Most of us find it difficult to judge our own social behavior. Because we cannot see ourselves as we really are, we can use feedback from others to adjust our behavior.However, many people find it hard to accept compliments. This is especially true of people who are not very assertive.

Receiving Positive 

Compliments get tossed in the wastebasket in a number of ways. Here are a few :

How Are Compliments Not Accepted ?

The person may ignore the compliment altogether, pretending that it was not heard. Compliment: “That hat looks good on you.”Response: “Where do you want to eat lunch?” Or, the remark may not be recognized as a compliment.Compliment: “I’d like you to head the new department.”Response: “Don’t you like the work I’m doing in my current position?”

Ignoring

The person may void the compliment by contradicting it. Compliment: “You look great today.”Response: “No, I don’t. I look awful.”

Denial

The receiver may argue with the person giving the compliment to show that the compliment was misplaced. Compliment: “Your project really turned out well.”Response: “Nah. The attendance was lower than I projected, we didn’t make as much money as we could have, and the elephant was too fat.”

Arguing

The receiver may joke with the other person, failing to fully receive the compliment in the way it was meant. Compliment: “Listen, I really appreciate the help that you gave me when my mother was so sick.” Response: “Oh right, like I had anything better to do!”

Joking

The receiver may try to balance the positive feedback with self-imposed insults. Compliment: “You made great time on that last hill.”Response: “I guess it wasn’t too bad for a fat old guy.”

Self-insult

The receiver questions the judgment of the giver. Compliment: “You sang beautifully.”Response: “Why would you think that? You must be deaf.”

Questioning

The receiver accepts a smaller version of the compliment than was intended. Compliment: “You look terrific.”Response: “It’s these socks my sister gave me.”

Narrowing

The receiver quickly returns the compliment.Compliment: “You were funny tonight.”Response: “You, on the other hand, are hilarious every night.”

Boomerang

<ul><li>Many people have been taught that it is conceited to accept a compliment.</li><li>Some people feel the need to restore balance. A compliment is a positive, so to balance it out they have to devalue the compliment or give the other person a compliment in return.</li><li>Some people fear that accepting a compliment will leave them in debt to the other person. Many people have a low self-image.</li><li>Some people worry about the motives behind the compliment.</li></ul>

Why Are Compliments Not Accepted?

Some people think that avoiding compliments makes them look good. In reality, declining a compliment is an insult to the person offering it.

What Is The Effect of Avoiding Compliments?

The alternative is simply to accept the complimentThank the person offering the compliment, and do so without narrowing it down, without apologizing, and without returning it immediately.It is not arrogant to accept a compliment. It is polite.A simple “thank you” will do.

The Alternative

A compliment is a gift to be accepted. It is not a bomb needing to be defused, nor a volleyball needing to be returned.

Receiving positive feedback is a underrated social skills. Sometimes, accepting a compliment can be seen as being arrogant while it is not. Refusing compliment on the other hand is rude. Here are some ideas to overcome this fear.

Effective communication is a critical skill that influences your professional success, the stability of your family life, and your personal happiness. Your ability to communicate effectively is seriously hampered if you can't assert yourself constructively. If you've ever felt paralyzed by an imposing individual or strongly argued opposing point of view, you know that a lack of assertiveness can leave you feeling marginalized and powerless. The Assertiveness Workbook contains effective, cognitive behavioral techniques to help you become more assertive. Learn how to set and maintain personal boundaries without becoming inaccessible. Become more genuine and open in relationships without fearing attack. Defend yourself when you are criticized or asked to submit to unreasonable requests. This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives.

The Assertiveness Workbook

What does it take to have a great culture? Is there even a formula that we can duplicate? Or it's just an intuitive and a once-in-a-lifeline anomaly? Well, it turned out that we can make use of the patterns that good organizations and groups have in common.

What Makes A Good Culture?

“Belonging cues are behaviors that create safe connection in groups. They include, among others, proximity, eye contact, energy, mimicry, turn taking, attention, body language, vocal pitch, consistency of emphasis, and whether everyone talks to everyone else in the group.”Safety is an important enabler that allows us to do great work.  A work environment in which you feel safe in acting as you naturally would and speaking your mind is very conducive to group work. It’s only natural: you don’t want to keep looking over your back all the time.

Build Safety

“Vulnerability doesn’t come after trust—it precedes it. Leaping into the unknown, when done alongside others, causes the solid ground of trust to materialize beneath our feet.”Jeff Polzer, a researcher of organizational behavior at Harvard, found that when we share our own flaws with others, something amazing happens. He calls it a vulnerability loop.Vulnerability not just increases trust, it’s also a way to show acceptance. If you admit no one’s perfect, people will feel okay even after making mistakes, which are inevitable in accomplishing a shared goal.

Share Vulnerability

“When we hear a fact, a few isolated areas of our brain light up, translating words and meanings. When we hear a story, however, our brain lights up like Las Vegas, tracing the chains of cause, effect, and meaning. Stories are not just stories; they are the best invention ever created for delivering mental models that drive behavior.”It’s the sum of all beliefs and values among a team, as they relate to achieving a common goal. The goal is in the future, but a group lives in the now. PURPOSE should be like a bridge between the two.

Establish Purpose

What makes a good culture? Here's a coded blueprint to follow.

