Parentification can involve a range of behaviours, from the overt—making children engage in physical tasks that typically fall to adults in the family, including tasks such as cooking and cleaning[1], caring for siblings or caring for the parent themselves, to the subtler—confiding in a child in a manner that is not age-appropriate, seeking emotional support from a child, expecting tasks of a child beyond their developmental capacity, seeking advice from children, using them as mediators or buffers, and involving them in family conflicts.

What Is It

The impact of parentification on children can be vast. Parentified children may experience a range of difficulties in adulthood, including; enmeshed roles within the family, difficulties with establishing <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/boundaries">boundaries</a> , a pervasive need to please other people, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/anxiety">anxiety</a> , <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/perfectionism">perfectionism</a> , difficulties forming and maintaining intimate or platonic relationships, missed developmental milestones, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief">grief</a> , and passive styles of communication.

Impact

Difficulties arise from a range of psychological needs that were subverted in childhood, including needs for a relationship with a stable caregiver , independence, autonomy, agency, and spontaneity. Parentified children learn to discount their own needs in pursuit of caring for their parent and often carry distorted scripts about the importance of being ‘unselfish’ or placing one’s own needs aside.

Challenges In Adulthood

Parentified children learn to discount their own needs in pursuit of caring for their parent and often carry distorted scripts about the importance of being ‘unselfish’ or placing one’s own needs aside.

Were you expected to care for a parent, either physically or psychologically? Read this to understand how this might have impacted on you.

parenting

Parenting

mentalhealth

Mental Health

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

humanresources

Human Resources

The Parentified Child in Adulthood

The impact of parentification on children can be vast. Parentified children may experience a range of difficulties in adulthood, including; enmeshed roles within the family, difficulties with establishing boundaries, a pervasive need to please other people, anxiety, perfectionism, difficulties forming and maintaining intimate or platonic relationships, missed developmental milestones, grief, and passive styles of communication.

parentification

Seeking to understand behavior in relationships?

We see this reflected back to us in every part of life. Species reproduce, DNA evolves to eliminate certain strands and develop new ones, and the edges of the universe are expanding forever outward. Likewise, our ability to feel the depth and beauty of life is capable of expanding forever inward if we are willing to take our problems and see them as catalysts. Forests need fire to do this, volcanoes need implosions, stars need collapse, and human beings often need to be faced with no other option but to change before they really do.

The objective of being human is to grow. 

It does not mean you are fundamentally broken in some way.Think about it- Everything in nature is imperfect, and it is because of that imperfection that growth is possible. If everything existed in uniformity, the gravity that created the stars and planets and everything that we know would not exist. Without breaks, faults, and gaps, nothing could grow and nothing would become.

What Does Having A Mountain In Front Of You Mean?

The fact that you are imperfect is not a sign that you have failed; it is a sign that you are human, and more importantly, it is a sign that you still have more potential within you.

Types of mountains - <ul><li>addiction, weight, relationships, jobs, motivation, or money. </li><li>Anxiety, low self-esteem, fear, or a general discontentment that seems to bleed out onto everything else. </li></ul>“ Usually when we have a problem that is circumstantial, we are facing the reality of life. When we have a problem that is chronic, we are facing the reality of ourselves”

What Is Your Mountain?

Instead is that it is because of the years we have spent accumulating tiny traumas, adaptations, and coping mechanisms, all of which have compounded over time.

Facing Mountains Does Not Mean Facing Life Hardships 

Your mountain is the block between you and the life you want to live. Facing it is also the only path to your freedom and becoming. You are here because a trigger showed you to your wound, and your wound will show you to your path, and your path will show you to your destiny.

You must release your old self into the fire of your vision and be willing to think in a way you have never even tried before. You must mourn the loss of your younger self, the person who has gotten you this far but who is no longer equipped to carry you onward. You must envision and become one with your future self, the hero of your life that is going to lead you from here.

