For chiding that one friend who makes too many dumb jokes:

“It’s not the tragedies that kill us, it’s the messes. I can’t stand messes.” (The Paris Review )  

“I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.” (The Paris Review )  

“Their pooled emotions wouldn’t fill a teaspoon.” (quoted in Not Much Fun: The Lost Poems of Dorothy Parker )  

“Too fucking busy and vice versa.” (quoted in The Unimportance of Being Oscar by Oscar Levant)  

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style . The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.” (

Parker’s columns are like candy: read one—even a review of a book you’ve never heard of, it doesn’t matter—and you’ll be compelled to read the next. Unlike candy, however, these are not bad for you. Neither is anything else she wrote. As for her martini-fueled insults, well, the jury’s out. Eithe...