.

38 Book Highlights

5.    You are a conduit, and something greater than you is working through you to project your unique gifts into the world.6.    When I play back my life, my douchery was the most prevalent when I felt the most insecure. Being a douche is like turning on a black light that exposes your insecurities.7.    Truly confident people don't need to prove anything. They focus on giving their value instead of announcing it. 8.    What if you didn't feel the need to prove anything? What would that look like in your everyday life? How would that change your dialogue, behavior, attitude and energy?

9.    Focus less on outcomes. Instead, focus on the process. When we put all our chips on what we need to achieve, our ego is on the line. Because we tie our worth (ego) to our ability. We believe that if we don't accomplish -- close the deal, land the raise, get the girl, win the race -- we are diminished, "less than."

10.    If you allow your purpose, the greater good, to be your true north, you will be less concerned about your problems and fears and more concerned about the kind of dent you can make. Always hang your purpose above your passion and your ego will fall in line, be checked. Your purpose not just in your work, but also as a father, brother, husband, and friend.

11.    As men we have a responsibility for our own happiness. Whining and complaining only make a bad or difficult situation worse.12.    We must realize that our differences aren't what's lacking in us but rather are what makes us valuable.13.    Life is not about waiting. It's about seeking, discovering, learning, growing, and in this process producing joy. Because happy doesn't fall into our laps. We must produce it.

14.    Seek joy, always, in everything you do. It doesn't matter if you're doing the dishes, going on a date, or building an empire; this mindset will allow you to be open and aware, to unlock yourself so that you can unleash your gifts. The world needs you. You were meant to change it.15.    [On meditation] You just have to sit still and focus on your breath for fifteen minutes a day. But every... single... day. You must commit to it. Make it a priority. Because there's something at stake. The person you could be.

16.    The best way to practice mindfulness is to hang it on an activity. When you're eating, don't inhale your food. Instead, chew slowly. Take in the taste, texture, color, smell -- use all your senses. Eat like it's your last meal. When you're working out, don't just focus on reps and weight. Be fully present by noticing your body and your connection to it: your breath, what hurts, what feels good. Notice the feeling of the weights in your hand, and challenge yourself to push through the discomfort.

When you're kissing someone, let it be more than just a gateway to sex. Notice the softness of her lips, the shape, the energy, the dance. Kiss like it's your last time. Pick one activity to hang mindfulness on. Then build on it until mindfulness comes naturally as a way of life. The world will brighten.

17.    Here are some things I do daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly to help myself appreciate the moment and get more mindful:<ul><li>Daily: Get up early. Notice the morning. Walk to a coffee shop, not drive, taking in the sky and trees. Journal. Write for me (not for work). Create a space for my thoughts, ideas, and feelings to swim.</li><li>Weekly: Seek a sunset, sunrise, mountain, beach -- any form of nature. Take off my shoes and walk in the sand, on grass, dirt. Swim in the ocean. Connect to the earth.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Monthly: Travel, even if it's to a different nearby city. See something I've never seen before. Taste something different. Meet new people. Do it with an open mind and curiosity, as if you're an alien visiting earth.</li><li>Yearly: Do something that scares me. Maybe an activity like swimming with sharks in a cage or starting a new project. Try to take it in mindfully instead of panicking. Notice everything, and allow mindfulness to eclipse the fear.</li></ul>

18.    Any opportunity you get to travel, just fucking take it. Life doesn't give us an invitation to go anywhere. We have to make it happen.19.    A well-traveled man is a wise man.20.    A man's diet is a direct reflection of his self-control, discipline, and how much he loves himself.21.    Cook meals like I'm cooking for someone, even if it's just me.22.    Laughter is life.

23.    The difference between feeling good and feeling alive is fear. We are not afraid of things that make us feel good. A safe job, a comfortable relationship, twenty minutes on a treadmill. These things don't require much effort. We are not scared of them. But if you want to feel alive, there must be an element of fear. 24.    Good falls into our lap. Alive doesn't.25.    If you're content with good, content is all you'll ever be.

26.    Boys have something to prove because they need approval. Men let their work speak for itself.27.    It's about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable.28.    When we respond, we don't just deflect our pain or frustration. We understand it, which gives it less power. W react, we are picking scabs. When we respond, we are applying ointment.

29.    Men who can't admit when they are wrong are basically refusing to grow. In every relationship, if you're not growing together, you are growing apart. So if you won't admit it when you're wrong, it's just a matter of time before your partner feels as if she's outgrown you. Plain and simple.30.    Admitting when we are wrong isn't a sign of weakness. It is a sign of strength. It takes courage to acknowledge our mistakes, defects, and shortcomings. Make "I was wrong" (or, if it's easier, "You were right") your new superpower.