The Path To Transformation 

Human beings are guided by comfort. They stay close to what feels familiar and reject what doesn’t, even if it’s objectively better for them.

In order to grow and become our best selves we must be willing to let go of our past selves, our vision, and our thoughts pertaining to who we are and what we want.

THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT SELF-SABOTAGE. Why we do it, when we do it, and how to stop doing it-for good. Coexisting but conflicting needs create self-sabotaging behaviors. This is why we resist efforts to change, often until they feel completely futile. But by extracting crucial insight from our most damaging habits, building emotional intelligence by better understanding our brains and bodies, releasing past experiences at a cellular level, and learning to act as our highest potential future selves, we can step out of our own way and into our potential. For centuries, the mountain has been used as a metaphor for the big challenges we face, especially ones that seem impossible to overcome. To scale our mountains, we actually have to do the deep internal work of excavating trauma, building resilience, and adjusting how we show up for the climb. In the end, it is not the mountain we master, but ourselves.

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

books

Books

THIS IS A BOOK ABOUT SELF-SABOTAGE.Why we do it, when we do it, and how to stop doing it-for good.Coexisting but conflicting needs create self-sabotaging behaviors. This is why we resist efforts to change, often until they feel completely futile. But by extracting crucial insight from our most damaging habits, building emotional intelligence by better understanding our brains and bodies, releasing past experiences at a cellular level, and learning to act as our highest potential future selves, we can step out of our own way and into our potential.For centuries, the mountain has been used as a metaphor for the big challenges we face, especially ones that seem impossible to overcome. To scale our mountains, we actually have to do the deep internal work of excavating trauma, building resilience, and adjusting how we show up for the climb.In the end, it is not the mountain we master, but ourselves.

Brianna Wiest is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Brianna Wiest has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Brianna Wiest's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Brianna Wiest

The Mountain Is You

“Sometimes we speak beyond what someone is able to listen to. What the research shows is that the human brain can really only hold on to four things at a time, so if you go on and on for five or 10 minutes trying to argue a point, the person will only remember a very small part of that”

Talk No Longer Than 30 Seconds at a Time During Conversation

“We developed compassionate communication with the idea of having several goals, and one of them is to speak briefly, meaning that you speak one or two sentences, maybe 30 seconds worth or so, because that’s really what the human brain can take in and absorb.”-Andrew Newbert, co author of “Words Can Change Your Brain.

Compassionate communication

Learning to communicate in relationships are critical to success in life and love

Maybe I’m the only one, but nuanced, intangible things like “feelings” and “communication” and “psychology” never pulled much weight with me growing up, or even in my 20s. Psychology?! That’s…

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

communication

Communication

5 Sales and Writing Secrets That Could Save Your Marriage (And Make Your Relationship Thrive)

Narcissists are lacking whole object relations. This means to them everything and everyone is either black or white. People are either good or bad. In their mind, a person cannot be a good person and make a mistake or do something wrong. Since they see themselves as eternally good, they can’t admit to ever doing anything that would be considered wrongful.

To them, it’s not lying


" According to Psychologist <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/contributors/erin-leonard-phd">Erin Leonard PhD</a>, they really believe their own lies. This is because in their minds they simply twist the reality to match their beliefs. This is an extreme form of <a href="https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-cognitive-dissonance-2795012">cognitive dissonance</a>".

Learning about Narcissists is the first step in protecting yourself

“What prompted you to study Psychology?” my boss asks me. I shrug. “It’s been something I always wanted to do. I am interested in how people and their brains work”. That’s not a lie. But of course, I…

Narcissists Don’t Lie, They Create Alternate Realities

You’re not just trying to start running; you are a runner. You’re not just trying not to smoke; you’re a nonsmoker. This is a mindset, a mental shift, a decision toward resiliency. It’s also one small shift in thinking that can pay big results. This is part of the inner work.

