Steven Alexander Wright (born December 6, 1955) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, and film producer. He is known for his distinctly lethargic voice and slow, deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes, paraprosdokians, non sequiturs, anti-humor, and one-liners with contrived situations.

Steven Wright Famous Quotes and Saying #’s 31 - 67

“I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.”-Steven Wright

“If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”-Steven Wright

“Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.”-Steven Wright

“I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.”-Steven Wright

“Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”-Steven Wright

“I worked in a health food store once. A guy asked me, 'If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?”-Steven Wright

“You know how it is when you’re walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there’s one more step? I’m like that all the time.”-Steven Wright

“Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.”-Steven Wright

“When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.”-Steven Wright

“Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.”-Steven Wright

“My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.”-Steven Wright

“If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?”-Steven Wright

“Why are there five syllables in the word “‘monosyllabic’”-Steven Wright

“I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.”-Steven Wright

“Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.”-Steven Wright

“I like to reminisce with people I don't know.”-Steven Wright

“Is it weird in here, or is it just me?”-Steven Wright

“I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.”-Steven Wright

“When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?”-Steven Wright

“Hermits have no peer pressure.”-Steven Wright

“Right now I’m having amnesia and Deja vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”-Steven Wright

“The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese”-Steven Wright

“Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?”-Steven Wright

“Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?”-Steven Wright

“You can't have everything. Where would you put it?”-Steven Wright

“I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!”-Steven Wright

“Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”-Steven Wright

“Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.”-Steven Wright

“I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.”-Steven Wright

“I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.”-Steven Wright

“Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby and say 'What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life!'”-Steven Wright

“I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.”-Steven Wright

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”-Steven Wright

“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.”-Steven Wright

“I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.”-Steven Wright

“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.”-Steven Wright

“If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?”-Steven Wright

Steven Wright Famous Quotes and Sayings #'s 31 - 67

Enjoy the best Steven Wright Quotes at BrainyQuote. Quotations by Steven Wright, American Comedian, Born December 6, 1955. Share with your friends.

Steven Wright Quotes - BrainyQuote

30 Steven Wright Quotes and Sayings

“For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.”-Steven Wright

“There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.”-Steven Wright

“I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.”-Steven Wright

“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.”-Steven Wright

“A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.”-Steven Wright

“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”-Steven Wright

“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”

“I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.”-Steven Wright

“If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?”-Steven Wright

“All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.”-Steven Wright

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”-Steven Wright

“I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.”-Steven Wright

“I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.”-Steven Wright

“I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.”-Steven Wright

“I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.”-Steven Wright

“My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.”-Steven Wright

“I had to stop driving my car for a while... the tires got dizzy.”-Steven Wright

“How do you get off a non-stop flight?”-Steven Wright

“There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.”-Steven Wright

“I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.”-Steven Wright

“If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”-Steven Wright

“Always try to be modest and be proud of it!”-Steven Wright

“I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”-Steven Wright

“I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.”-Steven Wrigh

“I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.”-Steven Wright

“I put tape on the mirrors in my house so I don't accidentally walk through into another dimension.”-Steven Wright

“You know how it is when you're reading a book and falling asleep, you're reading, reading... and all of a sudden you notice your eyes are closed? I'm like that all the time.”-Steven Wright

“What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”-Steven Wright

“My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.”-Steven Wright

“I bought a house on a one-way dead-end road. I don’t know how I got there.”-Steven Wright

Discover STEVEN WRIGHT famous and rare quotes. Share motivational and inspirational quotes by STEVEN WRIGHT. "If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?..."

Top 30 quotes of STEVEN WRIGHT famous quotes and sayings

Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde (1854 – 1900) was an Irish poet and playwright. After writing in different forms throughout the 1880s, he became one of the most popular playwrights in London in the early 1890s. He also wrote the novel The Picture of Dorian Gray.

20 Entertaining Thoughts from Oscar Wilde

“A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing.”-Oscar Wilde

1 – Cynic Quote

“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”-Oscar Wilde

2 – Friend Quote

“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.”-Oscar Wilde

3 – Sincerity Quote

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”-Oscar Wilde

4 – Enemies Quote

“A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.”-Oscar Wilde

5 – Faces Quote

“A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.”-Oscar Wilde

6 – Truth Quote

“Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.”-Oscar Wilde

7 – Tragedy Quote

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde

8 – Individual Quote

“Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes they forgive them.”-Oscar Wilde

9 – Children Quote

“I like men who have a future and women who have a past.”-Oscar Wilde

10 – Like Quote

“I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.”-Oscar Wilde

11 – Ability Quote

“No good deed goes unpunished.”-Oscar Wilde

12 – Punishment Quote

“The most terrible thing about it is not that it breaks one’s heart—hearts are made to be broken—but that it turns one’s heart to stone.”-Oscar Wilde

