Don't be afraid to request bill extensions or payment plans. These requests are often granted. If your biggest worry is eviction from your apartment, talk to your landlord, but, also, see if you can get extensions on any other expenses to free up money for keeping a roof over your head.

Avoid Immediate Disasters

If you are only making the minimum payments on your credit card(s), you are flirting with a disastrous credit score. However, avoiding credit card payments will only worsen your debt.

Review Credit Card Payments and Due Dates

Go over all your bills to see what must be paid first and then set up a payment schedule based on your pay days. You will want to leave yourself some catch-up time if some of your bills are already late. If this is the case, call the bill companies to see how much you can pay now to get back on track toward positive status. Tell them you are catching up and going on a stricter budget. Be honest about what you can afford to pay.

Prioritizing Bills

Stashing 10% of your income into your <a href="https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/savingsaccount.asp">savings account</a> is daunting when you're living paycheck to paycheck. Balance your budget before starting incremental savings. It doesn't make sense to have $100 in a savings plan if you are fending off debt collectors. Your piggy bank will have to starve until you can find stability in your finances.

Ignore the 10% Savings Rule, For Now

<a href="https://www.investopedia.com/terms/o/onlinebanking.asp">Online banking</a> and budgeting software and apps help you categorize spending so you can make adjustments. For instance, with online banking, you can categorize your money for expenses, such as rent, food and utilities.

Review Your Past Month's Spending

If you have good credit, call your credit card companies and ask for an interest rate reduction. If you don't ask, you won't know, as it's unlikely that credit card companies are going to initiate a reduction on their own.

Negotiate Credit Card Interest Rates

Do you need to cut back on coffees? Or going to the movies? Or do you often have spoiled groceries? All cutbacks should start with items you wouldn't miss, such as switching car insurance companies to get a cheaper rate, or reducing your fresh food purchases if you find food spoiling before you can eat it. Eating out is even more costly, so examine how much and how often you really need to do this.

Eliminate Unnecessary Expenses

Once you've gone through the first eight steps, monitor your progress by journaling for one month. You can do this by noting everything you spend in a notebook, <a href="https://www.investopedia.com/best-budgeting-apps-5085405">budgeting apps</a> on your phone or with <a href="https://www.investopedia.com/best-debt-reduction-software-4844305">financial software</a>. How you track your money isn't as important as how much you are tracking. Focus on ensuring that every cent is tracked by dividing your expenses into categories, such as rent, food, clothing and utilities.

Journal New Budget for One Month

Look at how much you are over budget and decide where you can cut. Don't rule out items that are viewed as basics, such as groceries, utilities or rent. Cooking from scratch can eliminate the cost of pre-packaged foods, and opting for generic brands over brand names will equal big savings on a cart of groceries. Utilities can be reduced by turning off lights when you leave the room or using a lamp instead of elaborate track lighting.

Adjust Spending as Needed

If your current budget doesn't balance or you're barely scraping by, you may need to look at working overtime, getting a second job, or possibly getting a new, higher-paying job. Often there is work that pays more, but the nature of the work is unattractive. You may need to decide if it's better to be unhappy at work or unhappy with debt.

Seek Out New Sources of Income

When you're short on cash, a strict budget is the best tool for finding financial stability.

moneyandinvestments

Money & Investments

Budgeting When You're Broke

No one often talks about the perspiration that comes from the fear of presenting an idea or talking about something we care about. One thing that always happens when a creative is sharing their idea is that they will be criticised. The criticism may not relate to their work but be personal, causing the creative to withdraw from that space.

There is nothing more vulnerable than creating

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, ... who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

Vulnerability is not about winning or losing. It's about showing up and being seen.
But if you're going to show up, create things and be seen, you are guaranteed that you will be criticised. That is the only certainty you have.
However, only take feedback from those who are also in the arena and willing to put themselves on the line.

