They’re the friends whose presence at a dinner party guarantees that everyone is going to have a good time. They exude warmth, playfulness and self-confidence, and people always appear happy to have them around.• They’re spontaneous.• They’re at ease with themselves and comfortable in their own skin.• They’re not afraid to be silly.• They’re not afraid to try new things and to be a beginner.• They’re not afraid to be vulnerable.• They’re appreciative of the small things.• They find joy in being alive.

Some People Are Fun To Be With

Being appealing has also got to do with the way the fun folks made other people feel in their presence. For example:• You never feel judged by them.• They make everyone feel included.• They’re considerate of others’ feelings.• They get excited with you.• They create wonderful, shared memories.

Beautiful And Appealing Vibes

Very few of the characteristics mentioned were genetically determined and you don’t need to be extroverted to be considered fun. For instance, you do not need to be the life of the party to make other people feel included, or to create wonderful memories, or to appreciate the small things in life.In fact, many of the qualities people mentioned — such as being considerate of other people’s feelings — are things that introverts do naturally. They are the result of choices and habits, practiced over days and years. Being a “fun” person is a skill we can develop.

These Traits Can Be Acquired

The primary thing that separates people who attract fun from their peers is their attitude. They approach life in general with a “fun mindset”.Having a fun mindset refers to the habit of intentionally approaching and reacting to your life in a way that is attractive to fun — or, more specifically, true fun, which is the confluence of playfulness, connection and flow.The secret to developing a fun mindset is to deliberately seek out as many opportunities as you can in order to create or appreciate playfulness, connection and flow.

The Fun Mindset

The easiest way to have more humor … is not to try to be funny; instead, just look for moments to laugh.We all enjoy spending time with people who make us laugh and who laugh a lot themselves. The easier you are to laugh (and the more things you can find to laugh about) the more attractive you’ll be, both to other people and to fun. And, to point out the obvious, you’ll also spend <a href="https://ideas.ted.com/meet-a-scientist-with-a-most-delightful-job-he-studies-baby-laughter/">more time laughing</a>, which in itself will make you feel good.

Being Easy To Laugh

'Yes, and” is a technique (and philosophy) derived from improv comedy in which you respond to new ideas and suggestions by agreeing with them (the “yes”) and building on them (the “and”). You are supposed to agree and then add something of your own. If one person says ‘I can’t believe it’s so hot in here,’ and you just say, ‘Yeah … ’ we’re kind of at a standstill.But if you say, ‘What did you expect? We’re in hell' or ‘Yes, this can’t be good for the wax figurines.’ then you are agreeing and adding value.

The 'Yes, And' Technique

Another way to develop a fun mindset is to regularly — and explicitly — ask yourself, “How could I add a bit of playfulness, connection or flow to whatever I’m doing or experiencing right now?”You can do this whether you’re with other people or alone, and your ideas don’t have to be earth-shattering to be effectiveFiguring out ways to add even teensy bits of playfulness, connection and flow to your everyday activities can also help objectively non-fun activities, such as chores, feel more tolerable.

Sprinkle Playfulness, Connection and Flow Into Your Days

In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and, snap! The job’s a game.

Another way to build a fun mindset is to create more moments of everyday connection by sending out more play signals — i.e., things we do to let other creatures know that we are being playful and that our intentions are friendly, and to invite them to respond with playfulness, too.One of the play signals dogs use is the bow they perform when they try to get another dog to play with them — they lunge onto their front elbows, stick their bottoms in the air, and wag their tails.

Send out Play Signals

People don’t want to have a boring life, or even a boring conversation. They’re just risk averse. If you create an environment where there’s no reason to be afraid, all of a sudden, things loosen up. Everyone wants to have fun; they just don’t know how.The more you cultivate your own fun mindset, the more fun you’ll attract — and the better equipped you’ll be to invite others to join you.

The Bottom Line

It's all about developing what journalist Catherine Price calls a "fun mindset." Here, she shares four ways that you can create -- or appreciate -- moments of fun in your life.

Stashed ideas

We all know people who seem to attract fun — here’s how you can do it too

Improving your social skills can benefit you in every area of life. Social skills are important because they can help you communicate more effectively and efficiently. As a result, you’re able to build, maintain and grow more meaningful relationships with colleagues, clients and new contacts alike. Here are 10 ways to develop your social skills:

How to improve social skills 

Find ways to further conversations with friends, family and close coworkers or practice your conversation skills by asking open-ended questions. Similarly, set a small goal for yourself to offer at least one project or business strategy at your next board meeting.

