High-stakes moments – those that can make or break your career – are a potent source of anxiety and fear. The challenge is not letting that fear stop you from acting. “Never underestimate the fact that you shape and mold what’s up for discussion. Speak as a leader. Speak so people listen.”

In tense situations, visualize success and try to connect with people who have power over you

Engage in actions that help you release feelings of failure from your body. Take five deep breaths and imagine your setback being released on the exhalation. Then, pair this release of the negative with a building up of the positive by doing one task well – something as simple as organizing your desk.  At the interpersonal level, share your mistakes with others, and don’t let yourself be intimidated. Talking to others helps you realize how common failures are. If you feel intimidated by someone, list five things that you and the other person have in common.

Being overworked can lead to burnout and impaired problem-solving. To avoid overdoing it, aim for a manageable pace of output that doesn’t deplete you. If you’re a high achiever, focus on doing just enough. “Indecision is a form of decision – and not a strong one. So if your goal is to make bold bets – to step up and lead – indecision won’t be the vehicle to get you there.”

To avoid overexertion, be decisive, breathe deeply and trust your gut

<ul><li>During negotiations, embrace silence and don’t rush decisions.</li><li>In tense situations, visualize success and try to connect with people who have power over you. </li><li>With toxic people and workplaces, protect yourself, create distance and find ways to release stress. </li><li>To overcome setbacks, identify the behaviors that derail you and forgive yourself for them.</li><li>Trust yourself; focus on your own growth rather than others’ opinions.</li></ul>

To embody great first impressions, walk right up and say “hi” to everyone, including those who appear isolated. Dress powerfully – think of something you wore to work that made you feel great. Create five-to-six variations of the outfit to switch out regularly.

First Impressions

Embrace a decisive mind-set. Practice setting short timers for daily tasks. For example, allow yourself 40 seconds to decide what to wear, then stop thinking about it and get dressed. Connect your daily decisions to a long-term vision, trust your gut and make public commitments to hold yourself accountable.

Embrace the mind-set that everyone makes mistakes, prepare for difficult questions and let people speak for themselves. Instead of obsessively replaying your own mistakes, learn to befriend them. Prepare for unexpected questions and reframe negative ones in a more positive light. Steer conversations towards something you want to speak about. And don’t comment on other people, such as competitors.

 Everyone makes mistakes

Keep promises to yourself and develop a growth mind-set. Write down your goals, make sure they are fairly realistic, and accept that it takes hard work to follow through. Reframe your mind-set. Instead of thinking, “I’m not good at marketing,” think, “I’m working on getting better at marketing.”

Growth mind-set

Toxic workplaces lower performance and commitment. For individuals, the added negativity can reduce intelligence, memory and immune system function. “You may not be able to prevent toxic people from coming around. But you can most certainly prevent them from staying.”

With toxic people and environments, protect yourself, create distance and find ways to release stress

Every workplace has power imbalances. To address them, recognize the power dynamics at play and work towards rebalancing them. Help everyone feel they have a voice and belong. In areas where you have power, give strong introductions and nominate overlooked co-workers for great assignments. During meetings, ensure multiple voices have the opportunity to speak, and set limits on overtalkers. “Don’t overestimate what everyone else can do and underestimate what you can do.”

Use and share power wisely to rebalance inequities in your workplace

To embrace a powerful mind-set, stop overapologising, showcase your expertise and find your voice. Eliminate “just,” “sorry to bother you” and “I may be wrong, but” from your vocabulary. Write and memorize a clear explanation of your expertise, your unique approach and mission, and what you seek to accomplish. Tap into your unique story. Avoid the trap of being too modest.

Embrace Power

Set boundaries, distance yourself from toxic people, groups and environments, and find ways to relax. Decide for yourself when to disengage or confront co-workers’ toxic behavior. It’s OK to distance yourself.

Toxic people

<ul><li>Take small, daily actions to grow your confidence.</li><li>Leverage first impressions to create authentic connections.</li><li>To belong anywhere, be yourself boldly. </li><li>Use and share power wisely to rebalance inequities in your workplace. </li><li>To avoid overexertion, be decisive, breathe deeply and trust your gut.</li></ul>

Quick Confidence

When your brain resists a task, ask your body to do it. For example, if you’re nervous about making a video, ask your body to hit “record.” Learn to manage your emotional, physical, mental and spiritual energy. Build positive emotions, eat well, reduce distractions and live your core values.Leave the “hedonic treadmill,” and share your stories. Instead of constantly chasing the next experience, slow down, savor positive moments and share them with others.

Manage emotions

To use your body’s wisdom to manage unhelpful thoughts, practice the “stop-clap”: Visualize a red stop sign, and clap your hands loudly to help break your negative thought pattern. Also, try box breathing – exhale-hold-inhale-hold for a count of four each.

Embrace a positive mind-set by not assuming your request will be met with a “no.” Overcome expectations of rejection by repeating a simple mantra: “It’s not my job to decide if it’s a no.” Deal with individuals, not their positions of power. If you’re presenting to powerful people, connect with one or two of them. CEOs are people, too.

Positive Mindset

To embody your power, relax your facial expressions and don’t let anyone interrupt you. Practice wearing a neutral expression, neither a smile nor a frown. During interruptions, raise your volume slightly and use gestures to ask the other person to wait. If interruptions continue, make non-judgmental observations about the person’s behavior.

Embody Power

To wield your power interpersonally, don’t allow others to underestimate you. Demonstrate your competence, and deal with aggressive and manipulative co-workers. Push back a bit, use humor to defuse situations, or redirect pushy co-workers to someone else who can help.

