<ul><li>Narcissistic parents try to fill their emotional void through their children. </li><li>Being raised by a narcissist can lead to a variety of negative feelings and a compromised sense of self in adulthood. </li><li>Adult children of narcissists must grieve the loss of the "good enough" parenting that they never had. </li><li>Ambiguous losses are notable for the conflicting emotions they fuel. </li> </ul>

KEY POINTS

Bowlby and Parke developed a four-stage model of grief that focused on the aspect of attachment to the person who is gone. The stages include shock and numbness, yearning and searching, despair and disorganization, and reorganization and recovery. Bowlby’s research into attachment focused on the ways in which children form attachments from infancy. Looking at attachment as a means for survival, Bowlby’s perspective suggests that separation anxiety is driven by the abject terror of being abandoned by one’s parents.

STAGED MODELS

While narcissistic traits are the kind that drives away most people, children are bound to the narcissist by birth, and as they grow into <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/adolescence">adolescence </a>and adulthood, they may remain entangled in their narcissistic parent’s web. Bound by <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/guilt">guilt </a>and obligation, it can be difficult to move on and disengage. To do so, a clean break may be needed; limiting contact with parents and learning to ignore their calls and texts. Most of us receive a message to honor our parents and show them obedience, but narcissistic parents fail to earn their children’s respect due to the emotional disruption they trigger. Individuating from your parent and building your own sense of self may require you to consciously set aside any hopes that your parent will change and acknowledge that they can never be, nor have they ever been, the “good enough” parent that every child deserves. Accepting the loss of what you never had can free you to become the person you know you were meant to be.

Carving Out Identity in Adulthood

According to Bowlby and Parkes, grief commences with shock and numbness. Children of narcissists may be so numbed to the world around them due to the pressures that are put on them by their parents, they may not realize that their parents and their relationships are not like those of peers at first. Children of narcissists may already be emotionally shut down due to the parent’s controlling and demanding behavior.

Letting Go of a Narcissistic Parent: Shock and Numbness

Ambiguous losses take many forms including being raised by narcissistic parents.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

parenting

Parenting

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

teamwork

Teamwork

 Adult Children of Narcissistic Parents

Life is a beauty to those who know how to treat it like a princess. Your attitude towards life will determine how far you will go. Stop cursing and saying that it is no good.

Life

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Reflect on the positive reasons that you have chosen your partner.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">⁹88888888⁸Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and assume that they have good intentions.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Shifting your focus to understanding your partner's stuggles builds good will that comes back to you and strengthens your relationship.</li></ul>People in satisfying, fulfilling relationships give each other: The Benefit of the Doubt.Giving your partner the benefit of the doubt comes from a sense of caring and understanding in your relationship. Nothing strengthens your relationship more than being understanding .

Key points

Take no thought of who is right or wrong or who is better than. Be not for or against.

<ul><li>Reflect on the positive reasons that you have chosen your partner. </li><li>Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and assume that they have good intentions. </li><li>Shifting your focus to understanding your partner's stuggles builds good will that comes back to you and strengthens your relationship. </li> </ul>

Chosen Partner 

I have never had someone come into my office and say, “My problem is that my partner understands me too much.“ Developing empathy for your partner means really understanding what life has been and is like for them. Empathy is not some mystical power. It is not magic, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/intuition">intuition </a>, or just the “warm fuzzies.“ And make no mistake; empathy is not <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mind-reading">mind-reading </a>.Empathy is not something that drains or depletes partners. Sympathy can be draining, but not empathy. Sympathy leads us to feel we have to do something.

The Power Of Empathy For Giving Your Partner The Benefit Of The Doubt

As another example of giving the benefit of the doubt, Craig shares with his wife, Jill, that he'd like to start his own consulting firm. Jill then feels understandable <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anxiety">anxiety </a>(as does Craig). At the same time, she empathizes about how this need for entrepreneurship has been a longstanding need and goal for Craig.

Example Of Giving Your Partner The Benefit Of Doubt 

Here is how to make the benefit of the doubt work for you, your partner, and your relationship. 2. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Assume that they have good intentions. 3. Consider your partner’s caring and love shown in the past. Then ask yourself if there is a possibility that your partner had no intention of causing you any <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief">grief </a>.

