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6 Ways To Become A Better Listener
Ask More Questions
Ask more questions than you give answers.
When you ask questions, you create a safe space for other people to give you an unvarnished truth.
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Listen to Learn, Not to Be Polite
Listen from a place of curiosity, not generosity. True dialogue does not happen when we pretend to listen, and it certainly cannot happen if we are not listening at all.
If you ever finish a conversation and learned nothing surprising, you weren’t truly listening.
Quiet Your Agenda
Really listen to what someone else is trying to say.
We need information that is disconfirming, not confirming.
Ask More Questions
Ask more questions than you give answers.
When you ask questions, you create a safe space for other people to give you an unvarnished truth.
Your Talk/Listen Ratio
Pay attention to your talk/listen ratio.
Strive for a 2:1 ratio of listening to talking.
Repeat Back What You Heard
Implement a process called active listening. Repeat back to the speaker what you heard.
If the speaker agrees that what you heard is what he or she intended to say, you can move on. If not, the speaker needs to reword their statement until the listener really does understand.
Wait until someone is done talking
Actually wait until someone is done talking before you respond.
The most difficult component of listening effectively is waiting for a period at the end of a sentence before formulating a reply.
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Mindful listening
This constant, low-grade sense of urgency can impede genuine communication.
Mindful listening - focused attention to what another person is saying, without judging or ...
Hear between the words
When you’re in conversation, set your mind to being present, receptive, and ready to listen with compassion.
Bring yourself into the moment with a few deep breaths and ask yourself: What is this person communicating beyond the words they use?
Use nonverbal cues
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Listening requires mental work
Mistakes we make in conversations
- Evaluate: We judge what someone is saying and agree or disagree.
- Probe: We ask questions from our own frame of reference.
- Advise: We give counsel, advice, and solutions to problems.
- Interpret: We analyze others' motives and behaviors based on our own experiences.
What makes a great listener
- Asking great questions;
- Playing attention to the nonverbal communication;
- Forgoing taking detailed notes to pay better attention;
- Listening with the intent to understand, not the intent to respond;
- Making people feel heard;
- Following up on what matters.
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We're bad at listening
We come into conversations with our own agendas and low attention spans, and that can be a dangerous combination.
When you’re doing the talking, though, it’s frustrating if you’re not being h...
Being present in conversations
- Get your face out of your phone and focus your attention.
- Be willing to receive information.
- Be willing to engage in the conversation and to listen with the intent to understand.
- Be willing to stay the course and not let your mind wander.
- Bring the conversation to a close with takeaways and next steps.
- Respect the existence of emotions and their roles and be aware of the body language also.
- Keep your ego out of the conversation.
What happens when you listen
- Listening is the basis for growth and advancement. You can’t advance your skills and knowledge without understanding others.
- Listening is also important because we all want love and respect; we want to spend time with people who listen.