Wield Power

Don’t overexplain during interpersonal interactions and remove filler words when talking. It drains you and weakens the power of your speech. To avoid it, pause, breathe and answer succinctly. Listen to recordings of yourself to become aware of your “ums” and “ahs.” Then, replace them with a useful transition phrase such as “let’s move on to.”

To improve your mind-set, connect first and lead second. Employees want to connect with leaders before following them. To create a connection, demonstrate genuine warmth and interest. Control your inner dialogue. Repeat affirmations such as “I earned my place here,” and “If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me.”

Improve Mindset

First impressions matter. Use their power to help develop authentic connections wherever you go. Often, people allow their insecurities to drive them, becoming inauthentic and false to themselves in social interactions. But shrinking yourself harms your self-confidence and has negative effects, so show up as yourself.“Next time you want to make a firm impression in someone’s mind, prioritize your connection with them ahead of dazzling them with your brilliance.”

Leverage first impressions to create authentic connections

To embody success, visualize it happening. Use your five senses to create a mental picture of your ideal outcome. Then shrink it down to the size of a coin, place a real coin in your pocket and carry it wherever you go as a physical reminder. Also, use common gestures to strengthen your argument. Gestures enhance understanding, so use common ones: Count out lists on your fingers, and welcome people with outstretched arms.

Visualize success

Everyone makes mistakes – the average US worker makes 118 per year. However, not everyone learns from them. Those who do, rise above and move beyond.  “Just because the past didn’t go according to plan doesn’t mean the future can’t be better than you ever imagined.”

To overcome setbacks, identify the behaviors that derail you and forgive yourself for them

To release difficult feelings from your body, imagine squeezing your stress into a ball and setting it aside. To relieve physical stress, use progressive muscle relaxation: Working on one set of muscles at a time, tighten them for 10 seconds and then release. Remind yourself that most workplace stressors are not matters of life or death.

Small actions to build your confidence can add up to lasting changes. The actions outlined below can help you build the belief that you belong in any situation, can have an impactful presence and can make the most of every opportunity. Confidence is a muscle that can be developed by practicing every day. Build skills in three categories – your mind-set, your physical actions (embodiment) and your interpersonal behavior – to implement a comprehensive confidence-building program.

Belonging to a group often means shrinking your uniqueness to fit in. Unfortunately, that can lead to a watered-down version of your personality. Instead of shrinking, do the opposite: Grow yourself to stand out.  “If your presence doesn’t make an impact, then your absence won’t make a difference.”

To belong anywhere, be yourself boldly

To get in the right mind-set to transcend setbacks, identify forces that derail you and forgive yourself. Procrastination, self-protection and perfectionism can impede progress. Focus on one thing you can do right now; think of ways to help yourself feel safe while still making progress; and aim for high-quality (rather than perfect) work. Forgive yourself to move forward and improve your health. Zero in on one big lesson you learned from your misstep.

Transcend setbacks

Negotiate for what you need rather than settling for what you get. Research shows people who ask for high salaries receive about $5,000 more than those who don’t. “Very little is written in stone and off-limits. So stop settling for less than optimal and start looking for those powerful win-wins, starting now.”

During negotiations, embrace silence and don’t rush decisions

Everyone faces challenges to their self-confidence. Learning to be bold, take chances and tackle big goals isn’t easy. Boosting your confidence, though, can help you take your ideas and aspirations seriously. You’ll stop discounting your best ideas and have more motivation to pursue them. “Let’s start growing t0 stand out, rather than shrinking to fit in.”

Take small, daily actions to grow your confidence

To maintain a positive mind-set, don’t match bad energy directed at you, and take the time you need to heal. Try not to mirror the offensive, negative or toxic behavior of others. Although it’s easy to be sucked in, energy matching can weaken your self-respect and well-being in the long term. After leaving a toxic job, take time to unwind and heal (if possible). Write down your personal strengths to boost your confidence, and list “must haves” and “nice to haves” before looking for a new job.

Bad energy

To keep your confidence growing, face your fears and be willing to make mistakes without worrying about perfectionism or being an expert. Your confidence will keep increasing if you set goals, face your fears and maintain a growth mind-set. “To scale your confidence, you need to take chances, move forward with imperfect information, and bet you will somehow work it out.”


Trust yourself; focus on your own growth rather than others’ opinions

Actionable tips and strategies to boost your confidence. 

A WALL STREET JOURNAL BESTSELLER A PUBLISHERS WEEKLY BESTSELLER Hands-on, bite-sized strategies for improving your confidence In Quick Confidence: Be Authentic, Create Connections and Make Bold Bets On Yourself, best-selling author and renowned leadership speaker Selena Rezvani delivers an effective and eye-opening new approach to building confidence and presence for professionals. In the book, the author walks you through—and helps you leap over—the 9 most common obstacles that stand in the way of building authentic confidence. She offers digestible actions, behaviors, and exercises you can use to change the way you think and the way you present yourself to others. Relying on sound, scientifically validated data, the book helps you zero in on one actionable method at a time, from making a memorable entrance to stoking confidence in those around you. You’ll also find: <ul> <li>Mental, physical, and interpersonal routines that will lock in your new and confident persona for lasting change</li> <li>Techniques for using silence strategically and refusing to overexplain to enhance your credibility and presence</li> <li>Ways to overcome the intimidation factor that goes hand-in-hand with dealing with powerful people</li> </ul> A hands-on playbook for professionals at all stages looking for effective confidence-building advice that goes beyond “fake it ‘til you make it,” Quick Confidence is a fun and rewarding journey to a renewed self-image and enhanced well-being.

Similar ideas

Estate planning