Being vulnerable and the critics

Just before we show up to present our creative work, we are often scared, we have self-doubt, anxiety, and uncertainty. What most people do when they walk into the arena and know these emotions will meet them is they armour up. They put on all the armour to protect themselves. The problem with armouring up against vulnerability is that you shut yourself off from everything you do and love.

The arena

Being vulnerable is a part of fear and self-doubt and grief and uncertainty and shame. But it is also the birthplace of love, joy, empathy creativity and innovation.
Without vulnerability, you cannot create. As a creative, you're asked to really put yourself out there so that people can see what you're doing and what you're made of. You'll be loved by some and criticised by others. The best way to move forward is not to ensure the critics are not in the arena. It is to know that they will be there and to know exactly what they're going to say to you.

The two sides of being vulnerable

When you share your work, you will always find four critics:<ol><li>Shame: That gremlin that whispers you're not enough or if you're feeling confident,  the gremlin that tells you, "Who do you think you are?"</li><li>Scarcity: What am I doing that's original? What is special in what I contribute?</li><li>Comparison.</li><li>Your teacher, parent, critical co-worker. "I don't worry about what the critics think": When we stop caring what people think, we lose our capacity for connection. But when we are defined by what people think, we lose our capacity to be vulnerable.</li></ol>

The four types of critics

If you're going to spend your life in the arena, showing up, there are a few things you need:<ul><li>Clarity on your values: If courage is a value, you will keep on showing up. Whether you are successful or not is irrelevant.</li><li>Have at least one person in your life whos willing to pick you up and dust you off when you fail.</li></ul> The people who have the most courage are willing to show up and be vulnerable. They know who their critics are, reserve seats for them and hear them but do not buy their message.

How to show up as a creative

When you put an idea or piece of art or design forward, you are normally your biggest critic. We have an ideal; of what we're supposed to be, and many of us end up orphaning the parts of ourselves that don't fit that ideal. When we orphan the parts of us that don't fit the ideal, we are only left with the usual parts that look like everyone else: where we were born, who our family is. However, when we don't orphan the parts, we can be the person who believes in what we're doing. We can be vulnerable to say yes, this feels scary and put ourselves out there anyway.

You are your biggest critic

How to be vulnerable: Learn to bring more healthy vulnerability to your life.

books

Books

health

Health

communication

Communication

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

Daring To Be Vulnerable

Being vulnerable: There is nothing more frightening than the moment we expose our ideas to the world.

About this presentation There is nothing more frightening than the moment we expose our ideas to the world. Author and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown shows us how to deal with the critics and our own self-doubt by refusing to "armor up" and shut ourselves off. "Not caring what people think," she says, "is its own kind of hustle." Instead we must "reserve a seat" for the critics and our own self-doubt. "Tell them, I see you, I hear you, but I'm going to do this anyway." Watch more videos at http://www.99u.com/videos 2:14 "Design is a function of connection. Nothing is more then vulnerable then creativity. What is art if it is not love?" 3:11 Perspiration from fear 6:48 Theodore Roosevelt quote/passage that changed my life: "It's not the critic who counts..." 7:39 Everything i know about vulnerability: it is not about winning or losing, it's about showing up and being seen 7:53 "This is who I want to be I want to create. I want to make thing that didn't exist before touched them." 8:14 One guarantee: you will get you ass kicked 8:39 "If you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm no interested in your opinion" 9:41 This is where we sweat 10:17 Fear, self doubt, comparison, anxiety 11:06 When you armor up, you shut yourself off from everything that you do an love 11:40 Without vulnerability you cannot create 12:41 Know your critics are there, know what they're going to say 12:57 Shame, scarcity and comparison 15:20 "When we stop caring what people thing we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people thing we lose our capacity to be vulnerable." 16:38 If you're going to spend your life in the ring/showing up, you're going to need: 1) Clarity of values 17:18 2) Have person in your life thats going to pick you up 18:14 "People who have the most courage and vulnerability are the ones who are very clear about who the critics are and reserve seats for them." 19:32 One of these seats needs to be reserved for you About Brené Brown Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past twelve years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Her groundbreaking research has been featured on PBS, NPR, CNN, The Washington Post, and The New York Times. Brené is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the way we Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (Gotham, 2012). In Daring Greatly Brené dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and argues that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage. Fast Company Magazine recently named Daring Greatly one of the best business books of 2012. Brené's 2010 TEDx Houston talk, The Power of Vulnerability, is one of the top ten most viewed TED talks on TED.com, with over 6 million viewers. Brené is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), I Thought It Was Just Me (2007), and Connections (2009). She lives in Houston with her husband, Steve, and their two children, Ellen and Charlie. About 99U The 99U delivers the action-oriented education that you didn't get in school, highlighting real-world best practices for making ideas happen.