Turn your habit into your identity

You do it for yourself because you want to do it, regardless of what others want you to do.If you have a good reason behind why you’re developing a habit, and if you intend for the habit to be sustainable and ongoing, it helps to recognize that within you is the person you are becoming.

Your habit needs to be completely you.


You may find that it helps you sustain your behavior patterns by thinking of them as rituals instead of habits. It’s a small reframe, but perhaps the idea of doing something ritualistically gives you a more spiritual or sacred purpose behind your motives for sustained change.Rituals takes away the question of whether or not you’re going to do something. <ul><li>It’s one less thing to think about. It also happens to create urgency and importance to your projects. You have something that you could put on your calendar.</li></ul>

Reframe Your Habits As Rituals

In many cases, your habits, however positive and meaningful, have to take up their residence in your lifestyle at some point in time. In other words, habits force you to choose what you aren’t going to be doing instead at that time. Not only do they require choices be made, but they may bring up the question of sacrifice.

We all want a magic pill that will give us the perfect focus we need when we need it, and we also want a magic number. There is no magic number for how long it will take for a habit to develop. That depends on the nature of the habit, the resiliency of the person, and the context of the person’s life: age, responsibilities, experience with other habits, good and ba

There is no magic number for how long it will take for a habit to develop.

Habits can be transformative. 	- Little by little, day by day we can crack the code of the change we want to manifest in our lives. We like to think about habits because habits are actions. - Habits are the outward behaviors we integrate into our lives. Topics like mental health and self-awareness aren’t as tangible. - But most of the time we find our habits are unconscious. They’re on autopilot. We are “creatures of habit” as we say.

Some say a habit can be formed in 21 days of consecutive application. Many others say a good rule of thumb is to expect something more like 90 days before a habit is truly in the automatic category…

habits

Habits

problemsolving

Problem Solving

timemanagement

Time Management

Six Thoughts for Using Habits to Your Advantage

An invitation to let go of knowledge and opinions that are no longer serving you well, to anchor your sense of self in flexibility rather than consistency. If you can master the art of rethinking, I believe you'll be better positioned for success at work and happiness in life. Thinking again can help you generate new solutions to old problems and revisit old solutions to new problems. It's a path to learning more from the people around you and living with fewer regrets.

A hallmark of wisdom is knowing when it's time to abandon some of your most treasured tools — and some of the most cherished parts of your identity.

<ul><li>Approach everything like a scientist -- let the data speak, not your opinions and assumptions. Run experiments to find what really works.</li><li>Flexibility outperforms consistency when the world is in motion. Master the art of rethinking, and you'll adapt to changes much better than trying to hold back the tide of change.</li></ul>

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Humans have a tendency to suffer from "tunnel vision" — we assume the first idea that comes to mind will be correct, thanks to our natural intelligence. However, in a turbulent world, having the ability to unlearn and rethink is in fact far more powerful. Rethinking is the business superpower of the 21st century.