5 Steps To Give Your Partner The Benefit Of The Doubt

Relationships take work. Yet, we need to ask ourself if we are just working hard (e.g., having the same fights over and over) or if we can learn and grow to give each other the gift of reasonable acceptance of our intimate partners. I have no doubt that giving each other the benefit of the doubt helps us work smarter and feel happier in our loving relationships.

Final Thoughts 

The importance of seeing your partner's perspective.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Giving Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt

At times in life when we are faced with situations that are meant to hurt us beyond measures, that are to break us in ways we can't imagine. Hope is the one thing that we all tend to hold on regardless if we pretend to act as if having hope will get us no were. <ul><li>Having hope increases our faith. </li><li>It gives us something to look forward too</li><li>It allows us to continue to keep pushing and not give up in the times of adversity.</li><li>We survive daily by having hope in our hearts. </li><li>We believe in better days! </li></ul>

Surviving With Hope 

Hope In time of survival 

Be like water; water has form and yet it has no form. It is the softest element on earth, yet it penetrates the hardest rock

There is no weapon more deadly than the will.

A good teacher cannot be fixed in a routine. He must not impose his student to fit a lifeless pattern, a preformulation.

Only the self-sufficient stand alone – most people follow the crowd and imitate.

Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do

Life is wise, limitless. There is no border, no frontier.

Yesterday’s dreams are often tomorrow’s realities.

Empty your mind. You know how water fills a cup? It becomes that cup. You have to think about nothing. You have to become nothing.

Bruce Lee Quotes 

The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask.

"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude."

I will prepare and some day my chance will come.

In order to aspire, to be the person you truly desire, you must have the strength and ability to let go of all that hurt, that pain, all them bad memories, and learn to accept what was, and move towards what is. Love yourself enough to give yourself all that you desire, all that you want and need.... ~Lynae'

Letting Go 

Quotes & thoughts of a single mother who has been dealing with so much in life overcoming abuse, learning how to love yourself. 

My Thoughts

Would you prefer to have someone love or their loyalty?Your answer will solely rest upon the type of person you are depending on what you believe or think . There is no right or wrong answer .Think of it like this love is moneyWhile loyaly is the state of being loyal, fidelity.

LOVE VERSE LOYALTY 

<ul><li>Love is completely unconditional</li><li>Love is complete acceptance</li><li>Love is an experience</li><li>Love I selfless</li><li>Love is kind</li><li>Love is patient</li><li>Love is understanding</li></ul>But how many of us actually experience a love like this in our lifetime? How many us dream of this love everyday knowing we may never ever find it.

What Is The Meaning Of Love ? 

Do you have to be loyal to someone you love?In Loyalty, you don’t have to be loyal to that person just because you love them. You actually can have many reasons to why you stay loyal to a person or to that special someone.<ul><li>It can be because you are being paid, you are sworn to them, or the most common: you love them.</li></ul>In Love, you need to have a sense of loyalty in order to have a successful relationship.

Do You Have To Be Loyal To Someone? 

We take people for granted on a daily basis. This world has changed so much and forgotten about what it means to be loving, kind, and loyal to others.  More people should make it a habit to be the change we want to see in the world.  You want to be loved, you must also give it. You want others to be loyal to you, well hey you must give it. Make it a Habit!

When your loyal to someone it doesn't matter what may transpire amongst the two, you remain loyal to them.Definition: <ul><li>the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations. Faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.</li><li>An example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.</li></ul>

Loyalty 

“Loyalty isn’t grey. It’s black and white. You’re either loyal completely, or not loyal at all.”

Loyalty is everything to me because you can love me today and hate me tomorrow but if you are loyal to me nothing will ever come between that.

Lynae Juana on Oct 21

Most people who think of domestic abuse think of domestic violence. domestic abuse includes any attempt by one person in a marriage or intimate relationship to dominate and control the other.The abuser has to have total control over their companion. They do not play fair, and abuser uses fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb.

What is Domestic Violence Abuse 

Women are not the only ones who experience abuse.If you’re a man in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know that you’re not alone. It happens far more than you may think.Men can and are victims of domestic violence as well. Men normally don't report it because they are more ashamed of the situation. Afraid of being laughed at.