"Coyle spent three years researching the question of what makes a successful group tick, visiting some of the world's most productive groups--including Pixar, Navy SEALs, Zappos, IDEO, and the San Antonio Spurs. Coyle discovered that high-performing groups ... generate three key messages that enable them to excel: 1. Safety (we are connected), 2. Shared risk (we are vulnerable together), 3. Purpose (we are part of the same story)"--

Book BucketList 2022

The Culture Code

There are 2 factors that drive person to do work - 1)Motivation, 2)Consitency Motivation <ul><li>Motivation is like "Self-kick" that helps us to do our work to reach goals.</li></ul>It's of 2 types -<ul><li>Intrinsic- means we're doing that work for "Internal satisfaction"</li><li>Extrinsic- means there is a FORCE that's driving us to do work. It can be money,car, luxury, or any other external lurable things. </li></ul>But Consistency is different , that is👇🏻

Motivation

<ul><li>Consistency is doing "WORK" daily without giving much thought & make them HABITS.</li><li>Here "WORK" means it must be 'Productive' and 'Necessary' . For eg- Studying,Following passion,building skills & revising old ones(so they cannot be forgotten) are all productive things, and Eating, keeping body clean & fit, participating in Sports activities, etc are necessary things , an individual must practice daily.</li><li>"Without giving much thought" means you have "Planned" the 'road' on which you go to achieve your specified goal. And you just need to focus 'daily' on "small tasks" that will lead to that. </li></ul>

Consistency 

Motivation is like "Self-kick" to get us on track & Consistency is track on which we have to run to achieve our goals(Success).On track, we have to use our "energy & time" Wisely (Statistically- with planning) to get goal fastlyAnd Motivation "triggers" to go on that 'Consistency route'

Motivation & Consistency Relation

<ul><li>No one is always motivated & productive , there comes HABIT, which helps to do essential work & utilise time properly. </li><li>To do work, sometimes motivation will not be there but is you are consistent , your habit will help you to complete the task on time.</li></ul>

"I accumulated small but consistent habits that ultimately led to results that were unimaginable when I started"

Being consistent increases the chances of success whereas motivation helps to be pushed to do work , so which is more important. 

Self Improvement

Motivation v/s Consistency

Your smile is one of your biggest assets. It gives you confidence and endears you to others

Smile

People tend to read a lot about you when they stare into your eyes. Make your looks professional and confident

Eyes

The way you carry yourself says a lot about your confidence, self- esteem, and attitude towards others

Posture

Drawing attention by using any item that attracts people and encourages them to approach you

Attraction item

<ul><li>Talk more about what you do and less about where you work</li><li>Avoid trying to sound smart all the time – it looks like you’re desperate to impress</li><li>Only contribute to topics you know something about</li></ul>

To sound confident in a room full of professionals

"You'll not only break the ice, you'll melt it away with your new skills." -- Larry King "The lost art of verbal communication may be revitalized by Leil Lowndes." -- Harvey McKay, author of “How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive” What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their "Midas touch?" What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people. The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone (Contemporary Books, October 2003) Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques-- she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life. In this information-packed book you’ll find: 9 ways to make a dynamite first impression 14 ways to master small talk, "big talk," and body language 14 ways to walk and talk like a VIP or celebrity 6 ways to sound like an insider in any crowd 7 ways to establish deep subliminal rapport with anyone 9 ways to feed someone's ego (and know when NOT to!) 11 ways to make your phone a powerful communications tool 15 ways to work a party like a politician works a room 7 ways to talk with tigers and not get eaten alive In her trademark entertaining and straight-shooting style, Leil gives the techniques catchy names so you'll remember them when you really need them, including: "Rubberneck the Room," "Be a Copyclass," "Come Hither Hands," “Bare Their Hot Button,” “The Great Scorecard in the Sky," and "Play the Tombstone Game,” for big success in your social life, romance, and business. How to Talk to Anyone, which is an update of her popular book, Talking the Winner's Way (see the 5-star reviews of the latter) is based on solid research about techniques that work! By the way, don't confuse How to Talk to Anyone with one of Leil's previous books, How to Talk to Anybody About Anything. This one is completely different!

How to Talk to Anyone

<ul><li>A person who is in state of flow is at his maximum potential & productivity , can complete task faster than any other time of day.</li><li>In martial arts , "State of flow/State like water" is when a person's body do work or reacts without thinking i.e. instinctively.</li></ul>

What Is Flow Of State

<ul><li>When you are doing your best work & are in a total state of flow, where there is no separation between you and your work you're doing, you're having NO THOUGHTS in the moment.</li><li>And if you're having thoughts, it's just FLOWING RIGHT THROUGH you without you having to thing about it.</li><li>In other words, for humans "the state of peak performance is state of non-thinking"</li></ul>"Think less, work more"

How To Achieve It? 

<ul><li>As there are no wrong or right keys on piano , there are only decisions or "keys" that are more pleasant than others.</li><li>Similarly , do tasks in "STEP-WISE Linked" manner; means</li></ul><ol><li>Start the task.</li><li>Break it in parts (link every completed part with upcoming part).</li><li>Complete one-by-one part till finishing the task</li></ol>

How To Know What To Do Without Thinking? 

"Anxiety is thought without control,Flow is control without thought"

"The State of FLOW"  or non-thinking is when our productivity is at maximum & provides happiness, this is how to achieve it👇🏻

The Assertiveness Workbook

The Culture Code

Motivation v/s Consistency

How to Talk to Anyone

The State of "FLOW" or "Zero THOUGHT"

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