creativity

Creativity

videos

Videos

About this presentation

There is nothing more frightening than the moment we expose our ideas to the world. Author and vulnerability researcher Brené Brown shows us how to deal with the critics and our own self-doubt by refusing to "armor up" and shut ourselves off. "Not caring what people think," she says, "is its own kind of hustle."

Instead we must "reserve a seat" for the critics and our own self-doubt. "Tell them, I see you, I hear you, but I'm going to do this anyway." 

Watch more videos at http://www.99u.com/videos


2:14 "Design is a function of connection. Nothing is more then vulnerable then creativity. What is art if it is not love?"
3:11 Perspiration from fear
6:48 Theodore Roosevelt quote/passage that changed my life: "It's not the critic who counts..."
7:39 Everything i know about vulnerability: it is not about winning or losing, it's about showing up and being seen
7:53 "This is who I want to be I want to create. I want to make thing that didn't exist before touched them."
8:14 One guarantee: you will get you ass kicked 
8:39 "If you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm no interested in your opinion"
9:41 This is where we sweat
10:17 Fear, self doubt, comparison, anxiety
11:06 When you armor up, you shut yourself off from everything that you do an love 
11:40 Without vulnerability you cannot create
12:41 Know your critics are there, know what they're going to say
12:57 Shame, scarcity and comparison
15:20 "When we stop caring what people thing we lose our capacity for connection. When we become defined by what people thing we lose our capacity to be vulnerable."
16:38 If you're going to spend your life in the ring/showing up, you're going to need: 1) Clarity of values
17:18 2) Have person in your life thats going to pick you up
18:14 "People who have the most courage and vulnerability are the ones who are very clear about who the critics are and reserve seats for them."
19:32 One of these seats needs to be reserved for you



About Brené Brown

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. She has spent the past twelve years studying vulnerability, courage, worthiness, and shame. Her groundbreaking research has been featured on PBS, NPR, CNN, The Washington Post, and The New York Times.

Brené is the author of the #1 New York Times Bestseller, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the way we Live, Love, Parent, and Lead (Gotham, 2012). In Daring Greatly Brené dispels the cultural myth that vulnerability is weakness and argues that it is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage. Fast Company Magazine recently named Daring Greatly one of the best business books of 2012. Brené's 2010 TEDx Houston talk, The Power of Vulnerability, is one of the top ten most viewed TED talks on TED.com, with over 6 million viewers.

Brené is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection (2010), I Thought It Was Just Me (2007), and Connections (2009). She lives in Houston with her husband, Steve, and their two children, Ellen and Charlie.


About 99U

The 99U delivers the action-oriented education that you didn't get in school, highlighting real-world best practices for making ideas happen.

Adobe 99U tells the stories of how creative leaders master their crafts and shape their industries. We do this in a variety of ways – daily on 99U.com, quarterly in 99U Magazine, and annually at the 99U Conference in New York City.

Whether you’re a designer, marketer, engineer, educator, artist, or CEO — if you approach your work creatively, 99U’s goal is to help you find the inspiration to build an incredible career.

Brené Brown: Why Your Critics Aren't The Ones Who Count

Brené Brown on criticism and the courage to be vulnerable

In adolescence we spend the most time with our parents, siblings, and friends; as we enter adulthood we spend more time with co-workers, partners, and children; and in our later years, we spend an increasing amount of time alone.To understand how social connections evolve throughout our lives we look at survey data on how much time people spend with others, and who that time is spent with.

