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"Miscalibration"
In a later study, participants engaged in both shallow and deep conversations, reporting their expectations and responses as in previous studies. And despite expecting to prefer the shallow conversation to the deep one, participants actually preferred the deep one, again significantly underestimating how much they would enjoy it. Participants were also better at anticipating how conversations with loved ones would go versus strangers, suggesting we “miscalibrate” how much people we don’t know are interested in our lives.
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Physical Alienation
This could prevent us from having conversations with all kinds of benefits — because we expect deep conversations with strangers to be painful, and because we expect strangers not to care, we may be avoiding them altogether. But in fact, this study suggests that we care deeply about one another. ...
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Topics of Conversation
In the first study, participants read that they would be randomly paired with another person, who they would discuss several questions with. Topics included things in life they felt grateful about and times they had cried in front of another person. They then estimated how much they would be inte...
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The Art of Conversation
Sometimes the most meaningful conversations come at surprising times: with someone you meet on a train and never see again, with a friend of a friend who you’ve only just met. Conversely, conversations with our closest friends and family can often be difficult, and we sometimes fail to share our ...
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Connection
The results showed that participants had underestimated how interested they would be in the other person — and how interested that person was in them. They also underestimated how connected they would feel with their partner, and overestimated how awkward the conversation would be.
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Importance of Responses
A follow-up study, in which participants picked their own deep questions to discuss, replicated these findings.In a fourth study, participants reported how much they thought they would care about their partner and vice versa before speaking to them on either shallow or deep topics. Participants e...
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Seven Studies
Over the course of seven studies, the results demonstrated that people enjoy deep conversations despite not expecting to. Deep conversations made participants feel more connected to their conversational partners, and were significantly less awkward than anticipated.
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Deep Questions
A second study replicated the first — only this time, half of the pairs of participants had shallow conversations about TV, lifestyles, and haircuts while half responded to the meaningful questions. Again, participants overestimated how awkward the conversation would be and underestimated how con...
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With Strangers
A new paper, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, finds that we seriously benefit from these deep conversations with strangers. But, despite this, we sometimes remain reluctant to engage in them, overes...
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