<ul><li>Many emotionally neglectful families aren’t able to teach their children how to soothe themselves</li><li>Self-soothing can get you through some of the most challenging days or moments of your life by helping you manage feelings of hurt, anger, sadness, or grief.</li><li>It can make you more resilient as a person.</li></ul>

Most people don’t give much thought to self-soothing

Fortunately, self-soothing is not complex or difficult to learn. In fact, for most people, it’s mostly a process of self-discovery, trying different ideas, and observing the outcome. As you go through the process of learning self-soothing, an added benefit is getting to know yourself better on an emotional level.Since every human being is unique, the things that will be soothing to you will be specific to you.

Self-soothing is a learnable skill

<ol><li>Make a list of possible activities that you think might be soothing for you. You will have this initial group of possible strategies ready to try when you need them.</li><li>Watch for strong feelings of anger, hurt, sadness, or any other feeling that is too sharp or painful to manage. These are your chances to try out your list.</li><li>Try different strategies at different times, since different strategies may work in different situations and with different feelings. Try one strategy and if it doesn’t work, try another.</li><li>If one of your strategies isn't good, mark it off. Add new ones as they occur to you.</li></ol>

Steps to learn self-soothing

<ul><li>Self-talk: Talk to yourself in your own head about what you’re feeling or its cause</li><li>Cry: Crying helps you maintain biological homeostasis and regulates your heart rate when you are upset</li><li>Exercise: Cook something creative or healthy</li><li>Play with a child</li><li>Call a friend</li><li>Sit quietly and look out the window</li><li>Meditate.</li></ul>

Examples of self-soothing

Being able to tolerate and soothe a painful feeling makes you more resilient.

Stashed ideas

How to Learn a Valuable Lifetime Skill: Self-Soothing

The world is full of outsiders: students at university far from home, immigrants to a new country. Many American workers became outsiders when they quit their jobs in the Great Resignation. But because it was voluntary doesn't make it easy. Being an outsider can be lonely and difficult. Yet, there is little evidence that being an outsider creates long-term problems for happiness or lowers your chance of success. When people are thrust between places and cultures, they tend to develop strength, flexibility, and resiliency.

Being an Outsider


Many older theories of philosophy and psychiatry would predict difficult outcomes for outsiders and would recommend against being one if possible. Plato believed that acculturation, which is the psychological change that takes place when a person blends into an unfamiliar culture, was damaging to one's sense of self. This reasoning was continued by psychologists such as Abraham Maslow, Erik Erikson, and Carl Rogers. Outsiders often face particular hardships, like distrust by insiders. People at the margins of society often bear the brunt of hostility.

Difficulties outsiders face

Outsiders may suffer somewhat in the short term, but evidence shows that in the long run, being an outsider may be one of the best investments you will ever make, and you should embrace it, pain and all. <ul><li>A 2018 study showed that outsiders grow to be happier and more resilient than their peers and are less prone to age-related cognitive decline. </li><li>A 2012 review found being raised in at least two cultures leads to greater psychological and emotional well-being and higher social competence.</li><li>Outsiders further develop a superpower; they develop multiple cultural identities that they can use flexibly,</li></ul>

Outsiders do very well

<ul><li>Being an outsider is a feature, not a bug. When you are new in a group, you might view your unfamiliarity as a cost of doing business, but it is making you stronger and more resilient.</li><li>Find regular ways to be an outsider. Find opportunities to be on the margins; go to a new church, club or gym where you don't know anyone.</li><li>Make new friends with outsiders. It's a way to practice creating your own culture. Even if you aren't an outsider, you can learn these skills by joining those who are.</li></ul>

How to incorporate an outside ethos

Doing so may feel painful, but it’s one of the best investments you will ever make.