Who We Spend Time with Evolves Across Our Lifetimes

We often tend to look at the amount of time spent with others as a marker of social well-being, but the quality of time we spend with others matters even more for our feelings of connection and lonelinessData shows that as we become older we tend to spend more and more time alone.However, loneliness is not the same as feeling lonely.Surveys that ask people about living arrangements, time use, and feelings of loneliness find that solitude alone is not a good predictor of loneliness.

Older And Lonelier

Older people spend a large amount of time alone and it is understandable why – time spent alone increases with age because this is when health typically deteriorates and people lose relatives and friends.We often tend to look at the amount of time spent with others as a marker of social well-being; but the quality of time spent with others, and our expectations, matter even more for our feelings of connection and loneliness.

Taking Stock Of Life

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Who do we spend time with across our lifetime?

Dating to find “The One” is extremely limiting—and often leads to major disappointment. There is never going to be one perfect person whose love is so powerful that it checks every box, heals all our wounds, and makes us want to delete all the apps. Instead of looking for perfection, look for potential. Great potential is fundamental to meaningful growth, and couples are supposed to grow and change. Destiny relationships—those of fate and perfection and “the one”—often break when the mythology of perfect love with “the one" reveals itself in the cracks of our relationships.

"There’s Only One Person Out There For Me"

People we love are not necessarily the same people we can make a life with. Life stories are not the same as love stories. It’s a different set of ingredients, different aspirations. Viewing marriage as the ultimate goal of a romantic connection reduces a complex set of needs and stuffs it into a social construct that doesn’t serve every type of relationship we can have

"At A Certain Point, Dating Should Lead To Marriage"

Love, desire, connection—all of the things that make us want to stay and go deeper with someone—are not induced by another person. They are co-created.Instead of asking whether we’ve found the right person, learn what it would be like to be in a relationship in which both partners are mutually interested in being good for each other. It’s not just the other person’s responsibility to woo us, maintain our attention, heal us, and help us grow.

"I Haven’t Found The Right Person Yet"

We have a tendency to respond to disconnection by gripping tighter, even when we see that our behavior isn’t yielding our desired outcome. But there is a difference between trying harder and self-degradation. And no amount of self-degradation will provoke the true feeling of love in another person. Modern love and desire are about free will. We can’t make people love us. We can invite the love of another. We can behave in ways that invite people to appreciate us, to realize the beauty of what we share, and to let the feeling of love grow inside from a glimmer to a flame. If the person we like isn’t interested, we have to let them lose us.

"They Will Eventually Come Around"

This is the voice of heartbreak. It conveniently highlights the good parts and disregards the shortcomings. Being realistic with ourselves about the shortcomings, however, can help us heal and determine what we want in future relationships.The person who broke our heart wasn’t “the one”—not only because the concept of “the one” is flawed—but because there are many people we can love and who will love us. It takes time to heal, but love is not a finite resource.

"I’ll Never Love Again"

There are very few set rules for dating, especially in the ever-evolving world of modern love. But no matter how much progress we make, we still carry outdated mythologies with us, often from relationship to relationship. Correcting those myths—such as "dating should lead to marriage" and "it's about finding the one"—starts here. Read more about 5 common myths we tell ourselves when we're dating and how to reframe them.

leadershipandmanagement

Leadership & Management

Esther Perel's Blog - 5 Myths We Tell Ourselves When We’re Dating

"I moved here for you..." 
This is an age-old argument that makes relationships fall into black holes. Although there may be truth to it, keeping scores with your partner with who has done what for who will only end badly.

Don't keep score

It's important to keep an open mind about the whole move because the future and your feelings towards each other aren't guaranteed in stone.
Change is difficult for some people but allow yourself to settle in and let positive energy flow so that you'll be more open to adapt.