1. Engage with others

Start developing your social skills in small ways by engaging with people you interact with on a daily basis. For instance, if you are out shopping, you might reply with a question instead of a one-word answer when a checkout clerk asks how your day is going. Similarly, you can find ways to lengthen conversations with acquaintances or practice your conversation skills with long-distance relatives you speak to less often.

2. Start in small ways

Asking open-ended questions can be an effective way to get others talking. It can help by allowing you insight and understanding into your friends, family, colleagues and even your superiors. When you engage with an open-ended question, it can help them feel validated in their thoughts and emotions, and this can have a positive impact on how you build relationships.Oftentimes, coworkers may appreciate being asked open-ended questions, since it shows you are taking interest in their ideas. Try the following open-ended questions: “How do you feel about…?” “Can you tell me more about…?”

3. Ask open-ended questions

Another step toward developing your social skills is to observe your colleagues. Take notice of nonverbal communication, body language (such as smiling and nodding) and the vocabulary they use to get a conversation going. Consider what makes your coworkers’ social skills effective and engaging. You can refer to these observations and incorporate them into your own communication skills.

4. Observe your coworkers’ social skills

Practice maintaining eye contact during conversations. Consider setting a goal to make and hold eye contact for at least three to five seconds each time you engage with someone. You might practice with a close colleague with who you feel comfortable. Let them know you are trying to improve your ability to maintain eye contact. Practice holding eye contact during the beginning of the conversation, when listening to your coworker speaking and while thanking them and closing the conversation.

5. Practice maintaining eye contact

Equally as important as being able to share your own thoughts is being an active listener. In doing so, you allow others to feel comfortable sharing their ideas and input. Practice your listening skills by maintaining eye contact, using nonverbal communication like nodding when you agree and asking clarifying questions when hearing something you misunderstand.

6. Develop your listening skills

Building relationships with others can seem intimidating, but it helps to start with developing a relationship with one person at a time. First, find a teammate that works in a similar role as you and invite them to lunch or to have coffee. Having a role or job responsibilities in common can give you topics in common to talk about, but eventually, try asking questions to get to know them better as an individual. As you build more relationships, connect on a one-on-one level with people who work in different areas of the business. This can help you grow your professional network.

7. Invite a coworker to lunch or for coffee

Complimenting others on a job well done is a great way to demonstrate friendliness and appreciation of others. They can act as an opening to a larger conversation or ongoing conversation. Be sincere—a compliment that is disingenuous can work against you.

8. Offer genuine compliments freely

There are many classes, books, podcasts and tools available both on and offline to help you improve your social skills. Try searching for resources based on a specific topic such as body language, networking or active listening. From there, put your learnings into practice.

9. Find social skills resources

Staying up to date on current trends, events and news stories can give you topics to talk about with others. Consider subscribing to local news alerts or industry-specific newsletters to have content sent directly to you. As a best practice, avoid controversial topics like politics or religion to keep conversations professional and friendly.

10. Keep up with current events

Developing social skills is valuable in both your personal life and at work. In the workplace, social skills can prove impactful on your job performance.

Self Improvement

10 Ways To Develop and Improve Your Social Skills

Phubbing is a term used to describe the act of snubbing someone in favour of the phone. It’s a blend of “phone” and “snubbing.” Phubbing behaviour can also be seen in overhead gazing or looking over someone’s head for an opportunity during a conversation.

Phubbing: Snubbing Others With Your Phone

The most common form of phubbing is when someone is talking to you, looking at their phone instead of making eye contact. Other examples of phubbing someone can do include:• Interrupting a conversation to take a phone call• Scrolling through social media while they’re supposed to be listening to someone• Turning to the phone to escape an argument or disagreement, especially with a partner

The Phone Snub That We All Know About

Phubbing can be due to boredom and a way for someone to find quick entertainment. It could also be due to someone trying to avoid an awkward conversation or feeling socially anxious during social interactions. Other times, snubbing can happen when someone becomes addicted to their phones.

The Reason For Phubbing

Phubbing can be addictive, especially when it becomes normal during social interactions. Some people might over-rely on phones and avoid social interactions, especially during parties, friendly get-togethers, or business conferences. If phubbing starts damaging relationships, it can be dangerously addictive.

The Addictive Habit Of Phubbing

Phubbing can lead to communication problems. When someone is phubbing you, they’re not really listening to what they’re saying. This can make you feel left out in a conversation.Phubbing can damage relationships. Eye contact is super important in bonding and developing oxytocin, the chemical that builds trust and connection. A lack of eye contact due to phubbing can make people feel like you don’t care about them or value their time.

