Someone who is calm is seen as being in control, centered and more respectable.
Unless you know that anger will trigger the person into action and you are consciously using it as a strategy to move him/her, it is better to assume a calm persona.
Even when it may seem that the person is just out to get you, there is always some underlying reason that is motivating them to act this way.
Try to identify the person's trigger: What is making him/her act in this manner? What is stopping him/her from cooperating with you? How can you help to meet his/her needs and resolve the situation?
In all likelihood, your colleagues, managers and friends must have experienced similar situations in some way or another. They will be able to see things from a different angle and offer a different take on the situation.
Accept them exactly as they are.
Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort to listen and meet you halfway — you can assume that their behavior is what it has always been.
Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive.
Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others?
The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind.
Turn the situation inward and analyze your triggers and reactions to these situations.
Separate the facts from your assumptions.
Separate yourself and your reactions from the negative emotions you may be feeling in the moment.
Difficult people defy logic. They create unnecessary complexity, strife and worst of all stress.
90 % of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. They have well-honed coping strategies that they employ to keep difficult people at bay.
People often feel pressure to listen to complainers because they don’t want to be seen as callous or rude.
Avoid this by setting limits and distancing yourself when necessary. Ask complainers how they intend to fix the problem. They will either quiet down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.
Difficult people drive you crazy because their behavior is so irrational.
Distance yourself from them emotionally and approach your interactions like they’re a science project (or you’re their shrink). You don’t need to respond to the emotional chaos -- only the facts.
The best managers don’t avoid or bulldoze over conflicts, as doing so is harmful to cooperation. They understand people will have to keep working together in the future and that constructive and fair solutions are the ideal.
Someone may be hard to manage due to new external factors or something in your own management style. If you can look at a problematic situation holistically and gain insights into why someone is acting a certain way, that can lead you to a constructive solution.
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