Moving abroad for love: Keep an open mind

You moved into that country in order to be with the person you love.
Having the occasional resentment or annoyance about uprooting your life doesn't make you a bad person, however, harboring it and keeping it all in without trying to communicate it to your partner kindly, will only lead to disaster.

Remember that you did this for you both, not just for them

Every big decision you make needs to be mutual and where you both don't have any hidden feelings about it.
Disagreement on trivial things is normal but decisions about housing, cars, visa applications are things where you both need to be completely honest and willing to compromise over.

Be honest and make mutual decisions

Having to learn a new language, leave your job, your friends, and family behind is totally valid to feel frustrated over. However, you can't use this same excuse over and over again whenever a problem pops up between you and your partner.
It's completely unfair to your relationship, so it's best to communicate this with compassion.

Never harbor resentment

As strange, you also have to consider how this whole moving thing will be for your partner.
You'll be too busy trying to settle and adjust for yourself that you might forget how this is affecting them.

Think about their feelings too

So, you're moving to another country! It's most likely for one of two reasons; you need a change in your life and love to travel, or you fell in love....

6 Rules on Moving Abroad for Love

<ul>
<li>Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation wherein a person effectively gets to distort another person's own memories in ways that benefit them.</li>
<li>People who have experienced this type of mental manipulation often have lowered self-esteem and have a heavy emotional reliance on their abuser. Being gaslit can make us feel angry and confused, often frustrated. </li>
<li>Some common gaslighting phrases are: "You're too dramatic," "You have a terrible memory," "Can you hear how irrational you sound?"</li>
</ul>

Gaslighting

There will be many people who will not have the best intentions towards you, but it is crucial that you believe in yourself. Easier said than done, but it's never impossible. 
If you struggle with gaslighting, start writing things down as a record of how you're feeling while things are happening. Be kind to yourself and remember that you always have the option to remain centered during conversations and be firm or walk away.

Supporting Yourself

Gaslighters are bold people. They blatantly lie and shift the narrative towards you and they constantly will try to minimize your feelings and experiences.
We need to put our sanity over anybody who tries to cause us harm, may it be mentally or emotionally. Here are some phrases to keep in mind:
<ul>
<li>"My feelings and reality are valid. I do not appreciate the way you're treating them as if they don't matter."</li>
<li>"I know what I saw and what I felt."</li>
<li>"I will not continue this conversation."</li>
</ul>

When Facing Gaslighters

What to Say When Someone Is Gaslighting You

Being yourself, unfiltered, without worrying if your partner will judge you, is truly a blissful feeling.
When you are in a relationship with a partner that accepts you for who you are, for your entire character and traits.

When you are your most authentic self

Romantic relationships that value and emphasize the importance of friendship are more committed.
This kind of relationship meets the needs of each partner when it comes to caregiving, security, companionship, and offer emotional support, intimacy, and maintain a strong bond.

Valuing friendship

A relationship has to provide the space for emotional intimacy and vulnerability. 
Strong relationships need no longer put up emotional walls because you no longer worry about your partner leaving, hence a sense of stability.

Being comfortable showing your vulnerability

It is satisfying to be in a relationship where you and your partner have a lot in common. 
For example, if you're both homebodies and just enjoy having the presence of each other, it is a calming feeling.

Having a lot in common with your partner

The language your partner often uses includes "we," "us," and "ours" which shows a strong sense of cognitive closeness or a shared identity between the two of you.
Couples who are interconnected like this are more satisfied and committed in the relationship.

Playing as a team

Having a partner who is fully supportive of your choices to better yourself, is exhilarating. Your partner does not tell you to change but rather supports the decisions you make.
Regardless of the situation, you tackle and seek out new experiences together.

Being encouraged to be the best version of yourself

The powerplay in your relationship isn't held by ego, rather by compassion and understanding towards what each person wants and needs.
It is important to have a say in the relationship because you're more likely to last if you can share or voice out your opinions without letting the ego get the best of you.

Sharing the power

... and who are emotionally stable. When we look for someone we want to marry and be with forever, we usually don't think about their traits however it's surprisingly simple, we all want a spouse or a wife who is: reliable, warm, kind, fair, trustworthy, and intelligent.