Dangers Of Phubbing

If you encounter someone who phubs during a conversation, follow their gaze. Notice what they look at and make a comment:If they look at their phone, gaze over at their phone screen. “Did you want to show me something interesting?”If they’re eyeballing the person next to you, look over at them. “Oh, do you know them?”Every time they phub, look where they are looking. They may realize 3 things:<ul><li>It’s super distracting</li><li>It’s not nice</li><li>They will become annoyed or self-conscious with you pointing out their phubbing.</li></ul>

Stop Phubbing: Follow Their Gaze

Some people might be guilty of phubbing because they’re super introverted or socially anxious. In this case, you’ll want to help them by rewarding them with eye contact.Here’s how:Flash them a reassuring smile whenever they look up. Smiling will act as a reinforcement and cue them that it’s good to look at you. You can even add a few small nods to the smile.Pause first, continue later. When someone snubbed you during a conversation (especially if you’re talking), immediately employ the pause. You might even be in the middle of a sentence.

Reward Eye Contact

If you notice someone is phubbing you if they are upset about something or avoiding something, you can verbally say, “Is everything OK? I notice you’re looking down a lot,” or, “I notice you haven’t been looking at me.”This is a straightforward approach, but if you think they are going through a personal issue, this might be a way for them to open up and share what’s going on.

Be Direct

Try saying this line when you notice someone buries themselves in their phone. You’ll give them the heads-up that you won’t make conversation with them unless they’re giving you their full attention.This one’s super direct! Save it for those hardcore snubbers.

Say It To Them

You can playfully say, “Say hi for me!” or another fun/humorous/playful one-liner. This will help lighten up the conversation while also pointing out that you notice their snubbing.Other clever one-liners might include:“Don’t worry. You can take my number down later.”“This must be important. Is that the President on the other line?”“Oh, you must be checking out the latest memes, right?”

Be Playful

Phubbing: How to Deal with People Who Won’t Make Eye Contact

It's easy to think we possess reasonable social skills because we know how to have a conversation with strangers and can occasionally make a whole group laugh.  A greater test than this, and surprising in its ability to trip us up, is to have a pleasant time with a child we don't know. In theory, this should be easy as we were all once kids. But in reality, it is strangely hard to be at ease around children we're not familiar with.

Limited social skills

The reason why we may feel tongue-tied and inept around shy five-year-olds or a moody 10-year-old is that children are unable to do any of the usual things that ease social encounters between adult strangers. They don't ask polite questions about what we've been up to. They don't consider what might be important to us. They don't do the news or the weather and can't tell us much about themselves and their interests.

Children are the greatest tests of one’s mastery of the arts of charm and kindness

Montaigne said he found nothing more notable in the life of Socrates than that he was very gifted at playing with children. In his later years, Socrates spent many hours playing games and giving children piggybacks for 'all actions, says philosophy, equally become and equally honour a wise man.' He did not deliver lectures to them. Henri IV, the King of France, was very sweet around children. He once kept the Spanish Ambassador waiting while pretending to b a horse for his children to ride on. He did not sit on a throne discussing how to rule a kingdom.

Famous examples of people who know how to become vulnerable

Both King Henri VI and Socrates knew how to engage with children.<ul><li>They put aside their well-known virtues and prestige to make themselves vulnerable - the same way one should be when a friendship is at stake.</li><li>They knew how to find common ground. They imaginatively searched for what unites people and could find within their characters the joys and excitements of someone who has not been on earth very long.</li><li>They feel their way into the needs and points of view of strangers.</li><li>Even if they are confident, they know how to be in touch with the more timid version of themselves.</li></ul>