Gender doesn't Matter

<ul><li>Be possessive, act jealous, or harass you with accusations of being unfaithful.</li><li>Verbally abuse you, belittle you, or humiliate you in front of friends, colleagues, or family, or on social med</li><li>Take away your car keys or medications, try to control where you go and who you see.</li><li>Try to control how you spend money or deliberately default on joint financial obligations.</li></ul>

As a Male abuse can be

Any situation in which you are forced to participate in unwanted, unsafe, or degrading sexual activity is <a href="https://www.helpguide.org/articles/ptsd-trauma/recovering-from-rape-and-sexual-trauma.htm">sexual abuse </a>. Forced sex, even by a spouse or intimate partner with whom you also have consensual sex, is an act of aggression and domestic violence. Furthermore, people whose partners abuse them physically and sexually are at a higher risk of being seriously injured or killed.

Sexual Abuse 

Are you or someone you care about in an abusive relationship? Learn about domestic abuse, including the more subtle signs.

Domestic Violence and Abuse - HelpGuide.org

The power to cope with adversity<ul><li>Understanding Resilience</li><li>What promotes Resilience</li></ul>It can be understood at four levels the individual, the families, the school and the caregiving system, and the larger community.Important qualities of resilience were identified in studies of older children who grew up with the stressor of a depressed parent and yet managed to do well.

Building Resilience

At the individual level, these children were able to <ul><li>Engage in age appropriate activities, such as going to school or participating in community or religious activities. </li><li>Relate to others including parents, siblings, other family members, peers, other community members. </li><li>Understanding their family life in particular. The fact their parents were depressed and they were not to blame. That knowing that their parents had an illness, that it had s name, helped them go on with their lives. </li></ul>

Understanding Resilience

Despite the challenges they may be facing many parents remain deeply committed to parenting commonly saying things such as, " I will do what I need to do to take care of my child, even if I cannot do anything else.

At the Parenting Level 

It's I'mportant to recognize resilience in children, in parents, and in oneself as a professional and to understand which system in the community promotes Resilience. It can be recognized and fostered at these four levels.<ul><li>For the individual</li><li>For families</li><li>At the caregiving level </li><li>At the community level </li></ul>

What Promotes Resilience? 

“Sometimes carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement.”

“The human capacity for burden is like bamboo – far more flexible than you’d ever believe at first glance.”

<ul><li>Supporting a child capacity to learn, to relate to others, to use imagination and to see themselves as part of a community. </li><li>Developing a child's awareness and regulation of his own feelings, as well as skills and strategies for letting others know how they feel.</li><li>Encouraging childrens relationship with peers, caregivers, and parents. </li></ul>

For the Individual Child 

<ol><li>Understanding the many cultural variations and different ways families can show strength and resilience is one of the great challenges and one the great opportunities.</li><li>Encouraging parents in their efforts to be more effective by having regular routinesfor their children.</li><li>Engaging in more positive parent- child interactions.</li></ol>

For the Families

﻿"What helps you persevere is your resilience and commitment"

<ul><li>Understanding what exist and what is missing.</li><li>Sharing knowledge and experience with families to find the right resources is an essential step to better parent outreach.</li><li>Understanding the adversity and resilience in the families they work with can help the teachers to be a resource to families.</li></ul>

At the Community Level

Teaching children how to make friends and reaching out to your own friends can help your child see what it means to be friendly and learn to get along with others.

Encouraging Social Skills

Making time for healthy eating habits, excerise, and rest supports parents efforts to feel strong and teaches a child good habits to last through out his lifetime.

Teaching Self Care

Building a consistent, loving bond by showing affection and responding to a child's needs can help her feel secure abd support the parents effectiveness.

Building a Strong- Child Bond

" Life doesn't get easier or more forgiving we get stronger and more resilient"

What business can learn from a pioneering army program for fostering post-traumatic growth

Housing—whether temporary or permanent—is a primary concern for survivors of domestic violence. The lack of domestic violence and homeless shelter capacity in increasing numbers of communities across the country can leave families with nowhere to escape their abuser.

Domestic Violence, Homelessness, and Children's Education

Domestic violence is a highly emotional issue that affects not only adults, but children as well. Domestic violence not only results in emotional turmoil, but also in social, economic, and housing instability for parents and their children.

Mother's Experienceing Domestic Violence & Homelessness

Among mothers with children experiencing homelessness, more than 80% had previously experienced domestic violence.

Domestic Violence & Homelessness Facts 

The time when domestic violence is the most lethal is when the person is trying to leave the situation.

"No woman has to be a victim of physical abuse. Women have to feel like they are not alone"﻿

"From what I've been told, the scariest part of being part of a domestic abuse relationship is the idea that you cannot escape and you cannot get help, that feeling of being stuck."