Adaline W. (@adalinew11) - Profile Photo

Adaline W.

@adalinew11

400 READS

Good communicator and coffee specialist. I also have a passion for music.

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499

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Stashing since

Nov 11, 2020

25 Published

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120 Stashed Ideas

When someone asks you something you're unsure about

Here are a few ways to buy yourself more time to assess the situation.

  • "I need a minute to regroup. Can we talk about this in an hour?"
  • "Can we chat about this later today, after I've had some time to consider it?"
  • To a friend who wants you to go to a dinner that sounds boring: "I'm going to say no to dinner, but I'd love to catch up another time."
  • To the colleague who wants you to help with an extra project: "I can't, unfortunately. But once I finish up my current deadline, I can see if there's a way I can support you."
Adaline W. (@adalinew11) - Profile Photo

@adalinew11

🗣

Communication

Effective LinkedIn Messages

While sending a LinkedIn message (or InMail), take note of these three factors to increase the likelihood of the message being read and responded to.

  1. Send short messages, in the range of 200-400 characters, as people are busy and it is better to be concise.
  2. The response rate is slightly better at the start of the weekday, so avoid sending on weekends.
  3. Make the message personalized, as people like to feel special. Add a name or some details unique to the individual, avoiding generic messages.
Conflict mistaken for passion

Arguments and disagreements in relationships are normal, but screaming matches and every day fighting isn’t.

People who seek out conflict in their relationship for the intense reconciliation are often addicted to the dopamine that they get after the fight is over – which isn’t healthy for either person.

Fear of public speaking

Public speaking is one of the main fears, including forgetting what to say during a presentation.

But, memorising your presentation can make you more likely to forget it. This is partly because you limit yourself to one 'right way to communicate your message. If you deviate from your point, your brain identifies it as an error and panic sets in. This cause a heightened awareness of how you sound and causes you to be less connected and engaging.

  • Ignoring context: Crossed arms don’t mean much if the room is cold or the chair they’re sitting in doesn’t have armrests. 
  • Not looking for clusters: It’s a consistent grouping of actions (sweating, touching the face, and stuttering together) that is really going to tell you something. 
  • Not getting a baseline: If someone is always jumpy, jumpiness doesn’t tell you anything. 
  • Not being conscious of biases: If you already like or dislike the person, it’s going to affect your judgment. 
  • It is easier to learn to read and understand a new language than it is to speak it.
  • According to a recent study, the adult brain compartmentalizes speech in the left hemisphere, showing minimal plasticity.
  • As people become proficient in a language, their brains use both hemispheres to read and understand, but speech production remains cornered in the left hemisphere.
Every person can be a good public speaker

Keep these things in mind:

  • People remember stories, not facts. Try to make your points through a story, rather than rattling off the facts.
  • Don't try to speak like everyone else. Your unique style is really an advantage. Speak the same way you would to a friend. Carry yourself the way you usually would, and don't try to censor yourself, like not allowing yourself to smile or laugh.
  • Being nervous can actually help you. It gives you adrenaline, focus, and the ability to perform at your highest level.
  1. Say it. Don't delay and don't try making excuses because that puts people in a place to ask more. Provide a brief explanation.
  2. Be assertive and courteous You might say, "I'm sorry I can't right now but will let you know when and if I can." This approach is polite, and puts you in a position of power by changing the dynamic. You're taking charge, telling people you'll let them know when and if you can.
  3. Understand peoples' tactics. Many people and organizations use manipulation techniques, whether knowingly or not.
  4. Set boundaries. When you truly understand the dynamic and your role, you won't feel as worried about the consequences of saying no. You'll realize that your relationship is solid and can withstand your saying no.
  5. Put the question back on the person asking. Let's say a supervisor is asking you to take on several tasks--more than you can handle. You might say, "I'm happy to do X, Y, and Z; however, I would need three weeks, rather than two, to do a good job. How would you like me to prioritize them?"
  6. Be firm. Stand firm, and don't feel compelled to give in just because that person is uncomfortable.
  7. Be selfish. Put your needs first. Not those of the person asking you for something.
  • People who can always find something else to blame.
  • People who blame themselves for everything, even when they’ve had nothing to do with an unfortunate outcome.
  • People who blame fate or a higher power, especially when there’s no one else who could conceivably have caused the outcome.
  • People who excuse themselves for the same negative behavior that they blame others for doing.
Why we lack the courage to step up

Most of us think we will have the courage to confront someone to do the right thing, but we will often fail to step up when actually facing a situation.

  • One factor that prevents us from speaking up is our fear of the consequences, such as losing a friendship, getting a reputation as a troublemaker, or facing negative consequences in our professional careers.
  • Another factor is confusion about what we're actually witnessing. We don't want to step in and appear stupid or overly sensitive.
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