How to engage with strangers

You’ll know you’ve truly become socially adept when you finally manage to make small talk with that most challenging and unforgiving of characters: a small child you hardly know. If you like our films, take a look at our shop (we ship worldwide): https://goo.gl/aLr91M Join our mailing list: http://bit.ly/2e0TQNJ Or visit us in person at our London HQ https://goo.gl/tGq1RG FURTHER READING “It can be easy to imagine we possess reasonable social skills, because we know how to maintain a conversation with strangers and – every now and then – manage to make a whole table laugh. But there’s a test far sterner than this, surprising in its ability to trip us up: the challenge of having a pleasant time with a child we don’t know. Theoretically speaking, this should be so easy. We were all once kids. We know a great deal more than they do and – as far as they’re concerned – hold all the cards: if we felt like it, we could buy 26 packets of biscuits and go to bed whenever we wanted…” You can read more on this and other subjects on our blog, here: https://goo.gl/9APsau MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE Our website has classes, articles and products to help you think and grow: https://goo.gl/y51g7f Watch more films on RELATIONSHIPS in our playlist: http://bit.ly/TSOLrelationships You can submit translations and transcripts on all of our videos here: https://www.youtube.com/timedtext_cs_panel?c=UC7IcJI8PUf5Z3zKxnZvTBog&tab=2 Find out how more here: https://support.google.com/youtube/answer/6054623?hl=en-GB SOCIAL MEDIA Feel free to follow us at the links below: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theschooloflifelondon/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/TheSchoolOfLife Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theschooloflifelondon/ CREDITS Produced in collaboration with: Martin Pickles http://martinpickles.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife

The Ultimate Test of Your Social Skills

Rudeness is everywhere-maybe a stranger cut you off in traffic, a coworker shut the door in your face, or a loved one snapped at you for "not cleaning up after yourself" when you had left the knife on the edge of the sink on purpose in case you wanted to make another sandwich later

Rude People

Researchers have found that just like the common cold, common negative behaviours can spread easily and have significant consequences.
It can be helpful to remember that when someone is being rude to you, it says more about them than you.

Rude Is Contagious! Here Is What Makes People Rude

<ul><li>When rudeness in the workplace goes unaddressed, research finds that employees feel less motivated and less productive.</li><li>Not only can rudeness impact a person's excitement about work and ability to do well at work, but it can negatively affect one's creativity as well.</li><li>Rude people are less likely to progress professionally.</li></ul>

Rudeness At The Workplace

If someone is rude to you, immediately pause. Don’t be offensive or rude back. Use ASSA-Alert, State, Sell, and Agree.Ask if they realize how hurtful or offensive their behaviour is, and help them understand why it was inappropriate. This helps people see that you are being reasonable while also clearly showing them the consequences of their rude behaviour will be.

Pause and Ask

<ul><li>The quickest way to thaw out a "cold shoulder" is with warmth.</li><li>When people are physically warm, they are more likely to show friendly character traits.</li><li>Action Step: When you're in the midst of a situation dealing with someone who is being rude, try using warm non-verbal cues to show warmth.</li></ul>

Lean Towards Warmness

If you feel like someone is underestimating you, be kind and direct.Address the person and ask for the opportunity to show your capability.Example: "I'm so excited to be entrusted with this responsibility and put my expertise into spearheading this project."Cite studies, research, or industry thought leaders to show you are doing your homework.

Display Your Competence

If the person being rude to you is a loved one or a colleague, you may want to wait to address their behaviour in private.When you talk with them, instead of telling them that they were being rude, try to help them understand how their actions made you feel.

Have a One-On-One

The person acting rudely may not understand the culture or "The way we do things around here" and not realize they are being rude.Give people the benefit of the doubt. Instead of getting upset with someone for cutting you off in line or communicating poorly at work, try saying:“Excuse me, you may not have realized, but I’m already in line here.”“I would be happy to help show you the ropes on this project. It seems like it’s making you a bit stressed out.”

Give people the benefit of the doubt

<ul><li>Negative comments impact us much more than positive ones-at a 5-to-1 ratio.</li><li>If someone says something rude to you, take a second to affirm yourself with five positive things.</li><li>Remember, their harsh comments and negativity don't define you.</li></ul>

Someone Else's Negativity Does Not Define You

<ul><li>At a big family function, wait until the person who is being rude to you has a chance to sit down before you find your seat. This way, you can choose a seat in a different part of the room. </li><li>If you work with a rude coworker, adjust your lunch break to take it at a different time than they are. This way, you won’t need to get mean jabs from them while taking a break. </li></ul>

Ways to Avoid Someone without Being Too Obvious About It

Rudeness is something you encounter often, and if you’re not careful, you’ll “catch” the rudeness and start being rude to others around you. Dealing with rude people can be stressful, but it’s important for maintaining your well-being. Everyone has an off day from time to time. Be quick to apologize for your rudeness when you realize that you’ve snapped at your partner, made a joke that didn’t land well in a work meeting, or stood up a friend for a coffee date.

We all know people who seem to attract fun — here’s how you can do it too

10 Ways To Develop and Improve Your Social Skills

Phubbing: How to Deal with People Who Won’t Make Eye Contact

The Ultimate Test of Your Social Skills

How to Expertly Deal with Rude People (& What to Say!)

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