31.    Your house is your safe tree, your temple, and a direct reflection of what's happening inside. Keep it clean. Set the tone.32.    What you do doesn't determine your true value. Your value lives in your character and capacity. Your heart and your story.33.    "If you can't find something to live for, you best find something to die for." Tupac34.    Every man must ask himself two questions: First, Where am I going? And second, Who's coming with me? If he reverses the order, he will be going alone.

1.    Worth is not something you believe. It's something you build.2.    It's not about how many times we fight. It's about how we fight. Fight fair. Understand before trying to be understood. And don't walk away.3.    Treat people in service -- valets, servers, bartenders, hosts -- extra kindly. Don't treat them like they are beneath you. They are making your life easier. The way you treat people in service is a direct reflection of your true character.4.    Do not exchange your truth for membership.

“Every man must ask himself two questions: First, Where am I going? And second, Who’s coming with me? If he reverses the order, he will be going alone.”-John Kim, I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life: An Everyman’s Guide to a Meaningful Life

John Kim Quote

Notes & Quotes: I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck by John Kim

When we were much younger, we understood how to live. Staring at stars filled us us with delight. Running in a park made us feel alive. And chasing butterflies flooded us with joy. Then, as we grew up, we forgot how to be human. We forgot how to be bold and enthusiastic and loving and widely alive. Our precious reservoir of hope faded. Being ordinary became acceptable. The lamp of our creativity, our positivity and our intimacy with our greatness grew dim as we began to worry about fitting in, having more than others and being popular.

Adults Are Deteriorated Children

Next 90 Days → First 90 minutes → Single Most Important ProjectLegendary achievers concentrate all their attention and effort on one core project at a time so they harness the fullness of their cognitive capacity and their precious energy on releasing glorious products.For the next ninety days, schedule yourself to invest the first ninety minutes of your workday on the one activity that, when completed at world-class will cause you to own your field. This 90 minutes period must be completely free of any noise and interruptions.

90/90/1 Rule For Exponential Productivity

~Twin Cycles of Elite Performance~• 60 minutes of High Excellence CycleWork at your best for sixty minutes straight, quietly with utmost focus. Just concentrate.• 10 minutes of Deep Recovery CycleAfter your sixty-minute productivity sprint is done, refuel for ten minutes. Go for a quick walk in fresh air, read a book, listen to energizing music.

The 60/10 Method

05:00 AM—05:20 AM MOVE•Intense workout, Sweat hardWHY→ Cleanses Cortisol, BDNF flows, Dopamine+Serotonin IncreasesBENEFITS→ More focus+ productivity, Energy flows, Less stress|05:20 AM— 05: 40 AM REFLECT•Journal, Meditate, Plan, ContemplateWHY→ Gratitude boost, Awareness+Happiness lifts, Wisdom develops, Serenity expandsBENEFITS→ Greater positivity, Decreased reactivity, Higher creativity, Stronger performance|05:40 AM— 06:00 AM GROW•Review goals, Read books, Listen podcast+ audiobooksWHY→ Knowledge deepens, Acumen+Confidence escalatesBENEFITS→ Domain dominance, Personal growth

The 20/20/20 Formula

• Organizes Your Thinking• Multiplies Clarity & Awarness• Activate Deliberate Gratitude• Fosters Hope• Reinforces Daily Learning• Records Where You Are Winning• Processes Low Energy Emotions for Release Versus Repression• Offers A Place to Work Through Confusion• Allows For Planning And Goal Setting So Execution Improves• Captures Your Life's Best Experiences• Allows You To Re-experience Joyful Times• Elevates Your Creativity Which When Translated Into Productivity Yields Mastery

Why Journaling Is Good For Your Overall Growth 

Positive ExpectancyAlways maintain a mindset where you expect money will come to you regularly and from highly unexpected sources.Active FaithActive faith is when you behave in a way that shows life you trust it in its abundance & benevolence. Just show nature you know prosperity is coming and perform acts that make you feel like you have plenty.Ever-increasing GratitudeContinue opening your heart to everything and everyone in your life.Extreme Value DeliveryExtreme value delivery means giving others exponentially more benefit than they ever could expect from you. Because we reap what we sow<warningtag>.</warningtag>

Four Practices For Financial Fortune

E1: Mindset (psychology)Your thinking forms your reality and by improving your mind you'll improve your life. Your deepest beliefs drive your daily behaviour and the way you perceive the world drives the way you perform in it.E2: Heartset (emotionality)Even with battleproof beliefs and the distinguished thinking of a world-class Mindset, you won't win if your heart is full of toxic feelings. Working on your Heartset isn't only about removing negative emotions. It's also about amplifying the healthy ones.