We are drawn towards those who have agreeable personalities

It seems scary to put all of our trust in someone, but the partner we choose should be someone we can rely on. 
Our partners should always have our best interests in mind and will be there whenever we need them. This fosters a healthier commitment towards each other and encourages a greater sense of trust.

Trusting each other

We may be in love with somebody, but we shouldn't ignore the red flags they have. Everyone has problems, but there are some people with problems and it's inevitable we will meet someone who disrespects us, have no sense of loyalty, and cause physical and emotional abuse.
Do not let the "potential" you think you see blind you from the type of person that they truly are.

Do not forget to remove your rose-colored glasses

Many of the keys to a satisfying, lasting bond are probably already present in your relationship.

10 Pillars of a Strong Relationship

Friends provide a comforting sense of stability and bonding. A defining feature of friendship is that it's voluntary - it's a relationship of great freedom that we hold on to only because we want to.
The downside of this freedom is that the lack of formal commitment and the pressure of other commitments can cause a friendship to fall by the wayside.

Friendships are a treasure

The busyness of many people's adult lives can cause them to quickly lose contact with friends.
One study found that people had lost touch with about half of their closest friends over a period of seven years. What's more is that we are often losing friends faster than we can replace them. If we are not careful, we risk living out our adulthood without friends.

Busyness and the risk of becoming friendless

Making more friends in adulthood will take some deliberate effort. One challenge may be to put yourself out there, as it can trigger fear of rejection.
You may engage in two types of avoidance to prevent you from making new friends.
<ol>
<li>You may practise 'overt avoidance' by not putting yourself in a situation where it's possible to meet new people.</li>
<li>You may engage in 'covert avoidance', which means you show up but don't engage with people once you are there.</li>
</ol>

Deliberately making friends

One study found that volunteers who thought they were liked shared more about themselves, disagreed less, and had a more positive attitude. Other research found that, on average, strangers like us more than we realise.
These studies remind us to go into new social events assuming people will like us.

Assume that people like you

Friendships don't just happen. We have to set aside time to regularly reach out to people, reconnect with old friendships, awaken new ones, check-in, and find time to hang out.
Don't just show up. Say 'hello when you get there. Let go of the myth that friendship happens organically. Regularly introduce yourself to other people and ask them for their phone numbers, rather than waiting passively. Then follow up and ask them to hang out.

Making friends: Initiate

Once you've initiated some new contact, the next challenge is turning them into regular friendships.
It is easier to sign up for activities where you have multiple opportunities to connect with the same people continually. If you want to make friends, you should commit to showing up regularly. Even if you feel uncomfortable at first, don't sell yourself short. If you persist, you'll feel more comfortable and get to know people better.

Friendships: Keep showing up

To deepen a friendship, it pays to get vulnerable. To make true friends, you have to share things about yourself. Ask people questions too so that they share about themselves.
Tell people what your passions are, how you spend your free time, what you're looking forward to, and ask them for the same. Studies found that the more people share about themselves, the more they end up liking each other.

Get vulnerable

<ul>
<li>Find an event. Sign up for something ongoing (such as a book club or a hiking group) and commit to showing up.</li>
<li>Prepare yourself to interact. Do something to put you in a good mood. Think about the strengths you bring - if you're funny, deep, insightful, or quick-witted.</li>
<li>Open up a conversation with a stranger using the 'insight-and-question method. Share a commentary on something around you, then ask your companion's opinion of it.</li>
<li>Exchange contact information. If you meet someone you like, ask for their contact details.</li>
<li>Follow up to see if they'd be open to meeting up sometime.</li>
</ul>