Find More Ways to Be an Outsider

<ul><li>He was the last famous Stoic of the ancient world</li><li>He was known for his physical frailty, due to chronic health problems, but also for his exceptional resilience</li><li>He repeatedly told himself that the goal of his life is not pleasure but action</li><li>As a young emperor, Marcus was ridiculed as a snob and a bore because at gladiator games they could see that he was reading legal documents and discussing them with his advisors.</li></ul>

Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius

For Stoics, the highest good is to act consistently in accord with reason and virtue.What matters in life isn't what happens to us but how we respond to it. Philosophy is really a way of life, how we choose to act.

The Stoic Goal of Life

<ul><li>The Stoics were concerned that their speech should not only be honest and simple but also appropriate to the needs of the hearer.</li><li>Correcting someone else's vices requires considerable tact; it is like pointing out that they have bad breath.</li><li>Stoics wanted to describe events in plain and simple terms.</li><li>This requires two main things: Conciseness and Objectiveivity.</li></ul>

How to Speak Wisely

The Stoics divided the day into three stages: The Stoic morning meditation, Mindfulness throughout the day, and Stoic evening reflectionBy deeply reflecting on our values each day and attempting to describe them concisely, we can develop a clearer sense of direction.

How to Live by Your Values

<ul><li>Nothing lasts forever</li><li>Fear of death does us more harm than death itself because it turns us into cowards</li><li>Death merely returns us to Nature</li><li>To a man of wisdom, death should be among the least feared thing in life.</li></ul>

How to Prepare for Death

When doing what feels pleasurable becomes more important than doing what's actually good for us or our loved ones... that's a recipe for disaster.Evaluate your habits and desires in terms of the bigger picture: how much do these pursuits actually contribute to your long-term happiness or sense of fulfillment in life?

How to Conquer Desire

Pain is just a sensation, in other words; what matters is how we choose to respond to it.Tell yourself that the pain won’t last long if it’s severe or that you’re capable of enduring much worse if the pain is chronic.

How to Tolerate Pain

Premeditation of adversity can be useful in confronting anger and other negative emotions, but its techniques are particularly suited to treat fear and anxiety.Fear is essentially a future-focused emotion, so it’s natural that we should counter it by addressing our thoughts concerning the future.

How to Relinquish Fear

<ul><li>The main antidote to anger for Marcus is the Stoic virtue of kindness.</li><li>If someone hates you, that's their problem. Your only concern is to avoid doing anything to deserve being hated.</li><li>Nothing lasts forever. If events will seem trivial in the future when we look back on them, then why should we care strongly about them now?</li></ul>

How to Conquer Anger

<ul><li>The Stoics wanted to develop a healthy sense of gratitude in life, unspoiled by attachment.</li><li>They practiced calmly imagining change and loss, like a river gently flowing past, carrying things away.</li><li>Don't fight what happens but try to accept and even embrace it.</li></ul>

How to Accept One's Fate

"This book is a wonderful introduction to one of history's greatest figures: Marcus Aurelius. His life and this book are a clear guide for those facing adversity, seeking tranquility and pursuing excellence." —Ryan Holiday, bestselling author of The Obstacle is the Way and The Daily Stoic The life-changing principles of Stoicism taught through the story of its most famous proponent. Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius was the last famous Stoic philosopher of the ancient world. The Meditations, his personal journal, survives to this day as one of the most loved self-help and spiritual classics of all time. In How to Think Like a Roman Emperor, cognitive psychotherapist Donald Robertson weaves the life and philosophy of Marcus Aurelius together seamlessly to provide a compelling modern-day guide to the Stoic wisdom followed by countless individuals throughout the centuries as a path to achieving greater fulfillment and emotional resilience. How to Think Like a Roman Emperor takes readers on a transformative journey along with Marcus, following his progress from a young noble at the court of Hadrian—taken under the wing of some of the finest philosophers of his day—through to his reign as emperor of Rome at the height of its power. Robertson shows how Marcus used philosophical doctrines and therapeutic practices to build emotional resilience and endure tremendous adversity, and guides readers through applying the same methods to their own lives. Combining remarkable stories from Marcus’s life with insights from modern psychology and the enduring wisdom of his philosophy, How to Think Like a Roman Emperor puts a human face on Stoicism and offers a timeless and essential guide to handling the ethical and psychological challenges we face today.