#1 New York Times Bestseller “THIS. This is the right book for right now. Yes, learning requires focus. But, unlearning and relearning requires much more—it requires choosing courage over comfort. In Think Again, Adam Grant weaves together research and storytelling to help us build the intellectual and emotional muscle we need to stay curious enough about the world to actually change it. I’ve never felt so hopeful about what I don’t know.” —Brené Brown, Ph.D., #1 New York Times bestselling author of Dare to Lead The bestselling author of Give and Take and Originals examines the critical art of rethinking: learning to question your opinions and open other people's minds, which can position you for excellence at work and wisdom in life Intelligence is usually seen as the ability to think and learn, but in a rapidly changing world, there's another set of cognitive skills that might matter more: the ability to rethink and unlearn. In our daily lives, too many of us favor the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of doubt. We listen to opinions that make us feel good, instead of ideas that make us think hard. We see disagreement as a threat to our egos, rather than an opportunity to learn. We surround ourselves with people who agree with our conclusions, when we should be gravitating toward those who challenge our thought process. The result is that our beliefs get brittle long before our bones. We think too much like preachers defending our sacred beliefs, prosecutors proving the other side wrong, and politicians campaigning for approval--and too little like scientists searching for truth. Intelligence is no cure, and it can even be a curse: being good at thinking can make us worse at rethinking. The brighter we are, the blinder to our own limitations we can become. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant is an expert on opening other people's minds--and our own. As Wharton's top-rated professor and the bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take, he makes it one of his guiding principles to argue like he's right but listen like he's wrong. With bold ideas and rigorous evidence, he investigates how we can embrace the joy of being wrong, bring nuance to charged conversations, and build schools, workplaces, and communities of lifelong learners. You'll learn how an international debate champion wins arguments, a Black musician persuades white supremacists to abandon hate, a vaccine whisperer convinces concerned parents to immunize their children, and Adam has coaxed Yankees fans to root for the Red Sox. Think Again reveals that we don't have to believe everything we think or internalize everything we feel. It's an invitation to let go of views that are no longer serving us well and prize mental flexibility over foolish consistency. If knowledge is power, knowing what we don't know is wisdom.

#1 New York Times Bestseller “THIS. This is the right book for right now. Yes, learning requires focus. But, unlearning and relearning requires much more—it requires choosing courage over comfort. In Think Again, Adam Grant weaves together research and storytelling to help us build the intellectual and emotional muscle we need to stay curious enough about the world to actually change it. I’ve never felt so hopeful about what I don’t know.” —Brené Brown, Ph.D., #1 New York Times bestselling author of Dare to Lead The bestselling author of Give and Take and Originals examines the critical art of rethinking: learning to question your opinions and open other people's minds, which can position you for excellence at work and wisdom in life Intelligence is usually seen as the ability to think and learn, but in a rapidly changing world, there's another set of cognitive skills that might matter more: the ability to rethink and unlearn. In our daily lives, too many of us favor the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of doubt. We listen to opinions that make us feel good, instead of ideas that make us think hard. We see disagreement as a threat to our egos, rather than an opportunity to learn. We surround ourselves with people who agree with our conclusions, when we should be gravitating toward those who challenge our thought process. The result is that our beliefs get brittle long before our bones. We think too much like preachers defending our sacred beliefs, prosecutors proving the other side wrong, and politicians campaigning for approval--and too little like scientists searching for truth. Intelligence is no cure, and it can even be a curse: being good at thinking can make us worse at rethinking. The brighter we are, the blinder to our own limitations we can become. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant is an expert on opening other people's minds--and our own. As Wharton's top-rated professor and the bestselling author of Originals and Give and Take, he makes it one of his guiding principles to argue like he's right but listen like he's wrong. With bold ideas and rigorous evidence, he investigates how we can embrace the joy of being wrong, bring nuance to charged conversations, and build schools, workplaces, and communities of lifelong learners. You'll learn how an international debate champion wins arguments, a Black musician persuades white supremacists to abandon hate, a vaccine whisperer convinces concerned parents to immunize their children, and Adam has coaxed Yankees fans to root for the Red Sox. Think Again reveals that we don't have to believe everything we think or internalize everything we feel. It's an invitation to let go of views that are no longer serving us well and prize mental flexibility over foolish consistency. If knowledge is power, knowing what we don't know is wisdom.

Adam Grant is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Adam Grant has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Adam Grant's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Adam Grant

Think Again

The cult of overwork thrives when our imagination shrinks. The Double Win comes into view when we envision it

The underlying message from this book is by taking quality time off, you'll achieve more in less hours with your work. Getting enough sleep, having hobbies, interests, and friendships are not design flaws in humans. They are features that contribute to making us more productive. Great work-life balance is achievable and valuable, but it's not a static target, or a once-and-you're done activity. It requires ongoing work, adjustments, and fine-tuning.

Great work-life balance is achievable and valuable

Work is important, but you can also be successful at building a family, having great friends, serving in the community, becoming physically fit, and so on. True success is only achieved when you're successful in all the areas that matter to you, not just your career.

