Kids and family. Parenting tips.
Nov 11, 2020
83 Stashed Ideas
Passive communicators go along with the other person’s ideas, narratives and suggestions. They avoid conflicts and confrontations. They appear anxious, afraid of disapproval and are often having poor eye contact or posture.
In a relationship, these people bottle up their emotions and do what their partner plans or does. It is a ‘doom scenario’ if both partners are passive.
We all go through challenging periods in our lives and may find it helpful to talk with friends or family about our struggles.
But for a help-rejecting complainer, complaining is a way of life. They don't want help, only sympathy and validation for their perception of being mistreated and their inability to improve their situation. Because help-rejecting complainers don't want solutions, they tend to drain the energy from the people around them.
Hard anniversaries, like the birthday of someone we've lost, are helped by routines and rituals. They create a grounding structure with a reassuring and stabilising effect.
Certain lines should not be crossed, and it’s important to repair them.
For that, keep in mind you have to validate the other person’s feelings and acknowledge the fact they experience things differently than you do.
We look for people to love that recreate the feelings of love we knew from childhood. But the love we absorbed in childhood was intermingled with painful aspects: a feeling of not measuring up; a love for a fragile parent.
This predisposes us to pick partners with whom we feel familiar with and who are not necessarily kind to us. Instead of aiming for changing our partners or finding someone else, it may be wiser to adjust how we respond and behave around occasionally difficult people.
To gaslight means to undermine a person’s reality by denying the environment, facts, emotions and feelings. A person who is gaslighted is often manipulated into turning against their own perceptions and fundamentals.
Gaslighting has now gained mainstream visibility as a form of manipulation and can be detrimental for one’s emotional, psychological and physical well-being.
When done rightly, apologies can heal relationships, dissolve anger and hatred, and mend broken bonds. The problem is that we don’t apologize very well, and end up stirring further anger.
Our nonapologies are ruining our relations and making our lives even more miserable and complex.
We expect our partner to be perfect in every way. As we spend our life with our partner, we seem to mistakenly believe that the other person will have everything in common with us and will think the same thought that is occurring in our head, at the same time.
If we have unrealistic and comical expectations from our partners, getting irritated at every minor flaw, and having a lofty, movie-like idea of what a relationship is, we won't be happy no matter who we are with.
Although jealousy is unpleasant, it gives us information. Jealousy involves fear with worrisome thoughts of a potential loss.
Jealousy can make us feel insecure, rejected, worried, or angry. Jealousy makes us aware of an obstacle to the connection between ourselves and a loved one.