The 4 Interior Empires Part 1

E3: Healthset (physicality)If you want to lead your field and experience continuous escalation of your eminence: do not die. Beautiful things happen once you commit seriously to peak fitness and go hard in cheating aging.E4: Soulset (spirituality)Every single one of us has an unstained spirit and spotless soulfulness that rests at our very center. Spend some time in quietude to make the return to courage, conviction and compassion within you.

The 4 Interior Empires Part 2

The five primary assets that all superproducers defend are:1. Mental Focus2. Physical Energy3. Personal Willpower4. Original Talent5. Daily TimeProtect these 5 assets by following The Tight Bubble of Total Focus Strategy which preserves your focus as well as your primal brilliance.

Protection Of The 5 Assets Of Genius

The best in the world have depth. Members of the majority often get stuck in a mindset of superficiality in their work. Their whole approach is light. No real preparation. Very little contemplation. Geniuses understand that it's smarter to create one masterwork than one thousand ordinary pieces.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Step 1: Learning→ Better Awareness→ Growing</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Step 2: Implementation→ Better Choices→ Execution</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Step 3: Income→ Better Results→ Impact</li></ul>

3 Step Formula From Superficialilty To Granularity

<ul><li>Capitalization of IQ: What makes a legendary performer so good isn't the amount of natural talent they are born into but the extent of that potential they actualize & capitalize.</li><li>Freedom From Distraction: Technology well used is a phenomenal thing, it's all the silly ways people apply it now.</li><li>Personal Mastery Practice: External always express internal, always reflect within. Your impact on the planet is always a sublime expression of what's going on inside of you.</li><li>Day Stacking: Concentrate monomaniacally on creating great days & they'll stack into a gorgeous life.</li></ul>

The 4 Focuses Of History Makers

The truth is that every challenging event you've experienced, each toxic person that you've encountered and all the trials you've endured have been perfect preparation to make you into the person that you are now.The seduction of complacency and an easy life is one hundred times brutal, ultimately, than a life where you go all in and take an unconquerable stand for your brightest dreams. Hard is good. Real greatness and realization of your inherent genius is meant to be a difficult sport. Only those devoted enough to go to the fiery edges of their highest limits will expand them.

Hard Is Good

Never delay your peacefulness. Your life can fall apart within an hour. Accidents, illness, loss and death happen every day. It's human nature to think these things will never occur. Yet all wise philosophers teach us of the transience of our existence.Tomorrow is a promise, not a fact. Enjoy every morning and appreciate each day you have on Earth. Take bold risks yet hedge them with common sense. balance living like there is no tomorrow with behaving like you'll live forever. So that when the end does come, you'll know you lived your life as a majestic testimony to the capacity for legendary.

Tomorrow Is A Bonus, Not A Right

Every one of us carries an instict for excellence within our spirits. No one needs to stay frozen in average and succumb to the mass mediocratization of behaviour evident in society along with the collective de-professionalization of business so apparent in industry. Limitation is nothing more than a mentality that too many good people practice daily until they believe it's reality. We need to remember that our excuses are seducers, our fears are liars and our doubts are thieves.

Limiting Beliefs = Mediocrity

<ol><li>People Fuel: Be around those people who fuel your joy.</li><li>Pursuit Fuel: Perform those pursuits that feed your bliss.</li><li>Place Fuel: Be in those places that make you feel more alive.</li></ol>

Joy As A GPS

You can fit in. Or you can change the world. You don't get to do both.

The 5 AM Club is a staple in my daily diet of practicing a healthy mindset and leading a productive life. The lessons here are rejuvenating and helped me go through some tough stages in life. Hope it does the same for everyone.

Legendary leadership and elite performance expert Robin Sharma introduced The 5am Club concept over twenty years ago, based on a revolutionary morning routine that has helped his clients maximize their productivity, activate their best health and bulletproof their serenity in this age of overwhelming complexity. Now, in this life-changing book, handcrafted by the author over a rigorous four-year period, you will discover the early-rising habit that has helped so many accomplish epic results while upgrading their happiness, helpfulness and feelings of aliveness. Through an enchanting—and often amusing—story about two struggling strangers who meet an eccentric tycoon who becomes their secret mentor, The 5am Club will walk you through: How great geniuses, business titans and the world’s wisest people start their mornings to produce astonishing achievements A little-known formula you can use instantly to wake up early feeling inspired, focused and flooded with a fiery drive to get the most out of each day A step-by-step method to protect the quietest hours of daybreak so you have time for exercise, self-renewal and personal growth A neuroscience-based practice proven to help make it easy to rise while most people are sleeping, giving you precious time for yourself to think, express your creativity and begin the day peacefully instead of being rushed “Insider-only” tactics to defend your gifts, talents and dreams against digital distraction and trivial diversions so you enjoy fortune, influence and a magnificent impact on the world Part manifesto for mastery, part playbook for genius-grade productivity and part companion for a life lived beautifully, The 5am Club is a work that will transform your life. Forever.