1. Principle #1 — Recognize success is multi-dimensional. 

Constraints always force you to make choices. Everyone has a finite amount of time, money, energy, mental bandwidth, and so on. When you work to those constraints, you'll experience tremendous gains and fresh thinking. Welcome and embrace constraints.

Principle #2 — Constraints are great productivity tools.

Work - life balance is not a myth. It can be achieved, but be aware it's dynamic rather than static. To achieve it, you're going to have to make ongoing adjustments and fine tuning. Weigh the domains of your life and give the right weighting to all the different domains.

Principle #3 — Work-Life balance is genuinely possible

Having hobbies, making art, and spending time on raising your family are incredibly enriching and restorative. Build some time into your schedule for doing the stuff you love, but which won't show up on your balance sheet. Downtime pays great dividends.

Principle #4 — There's great power in nonachievement. 

People are trying to cram more and more activities into every day in pursuit of productivity. Don't fall for it. You need to be getting enough sleep to feel good. Sleep is not a necessary evil — it's something you need to do to charge up your batteries over the long haul.

Principle #5 — Rest is the foundation of true productivity. 

Do you really have to choose between winning at work and succeeding at life? In other words, do you have to work such long hours that you have no time and energy left over for your family and other interests?Most people will say you have to choose one or the other, but a "Double Win" really is feasible. You can have a great career, and simultaneously succeed at life as well. To achieve that, five principles are involved:

"New York Times bestselling author offers a manifesto for work-life balance. His proven, practical plan will equip you with a clear action plan to reclaim your margins and direct fresh energy to family and personal pursuits, all while achieving success at work"--

career

Career

Michael S. Hyatt

Megan Hyatt Miller

Michael Hyatt

Win at Work and Succeed at Life

You try to make your future self happy. But, the problem is, you can only use the knowledge of current you to make decisions for your future self. Your future self might have different tastes, beliefs, and interests. You’re always going to be playing a bit of a guessing game and you’re never going to know for sure whether or not you’ve found your purpose. But that doesn’t matter. You don’t need to find your perfect purpose. Your purpose can evolve with you.

You’re never going to find any level of purpose by sitting there and thinking about it. The jury is out. You find purpose through your actions. It unfolds as you stop taking a passive role in your life.

Finding Purpose

stop worrying about this idea that you’re going to “waste time” by pursuing the wrong path. You’re already doing nothing by staying suck in the same spot

What happens if I pursue the wrong path?

Your purpose can evolve with you if you allow yourself to believe you are always evolving and capable of way more than you ever imagined. 

A smart and funny book by a prominent Harvard psychologist, which uses groundbreaking research and (often hilarious) anecdotes to show us why we’re so lousy at predicting what will make us happy – and what we can do about it. Most of us spend our lives steering ourselves toward the best of all possible futures, only to find that tomorrow rarely turns out as we had expected. Why? As Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert explains, when people try to imagine what the future will hold, they make some basic and consistent mistakes. Just as memory plays tricks on us when we try to look backward in time, so does imagination play tricks when we try to look forward. Using cutting-edge research, much of it original, Gilbert shakes, cajoles, persuades, tricks and jokes us into accepting the fact that happiness is not really what or where we thought it was. Among the unexpected questions he poses: Why are conjoined twins no less happy than the general population? When you go out to eat, is it better to order your favourite dish every time, or to try something new? If Ingrid Bergman hadn’t gotten on the plane at the end of Casablanca, would she and Bogey have been better off? Smart, witty, accessible and laugh-out-loud funny, Stumbling on Happiness brilliantly describes all that science has to tell us about the uniquely human ability to envision the future, and how likely we are to enjoy it when we get there.