How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius

The ability to be resilient is not just a mindset thing: It is an execution thing.

Understanding resilience

Organisations that have some healthy paranoia, where they're constantly looking for threats and opportunities become resilient. Adversity can come from unforeseen market conditions or from internal conditions.  But resilient organisations plan for those things. The more engaged the workforce is, the more resilient the organisation will be to overcome adversity.

Workplace resilience

A quick take on building resilience in the workplace from Brent Gleeson – former Navy SEAL, author, and founder of TakingPoint Leadership. Get the full lesson from Brent Gleeson for your business: https://bigthink.com/plus/ How is a boardroom like a battleground? Both spaces require communication, collaboration, and a high degree of mental toughness. In an article for Forbes, Gleeson wrote that his experience in combat gave him, “a highly valuable and applicable set of tools that translated well to entrepreneurship and leadership in business.” Of course, most people aren't fighting life-or-death battles at their desks every day – but they do face unique and complex challenges. On top of their normal job responsibilities, today's workforce is grappling with an ongoing global pandemic, political polarization, the effects of climate change, and the day-to-day stressors of balancing work and home life. In such uncertain and chaotic times, why are some employees able to thrive while others are barely scraping by? The difference often lies in their capacity to quickly recover from difficulties, a skill that can be taught in the workplace through resilience training.  See the full article on building resilience, here: https://bigthink.com/articles/resilience-training/ Follow Big Think+ -LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/showcase/big-think-plus -Twitter: https://twitter.com/bigthinkplus -Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/bigthinkplus

Building resilience in the workplace | Brent Gleeson

In today's fast-changing world, companies increasingly need to be proactively resilient to be successful. They need to assemble teams quickly, draw on collective knowledge, find expertise, collect information in real time, and communicate strategic messages. To build those capabilities, organisations need a culture that enables employees to become "gig mindsetters" - salaried employees who behave and think like freelancers.

Thriving in a fast-changing world 

Gig mindsetters are continuous learners. They manage themselves, take the initiative, focus more on skills and less on roles, use better processes, and are confident to question the status quo. They share what they learn, take ownership of their growth, and have the ability to influence people.

Gig mindsetters

Large scale learning programmes often fail because they don't encourage people to take the initiative. Another approach is the learn, apply, share strategy. People who want to continue learning answer a formal but simple document that lists six questions. <ul><li>What will I learn?</li><li>How will I learn?</li><li>How will my company and I benefit from my investment?</li><li>When will I learn?</li><li>Where will I learn?</li><li>Who will help me make this a success, for my company and myself?</li></ul>

The learn, apply, share strategy

People want a sense of purpose. To establish whether your organisation has a gig mindset learning culture, consider the following questions: <ul><li>Are your employees able to communicate directly with senior leaders?</li><li>Are they encouraged to challenge the status quo?</li><li>Are teams built by focusing on skills and knowledge?</li><li>Are teams encouraged to share their work before it is completed?</li><li>When an experimental initiative fails, is it considered a positive experience?</li><li>Are people given time for external networking?</li></ul>

Creating a gig mindset learning culture

If gig mindsetters continually encounter obstacles, they may look elsewhere for more suitable places to work. Gig mindsetters may encounter difficulties at work because managers may think they are disrespectful or self-centred if they challenge the status quo. However, people with a gig mindset show loyalty to the organisation, not the processes. They are willing to improve things that will benefit the organisation.

Retaining gig mindsetters

These employees manage themselves, take initiative, and don’t hesitate to question the status quo — all helpful traits during uncertain times.

How to Learn a Valuable Lifetime Skill: Self-Soothing

Find More Ways to Be an Outsider

How to Think Like a Roman Emperor: The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius

Building resilience in the workplace | Brent Gleeson

How Workers with a “Gig Mindset” Can Help Your Company Thrive

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