There isn't a bigger privilege than love.
Nov 11, 2020
93 Stashed Ideas
We want people to be less rude, to do certain things, to avoid doing certain things, and to change their lives, eventually feeling frustrated when we realize that we cannot control them and it is impossible to change anyone.
The core error we make all the time is that we want others to be in a certain way, which almost never happens. The other alternative which hardly anyone follows is to let others be whatever they want to be and be at peace even if they are annoying.
When faced with challenges which of the two sounds more like you?
If you're the former, then you're more likely to be an overfunctioner while the latter, an underfunctioner.
We express or receive love in five fundamental ways:
Often, the two partners have different love languages, and there may be misunderstandings about not receiving the kind of love that is being given by one partner.
Humans are social creatures, interdependent on one another. Socializing is at its core, a mental workout, and an essential part of brain development.
Being alone, one can start to lose the sense of who one is, as our identity requires a reflection from others to become real. Self-isolation, with zero interaction with other people, makes a person disappear gradually.
While the desire for quality time comes from a good place, it is not part of reality.
One side of us is influenced by movies and wants everything to be special. But that ideal is almost impossible to live up to and often results in disappointment.
Parents, for many of us, are a complicated relationship. They can be a source of joy and can also feel like an emotionally draining ordeal.
Confronting them and making them understand how they hurt us is an ambitious option, which is rarely successful. While we may assume we can make them understand, we are surprised to hear them blame us for being immature, ungrateful and naive.
Too much is expected of modern relationships: your partner is supposed to fulfil roles that historically used to be spread out within communal structures. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend, lover, psychotherapist, child-care co-worker, and dishwasher.
What is essential during a crisis is to create boundaries, routines, and rituals. As best as possible, separate daytime and evening, week time and weekend, working time and idle time, family time and individual time. Routine creates a structure and brings a certain sense of order.