A smart and funny book by a prominent Harvard psychologist, which uses groundbreaking research and (often hilarious) anecdotes to show us why we’re so lousy at predicting what will make us happy – and what we can do about it. Most of us spend our lives steering ourselves toward the best of all possible futures, only to find that tomorrow rarely turns out as we had expected. Why? As Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert explains, when people try to imagine what the future will hold, they make some basic and consistent mistakes. Just as memory plays tricks on us when we try to look backward in time, so does imagination play tricks when we try to look forward. Using cutting-edge research, much of it original, Gilbert shakes, cajoles, persuades, tricks and jokes us into accepting the fact that happiness is not really what or where we thought it was. Among the unexpected questions he poses: Why are conjoined twins no less happy than the general population? When you go out to eat, is it better to order your favourite dish every time, or to try something new? If Ingrid Bergman hadn’t gotten on the plane at the end of Casablanca, would she and Bogey have been better off? Smart, witty, accessible and laugh-out-loud funny, Stumbling on Happiness brilliantly describes all that science has to tell us about the uniquely human ability to envision the future, and how likely we are to enjoy it when we get there.

Daniel Gilbert is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Daniel Gilbert has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Daniel Gilbert's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

Daniel Gilbert

Stumbling on Happiness

The Psychology of Daily Routine discuses The value of taking control of your life through established routines.<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">“You must learn to let your conscious decisions dictate your day-not your fear or impulses”</li><li class="ql-align-justify">”An untamed mind is a minefield. With no regulation, focus, base or self control, anything can persuade you into thinking you want something that you don’t actually”</li></ul>

The Psychology Of Daily Routine 

“Learning to craft routine is the equivalent of learning to let your conscience guide choices about what your day will be about guide you, letting all the other, temporary crap fall to the wayside”

The Value of Routine

” it doesn’t matter what the routine consists of, but how steady and safe your subconscious mind is made through repetitive motions and expected outcomes”

“As children, routine gives us a feeling of safety, as adults it gives us a feeling of purpose”

Brianna west explains that a lack of routine is a breeding ground for perpetual procrastination.

What Happens When We Don’t Settle Into Routine?

<ol><li class="ql-align-justify">Your criteria for a romantic “type” are personality traits, not physical characteristics. Your idea of “love” has expanded beyond the feeling of sexual attraction</li><li class="ql-align-justify">You forget how much you have gone through simply because it doesn’t cross your mind anymore. Your past seems like it happened in “ a different life”</li><li class="ql-align-justify">The worst happened and it past. You lost the person you thought you couldn’t live without and then you kept living” you lost your job then found another one. You began to realize that “safety”isn’t certainty-but in faith that you can simply keep on going.</li></ol>

How To Know You’ve Evolved More Than You Give Yourself Credit 4

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Who you were doesn’t need to bleed into who you will be</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Life is vivid and changing and real and unpredictable. Unchartable</li><li class="ql-align-justify">How often do you choose current experiences based on old beliefs subconsciously held of oneself?</li><li class="ql-align-justify">what we think of ourselves is what we allow of ourselves </li><li class="ql-align-justify">Our stories do not need to seamlessly transition into one another </li><li class="ql-align-justify">You are in control of how your story plays out. Don’t let the little voice tell you how the story is suppose to go-let go of old chapters to genuinely write new ones you may not see as possible </li></ul>

You Are A Book Of Stories Not A Novel

"Over the past few years, Brianna Wiest has gained renown for her deeply moving, philosophical writing. This new compilation of her published work features pieces on why you should pursue purpose over passion, embrace negative thinking, see the wisdom in daily routine, and become aware of the cognitive biases that are creating the way you see your life. Some of these pieces have never been seen; others have been read by millions of people around the world. Regardless, each will leave you thinking: This idea changed my life."--provided by publisher.

The Parentified Child in Adulthood

parentification

The Mountain Is You

5 Sales and Writing Secrets That Could Save Your Marriage (And Make Your Relationship Thrive)

Narcissists Don’t Lie, They Create Alternate Realities

Toni-Anne cavallo