In adolescence we spend the most time with our parents, siblings, and friends; as we enter adulthood we spend more time with co-workers, partners, and children; and in our later years, we spend an increasing amount of time alone.To understand how social connections evolve throughout our lives we look at survey data on how much time people spend with others, and who that time is spent with.

Who We Spend Time with Evolves Across Our Lifetimes

We often tend to look at the amount of time spent with others as a marker of social well-being, but the quality of time we spend with others matters even more for our feelings of connection and lonelinessData shows that as we become older we tend to spend more and more time alone.However, loneliness is not the same as feeling lonely.Surveys that ask people about living arrangements, time use, and feelings of loneliness find that solitude alone is not a good predictor of loneliness.

Older And Lonelier

Older people spend a large amount of time alone and it is understandable why – time spent alone increases with age because this is when health typically deteriorates and people lose relatives and friends.We often tend to look at the amount of time spent with others as a marker of social well-being; but the quality of time spent with others, and our expectations, matter even more for our feelings of connection and loneliness.

Taking Stock Of Life

Stashed ideas

Who do we spend time with across our lifetime?

We may feel lonely if we have no one to sit next to at lunch or when we move to a new city, or no one has time for us on the weekend.  However, the occasional feeling of loneliness has become chronic for millions over the last few decades. While we live in the most connected time in history, we feel the most isolated. In the US, 46% of the population feel lonely regularly. In the UK, 60% of 18 - 34-year-olds often feel lonely.

Everybody feels lonely from time to time

Loneliness is a subjective individual experience. You can be surrounded by people yet feel lonely. If you feel lonely, you are lonely.Loneliness can affect everybody, regardless of money, fame, power, beauty, social skills, a great personality.Loneliness is part of your biology, just like hunger. Hunger make you pay attention to your physical needs; loneliness makes you pay attention to your social needs. So loneliness is an early warning system to ensure you stop behaviour that would isolate you.

Why loneliness is painful

During the Renaissance, Western culture turned its focus away from collectivism to the individual. The Protestant theology further stressed individual responsibility. During the Industrial Revolution, people left their villages and fields to enter factories. As a result, stable communities started to dissolve while cities grew. This trend sped up more and more, and today, we move great distances for new jobs, love, and education while leaving our social net behind.

The start of the loneliness epidemic

Today, we meet fewer people in person and less often. In the US, the mean number of close friends dropped from 3 in 1985 to 2 in 2011. Most people become lonely because they become too busy with work, university, romance, kids, Netflix. Then it's easy to sacrifice time with friends until you wake up one day and discover you feel isolated and desire close relationships.

Sacrificing friends

Studies found that the stress that comes from chronic loneliness is the most unhealthy thing we can experience. When you feel lonely, you become worse at interpreting social signals and understand people less. Your brain starts to become out of tune with recognising faces and categorising neutral faces as hostile, making you become distrustful of others. You assume the worst about others, become more self-centred to protect yourself and appear more cold and unfriendly than you are.

Chronic loneliness is unhealthy

Try to recognise the vicious cycle you may be trapped in.  <ul><li>Accept that loneliness is a normal feeling. Everybody feels lonely at some point.</li><li>Examine what you focus your attention on. Check if you selectively focus on negative things. </li><li>Are you assuming the worst about others' intentions? When you enter a social situation, have you already decided how it will go? Do you assume others don't want you around?</li><li>Can you give others the benefit of the doubt?</li><li>Can you risk being open and vulnerable again?</li><li>Do you avoid being around others to protect yourself?</li><li>Have you become complacent with your situation?</li></ul>

Notice the vicious cycle you're stuck in

<ul><li>Try to reach out to someone today regardless of whether you feel a little lonely or want to make someone else's day better. Maybe it's a friend you haven't spoken to in a while. Call a family member who has become estranged.</li><li>Invite a work colleague for a coffee.</li><li>Go to something you are usually too afraid to go to, such as a sports club.</li><li>Don't go with any expectations. The goal is to open up a bit to exercise your connection muscles or help others exercise theirs.</li><li>If you feel unable to solve your situation yourself, please reach out and get professional help.</li></ul>

How to escape chronic loneliness

Everybody feels lonely sometimes. But only few of us are aware how important this feeling was for our ancestors - and that our modern world can turn it into something that really hurts us. Why do we feel this way and what can we do about it? Sources: https://sites.google.com/view/sourcesloneliness/startseite Books mentioned in the endcard: 'Emotional First Aid' by Guy Winch https://www.amazon.com/Emotional-First-Aid-Rejection-Everyday/dp/0142181072/ 'Loneliness' by John Cacioppo & William Patrick https://www.amazon.com/Loneliness-Human-Nature-Social-Connection/dp/0393335283/ OUR CHANNELS ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ German Channel: https://kgs.link/youtubeDE Spanish Channel: https://kgs.link/youtubeES HOW CAN YOU SUPPORT US? ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ This is how we make our living and it would be a pleasure if you support us! Get Merch designed with ❤ from https://kgs.link/shop Join the Patreon Bird Army 🐧 https://kgs.link/patreon DISCUSSIONS & SOCIAL MEDIA ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Reddit: https://kgs.link/reddit Instagram: https://kgs.link/instagram Twitter: https://kgs.link/twitter Facebook: https://kgs.link/facebook Discord: https://kgs.link/discord Newsletter: https://kgs.link/newsletter OUR VOICE ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ The Kurzgesagt voice is from Steve Taylor: https://kgs.link/youtube-voice OUR MUSIC ♬♪ ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ 700+ minutes of Kurzgesagt Soundtracks by Epic Mountain: Spotify: https://kgs.link/music-spotify Soundcloud: https://kgs.link/music-soundcloud Bandcamp: https://kgs.link/music-bandcamp Youtube: https://kgs.link/music-youtube Facebook: https://kgs.link/music-facebook The Soundtrack of this video: Soundcloud: https://bit.ly/2X3Qezs Bandcamp: https://bit.ly/2tlrWU3 Youtube: https://bit.ly/2CZ6PeN Facebook: http://bit.ly/2qW6bY4 🐦🐧🐤 PATREON BIRD ARMY 🐤🐧🐦 ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ Many Thanks to our wonderful Patreons from http://kgs.link/patreon who support us every month and made this video possible: Aleksandra Przytuła, Jemma, Will, 士誠 劉, Vincent Boucart, Tea4ever, Thomas Hogdahl, Gaurav Mathur, Andy Matthews, Tom Ingleby, Phil Crawford, Dannythetwo, Carl Canova, Martin Anderson, Mathieu Langis, tineeetim, Jeongmin Bae, Jarno Verhoofstad, Thomas Auberson, Ethan DeKelver, Enis Zeyrek, Dennis Værum, Matt Miller, Sasha Mamzelev, Dunkel, kartacha, Daniel Miller, Joshua Brost, Kyle Ivin, Erich Onzik, Allison McCarthy, Dejan Cencelj, Bogdan DANCU, Peter Cornell, Francesco Rossetto, Michael Mutarelli, Edward DeCook, Yashasvi Singh, Austin Gilstrap-Turner, Josie Xu, NorgTheSupporter, Carmine D'Amico, Ann Poplick, Ingrid Wong, Andrés Help us caption & translate this video! https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UCsXVk37bltHxD1rDPwtNM8Q&tab=2

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Who do we spend time with across our lifetime?

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#loneliness

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Loneliness

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