Turn initial meetings into friendship

Strategies to meet new people and reconnect with old friends

How To Make Friends As An Adult

Friendships give us so much. Be bold, take the initiative, and you’ll be surprised how many people are pleased to connect

career

Career

How to make friends as an adult

<ol>
<li>As we all have different ways of coping with anxiety, it is good to be clear about what your friend may want. Not everyone wants straightforward advice, some will feel better with just a chat where the pandemic or the politics behind it isn’t discussed.</li>
<li>If our friend finds a good, empathetic listener in you, their anxiety levels will drop, and could also make you feel better as a bonus.</li>
<li>It’s good to listen to yourself and what your mind and body needs. One does not have to dismiss their own anxiety in the process.</li>
</ol>

Supporting An Anxious Friend

<ul>
<li>A stroll along the coast, a forest or a park is a great way to distress yourself for an hour, can be a great help in lowering the anxiety levels of you and your friend.</li>
<li>Try to listen more and also find comfortable silence in between, being in the moment and enjoying the surroundings, experiencing a synchronous sense of peace and calm.</li>
</ul>

A Walk In The Park

While there is a natural tendency to ‘fix’ whatever problem the friend shares with us, it is better to simply listen, and do not offer a solution right away, unless specifically asked for.
Also, do not try to have an anxiety competition, where you start to compete with your friend on who is having more problems.

Don’t Fix The Problem

If you're not in the right frame of mind to assist a loved one with their mental health, that's OK. Here's what therapists recommend.

mentalhealth

Mental Health

How To Help A Friend With Anxiety When You're Struggling Yourself

Attachment theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between people, starting with your parents. The quality of how well you were cared for will then influence the nature of your relationships later in life.There are four attachment strategies: secure, anxious, avoidant, and anxious-avoidant.

Attachment Theory

<ul><li>People with this style are comfortable showing interest and affection. </li><li>They are comfortable being alone and independent.</li><li>They can correctly prioritize their relationships.</li><li>They are able to draw clear boundaries and stick with them.</li></ul>50% of the population is secure attachment types.

Secure Attachment Style

<ul><li>They are often nervous and stressed about their relationships.</li><li>They need constant reassurance and affection from their partners.</li><li>They have trouble being alone or single.</li><li>They are often in unhealthy or abusive relationships.</li><li>They have trouble trusting people.</li><li>Their behavior can be irrational and overly emotional.</li></ul>

Anxious Attachment Style

<ul><li>They are highly independent.</li><li>They are self-directed.</li><li>They are uncomfortable with intimacy.</li><li>They complain of not enough personal space when people try to get close to them.</li><li>They have an exit strategy in every relationship.</li></ul>

Avoidant Attachment Style

<ul><li>They are also known as the "fearful type."</li><li>They are afraid of intimacy and commitment, and they are distrustful.</li><li>They spend much of their time alone and miserable, or in dysfunctional relationships.</li><li>They often suffer from emotional problems in other areas of their life.</li></ul>

Anxious-Avoidant Attachment Style

Our attachment styles are influenced by how we related to our parents as infants and set the pattern for how we perceive relationships as we mature. As we get older, we continue to build on this pattern when we form relationships with our peers and other people.

How Attachment Styles Are Formed

Different attachment types tend to configure themselves into relationships in predictable ways.<ul><li>Secure types can handle both anxious and avoidant types in a relationship.</li><li>Anxious and avoidants regularly end up in relationships with one another and less frequent with their own types.</li><li>Anxious-avoidants only date each other or the least secure of the anxious types or avoidant types. These relationships are often very messy.</li></ul>

Relationship Configurations

Your attachment style can change over time to a more secure style or an insecure style if they're not careful.An extreme negative event, such as divorce, death of a dear one, a serious accident, etc. can cause a secure attachment type to move into a more insecure attachment type.

Changing Your Attachment Style

Anxious types can work on developing themselves, creating healthy boundaries and fostering a healthy self-image.Avoidant types can work on opening themselves up to others and share more about themselves.

Navigating to a secure attachment type

Attachment Theory is an area of psychology that describes the nature of emotional attachment between humans. It begins as children with our attachment to our parents. The nature of this attachment, and how well it's fostered and cared for, will then influence the nature of our attachment to romantic partners later in our life.

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