The 5AM Club

Global warming is a gradual increase in the earth’s temperature generally due to the greenhouse effect caused by increased levels of carbon dioxide, CFCs, and other pollutants. “. This phenomenon has been observed over the past one or two centuries. This change has disturbed the climatic pattern of the earth. However, the concept of global warming is quite controversial but the scientists have provided relevant data in support of the fact that the temperature of the earth is rising constantly.

Global Warmin

There are several causes of global warming, which have a negative effect on humans, plants and animals. These causes may be natural or might be the outcome of human activities. In order to curb the issues, it is very important to understand the negative impacts of global warming.

Cause Of Global Warming

<ul><li>Deforestation:Plants are the main source of oxygen. They take in carbon dioxide and release oxygen thereby maintaining environmental balance. Forests are being depleted for many domestic and commercial purposes. This has led to an environmental imbalance, thereby giving rise to global warming.</li><li>Use of Vehicles:The use of vehicles, even for a very short distance results in various gaseous emissions. Vehicles burn fossil fuels which emit a large amount of carbon dioxide and other toxins into the atmosphere resulting in a temperature increase.</li></ul>

Man-made Causes of Global Warming

<ul><li>Industrial Development:With the advent of industrialization, the temperature of the earth has been increasing rapidly. The harmful emissions from the factories add to the increasing temperature of the earth.</li><li>Overpopulation:An increase in population means more people breathing. This leads to an increase in the level of carbon dioxide, the primary gas causing global warming, in the atmosphere.</li></ul>

<ul><li>Volcanoes:Volcanoes are one of the largest natural contributors to global warming. The ash and smoke emitted during volcanic eruptions goes out into the atmosphere and affects the climate.</li></ul> <ul><li>Water VapourWater vapour is a kind of greenhouse gas. Due to the increase in the earth’s temperature, more water gets evaporated from the water bodies and stays in the atmosphere adding to global warming.</li></ul>

Natural Causes of Global Warming  

<ul><li>Melting Permafrost:Permafrost is frozen soil that has environmental gases trapped in it for several years and is present below Earth’s surface. It is present in glaciers. As the permafrost melts, it releases the gases back into the atmosphere, increasing Earth’s temperature.</li><li>Forest Blazes:Forest blazes or forest fires emit a large amount of carbon-containing smoke. These gases are released into the atmosphere and increase the earth’s temperature resulting in global warming.</li></ul>

Natural Causes of Global Warming

<ul><li>Rise in Temperature:Global warming has led to an incredible increase in earth’s temperature. Since 1880, the earth’s temperature has increased by ~1 degrees. This has resulted in an increase in the melting of glaciers, which have led to an increase in the sea level. This could have devastating effects on coastal regions.</li><li>Threats to the Ecosystem:Global warming has affected the coral reefs that can lead to the loss of plant and animal lives. Increase in global temperatures has made the fragility of coral reefs even worse.</li></ul>

Effects of Global Warming

<ul><li>Climate Change: Global warming has led to a change in climatic conditions. There are droughts at some places and floods at some. This climatic imbalance is the result of global warming.</li><li>Spread of Diseases: Global warming leads to a change in the patterns of heat and humidity. This has led to the movement of mosquitoes that carry and spread diseases.</li><li>High Mortality Rates:Due to an increase in floods, tsunamis and other natural calamities, the average death toll usually increases. Also, such events can bring about the spread of diseases that can hamper human life.</li></ul>

Describes the scientific evidence for global warming and its likely consequences, and considers the political implications and what governments, businesses, and individuals can do about the phenomenon and the issues it evokes

Global Warming

Right amount of urgency is needed in order to get things done quickly or to drive progress. But too much urgency can lead to destruction of team's morale and productivity and Too little can induce lethargy or stagnation.

Urgency As A Tool For Team's Productivity

Urgency meansimportance requiring swift action.