13 – Hearts Quote

“The public have an insatiable curiosity to know everything, except what is worth knowing.”-Oscar Wilde

14 – Knowledge Quote

“There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.”-Oscar Wilde

15 – Regret Quote

“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”-Oscar Wilde

16 – Truth Quote

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.”-Oscar Wilde

17 – Life Quote

“Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.”-Oscar Wilde

18 – Acceptance Quote

“Yes: I am a dreamer. For a dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”-Oscar Wilde

19 – Dreamer Quote

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.”-Oscar Wilde

20 – Happiness Quote

Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx (1890 – 1977) was an American comedian, actor, writer, stage, film, radio, television star and vaudeville performer. He is generally considered to have been a master of quick wit and one of America's greatest comedians.

20 Entertaining Groucho Marx Quotations

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”-Groucho Marx

Number 1

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”-Groucho Marx

Number 2

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.”-Groucho Marx

Number 3

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”-Groucho Marx

Number 4

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”-Groucho Marx

Number 5

“I intend to live forever, or die trying.”-Groucho Marx

Number 6

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”-Groucho Marx

Number 7

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member”-Groucho Marx

Number 8

“I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”-Groucho Marx

Number 9

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”-Groucho Marx

Number 10

“Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”-Groucho Marx

Number 11

“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”-Groucho Marx

Number 12

“There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says "yes" you know he is a crook.”-Groucho Marx

Number 13

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”-Groucho Marx

Number 14

“Whatever it is, I'm against it.”-Groucho Marx

Number 15

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”-Groucho Marx

Number 16

“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”-Groucho Marx

Number 17

“Be open minded, but not so open minded that your brains fall out.”-Groucho Marx

Number 18

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.”-Groucho Marx

Number 19

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.”-Groucho Marx

Number 20

Entertaining thoughts

Jokes in shows like The Office and Curb Your Enthusiasm were at first lost on many people, or the awkwardness was too much. Cringe comedy is a highly successful genre in film and TV, yet some people either don't get it or actively dislike it. What is less clear is how cringe comedy works and why some people enjoy the secondhand embarrassment or find it excruciating or boring.

Cringe comedy

Cringe is present in certain elements of slapstick humour, in that we laugh at someone’s humiliation or misfortune. But there's something noticeably different between laughing at Mr Bean and the cringe comedy of today. Cringe comedy gives a feeling of embarrassment when watching someone behave in an embarrassing way. The difference between slapstick and cringe is that slapstick feels more detached, where we laugh at someone. Cringe comedy feels personal, as if we live through their embarrassment.

Why we cringe

Humans are wired to function in societies. We are highly sensitive to emotions like shame, embarrassment, and cringe. Cringe comedy seems to exploit that awareness. We may enjoy it because it simulate unusual social situations and we witness the consequences without having to experience them. In this way, cringe comedy may strengthen a kind of defence mechanism against the cringe of our own lives. Those who experience greater degrees of cringe are more empathetic.

The science of cringe comedy

There’s a difference between experiencing cringe and finding it funny.We laugh at moral or social violations which offer no real hurt and are not happening to us. Cringe humor has to relate to our everyday lives in some way. When we laugh at cringe comedy, we reestablish ourselves on the right side of social norms or taboos. We know the rule and know when someone has broken them, and then we laugh to relieve our own sense of social anxiety.

Venting social anxiety

Cringe tell us that there might be more than one thing going on. Sometimes, we empathise with the events, such as watching a mild social faux pas - someone wearing the wrong clothes to a party. However, cringe comedy should be separated from contemptuous cringe, which involves an emotional distancing from the person you're cringing at. You perceive the person as embarrassing themselves, but instead of feeling embarrassment on their behalf, you feel annoyance and disgust at them.

The contemptuous and the empathetic

Empathetic cringe, where we relate to the situation, could be viewed as us mocking ourselves.A contemptuous cringe has a darker side. The producer or comedian may manufacture or invent contempt. For example, when we are invited to laugh at the weakness is "Screeching Feminists" are we saying that feminism is shameful?

When we laugh at something, we ridicule it 

Why do will some people find cringe comedy hilarious, while others will see it as boring rubbish? The answer is your life experiences.

Steven Wright Quotes - BrainyQuote

Top 30 quotes of STEVEN WRIGHT famous quotes and sayings

20 Entertaining Thoughts from Oscar Wilde

Entertaining thoughts

Why do some people love cringe comedy while others can't stand it?

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