Identities and careers ain't made out of college majors or GPAs but out of a couple of door opening pieces of identity capital.Make no mistake of taking jobs or volunteering in places that won't allow you to earn experience or horn your skill for your career. You can't think your way through life but the only way to figure out what to do is to do something.

Careers ain't build on GPAs and college majors

The twenties are when we transform into so many new things. At this period life is full of new and surprising moments, even flashbulb memories. The twenty-something years are real-time and ought to be lived that way. In the 19th century, the average twenty-one-year-old was married and caring for a new baby. Those times school ended with high school or maybe college.

Each person has an inherent urge to grow towards his or her potential much in the way an acorn becomes a tree and since we are not acorns and won't all be oaks, there is the tendency for confusion about exactly growing towards our potentials means. Part of realizing our potential is recognizing how our particular gifts and limitations fit with the world around us.

Each person has an inherent urge to grow towards his or her potential

Marriage is one of the most defining moments because so much wrapped up in it. So many twentysomethings either don't take their relationships seriously or don't think they are allowed then, somewhere around thirty, getting married suddenly seems pressing.

Love

Couples	who livet ogether first are actually less satisfied with their marriages and more likely to divorce than couples who do not.	This	is	what sociologists call the	cohabitation effect. Most twentysomethings settle for the misconception that living together is a good test of marriage, which has become common among twentysomethings.

The cohabitation effect

The people who we have met or are connected to somehow but don't currently know well are our weak ties. The more we have been around someone the stronger the tie because we have shared experiences and confidence. New things almost always come from outside your circle. Weak ties are those who give recommendations, suggestions, etc., easily. When needy anything favor from your weak ties, make yourself interesting, relevant, do your homework so you know exactly what you need.

Weak Ties

Distinctiveness is a fundamental part of identity. Differentness is what makes us who we are. It gives our lives meaning. We have to shift from a negative identity or a sense of 'what I am not to a positive or a sense of what I am. The question twentysomethings should often ask themselves is what am I for?.

Distinctiveness is a fundamental part of identity.

"To achieve greatness two things are needed; a plan and not quite enough time" ﻿

"Society is structured to distract people from the decisions that have a high impact on happiness to focus attention on the decisions that have a marginal impact on happiness"

Present bias is especially strong among twentysomething who put a lot of psychological distance between now and later.The future can seem socially distance when we hang out with people who are not talking about it either. Later can even feel spatially far away if we imagine ultimately settling down in some other place. The future isn't written in starts, there are no guarantees, do the math, make your own certainty. Be ruled by time, the wisest counselor of all.

Present Bais 

There is a certain terror that goes along with saying "my life is up to me". Not knowing what you want to do with your life or not at least having some ideas about what to do next is a defense against that terror. Being confused about choices is nothing more than hoping that maybe there is a way to he through life without taking charge. It is scary to realize there is no magic, you can't wait around no one can rescue you, you have to do something now.

"My life is up to me"

They&nbsp;Being in like means being alike in ways that matter and genuinely liking who the other person is. Couples who are similar in areas such as socioeconomic status, education age, ethnicity, religion, attractiveness, attitude, values, and intelligence, etc., are more likely to be satisfied with their relationships and are less likely to seek divorce. There will always be differences of some sort but statistically speaking what will kill a relationship is what you do with the differences.&nbsp;

Being in like

Twentysomethings who take time to explore and have the nerve to make commitments along the way construct stronger identities. They have higher self-esteem and are more persevering and realistic. There is a difference between being underemployed and unemployed, most twentysomethings find themselves in the former. Not making use of your twenties in building and acquiring identity capital will leave you feeling like you have to ultimately pay a surprisingly high price for a string of random twentysomething jobs.

Underemployed and unemployed twentysomething

Is our collection of personal assets, the repertoire of individual resources that are assembled over time. These are investments we make in ourselves, the things we do well enough or long enough that they become a part of who we are. Some identity capital goes on rèsumés such as degrees, jobs, test scores, etc., others are more personal such as how we speak, how we solve problems, where we are from, how we look, etc. Summarily, identity capital is how we build ourselves bit by bit over time. It is what we bring to the adult marketplace.

Identity Capital

For hundreds of years, twentysomethings moved from being sons and daughters to being husbands and wives bit within a few decades a new developmental period opened up. The twenties critical period of adulthood, they are the years when it will be easiest to start the lives we want. The period when people and personalities are poised for transformation.

Most twentysomethings grow up with some abstract commands like " follow your dreams, reach for the stars" without knowing much about how to get these things done. They don't know how to get what they want or sometimes even what they want. Unthought knowns are those things we know about ourselves but forget somehow. These are dreams we have lost sight of or the truths we sense but don't say out loud.

Unthought Known

New York Times bestselling psychologist Dr. Meg Jay uses real stories from real lives to provide smart, compassionate, and constructive advice about the crucial (and difficult) years we cannot afford to miss. Our "thirty-is-the-new-twenty" culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Some say they are a second adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. Dr. Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist, argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation, much of which has trivialized what is actually the most defining decade of adulthood. Drawing from almost two decades of work with hundreds of clients and students, The Defining Decade weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with the behind-closed-doors stories from twentysomethings, themselves. The result is a provocative read that provides the tools necessary to make the most of your twenties, and shows us how work, relationships, personality, social networks, identity, and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood—if we use the time wisely. The Defining Decade is a smart, compassionate and constructive book about the years we cannot afford to miss.

books

Books

The Defining Decade has changed the way millions of twentysomethings think about their twenties—and themselves. Revised and reissued for a new generation, let it change how you think about you and yours.Our "thirty-is-the-new-twenty" culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Some say they are an extended adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. In The Defining Decade, Meg Jay argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation, much of which has trivialized the most transformative time of our lives.Drawing from more than two decades of work with thousands of clients and students, Jay weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with behind-closed-doors stories from twentysomethings themselves. The result is a provocative read that provides the tools necessary to take the most of your twenties, and shows us how work, relationships, personality, identity and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood—if we use the time well. Also included in this updated edition: <ul><li>Up-to-date research on work, love, the brain, friendship, technology, and fertility</li><li>What a decade of device use has taught us about looking at friends—and looking for love—online</li><li>29 conversations to have with your partner—or to keep in mind as you search for one</li><li>A social experiment in which "digital natives" go without their phones</li><li>A Reader's Guide for book clubs, classrooms, or further self-reflection</li></ul>

Meg Jay is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Meg Jay has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Meg Jay's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

LEONARD BERNSTEIN.

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