There are two types of unnecessary urgency <ol><li>Fake urgency - self inflicted or external influencer</li><li>Avoidable urgency - something could’ve been avoided and wasn’t - created based on procastination or by poor time management </li></ol>Both can kill a planned workday. Save urgency for important matters that are critical and unavoidable

Understanding Unnecessary Urgency

<ul><li>Always act in ways that maximize benefit – and minimize harm</li><li>Create a Plan of action</li><li>Working in a way that makes team members lives easier </li><li>Measure twice and cut once - strive to do things right the first time </li><li>Prioritize by importance </li><li>Minimize procastination </li><li>Plan multiple steps ahead </li></ul>Cultivating a proactive mindset can help control the kinds of urgency you accept and propagate. use urgency with care, and avoid creating unnecessary urgency for others

Cultivate Proactive Mindset 

Implement a proactive system to manage your work effectively and boost productivity. when requesting work, state the deadline, and make sure your team does the same. Stay organized and manage activity by time

Staying In Proactive Zone

Manage urgency by balancing the following, tune each dials based on the situations<ol><li>Time </li><li>Scope </li><li>Quality </li><li>Bring in more resources </li><li>Use budget to outsource things </li><li>Risk - reduce risk by cutting </li></ol>

Urgency Can Be Adjusted

For external urgency, try to be responsive and not reactive. When there is urgency, <ol><li>Pause your work</li><li>Acknowledge the task </li><li>Evaluate </li><li>Prioritize & decide on course of action </li></ol>Ask why the issue’s urgent – or whether it’s really urgent at all. If you do this politely and firmly, people will see that you’re focused on what’s important.

Respond Or 

To mobilize the team into action, you’ll need to communicate deliberately and clearly the task at hand. That starts with demonstrating that you care about the task and committing fully when it’s truly urgent.Some key points,<ol><li>set accountable deadlines </li><li>Cultivate a culture of accountability </li><li>Allow team to ask "why of the task" question </li><li>Inspire actions by acknowledging and rewarding the team</li></ol>

Driving An Internal Urgency

In today’s fast-paced workplace, many things are made out to be urgent – when they’re really not. The key to working in a sustainable, successful way is to recognize and reduce unproductive urgency while seeking out opportunities to maximize productive urgency.

Leverage the power of urgency to avoid burnout and increase performance Urgency—that frantic feeling that we need to be doing more, and faster—is a destructive force in today’s workplace. Unnecessary urgency can be toxic, causing stress and burnout. But not all urgency is bad, and sometimes we really do need to get things done quickly. Too little urgency can lead to inaction and lost productivity. So how do we find the right balance where we can use urgency as a meaningful tool to keep productivity up, without generating burnout? Urgent! is a guide to using urgency for good to help achieve your goals, to drive success, and minimise stress for yourself, your teams, and your business. This book will teach you to moderate urgency for yourself and those you lead. In our age of fast-paced technology, it’s easy to swing between extremes, working reactively one minute, and being inactive the next. The middle ground, described in this book, allows us to work in the “Active Zone” where we maximise proactivity and productivity. By following the practical strategies outlined in this book, readers will learn to understand urgency, become proactive rather than reactive, and lead teams to their fullest potential. • Eliminate stress and burnout for yourself, your teams, and your businesses • Learn how to dial urgency up or down, depending on the situation • Keep teams working in the optimal productive zone by moderating urgency • Stay focused on what's important and learn prioritisation skills to avoid burnout If you feel that you and your team are caught up in busy work, stressed to the max by competing demands, leaving no room to focus on what really matters, Urgent! will show you a new way of thinking, leading, and responding. Learn the skills to reduce overload, get more done, and achieve better performance each day.

Urgent!

<ul><li>Listen to the voice in your head without any judgement. </li><li>Observe the habitual tendency of your mind to want to escape from the Now.</li><li>The moment we realize we are not present, we are present.</li><li>You can free yourself from your mind by 'watching the thinker'</li></ul>

Watch the Thinker

<ul><li>Gap in the mind stream is ‘no-mind’ which is the key to peace.</li><li>This gap can be created through mindfulness or directing our attention to the 'Now' or any activity.</li><li>“Every time you create a gap in the steam of your mind, the light of your consciousness grows stronger.”</li><li>Most creative breakthroughs often come at a time of mental quietude.</li></ul>

Experience 'No-mind'

<ul><li>“Intensity of pain depends on the degree of resistance to the present moment.”</li><li>As we step out of the resistance patterns, we can then allow the present moment to be through acceptance.</li></ul>

Embrace the present

The author shares the secret of his own self-realization and the philosophy for living in the present he has developed.

Notes & Quotes: I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck by John Kim

The 5AM Club

Global Warming

Urgent!

The Power of Now

It's time to

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