Lesson 1: Emotions Result From Unmet Needs

1. Emotions result from unmet needs, and it is those needs we must identify.
2. You can break out of low-mood cycles with “good enough” decisions.
3. If you feel an acute rush of anxiety, try “square breathing.”

Your mental health matters. Let’s learn how to take good ...

Dr. Smith has walked the walk. She’s been a clinical psychologist for over a decade and has treated hundreds of patients in her practice. Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? is a warm, concise,...

“Feelings aren’t just in your head,” Dr. Smith says. They can come from inside your body, the state of your household, your current circumstances, things that happened in the past, and of course the people you interact with. To draw out your unmet needs, Smith recommends asking yourself several q...

The problem with bad moods is that they love to stick around. We feel tired after work, so we eat half a bag of chips — only to then kick ourselves for making the wrong decision , which makes us even more likely to re...

The trick to getting out of such a spiral, Dr. Smith says, is to stop expecting perfection of yourself and make a “good enough” decision. “Good enough” decisions allow us to move forward in the right direction without setting unrealistic expectations . Thus, they help us build co...

The point of “good enough” decisions is not to solve our problems in one go. It is to show us change is possible, to make us feel good about moving in the right direction, and to lay the foundation for better habits that will, ...

Unlike a groggy morning that can be countered with some coffee, anxiety is often a longer-term problem. We’ll have to deal with it step by step. Dr. Smith gives an example of someone who became uncomfortable with large crowds during the pand...

The 23-year-old, overworked student who puts too much pressure on herself, the 38-year-old new mom who is struggling with postpartum issues, and anyone who feels constantly stressed at work.

"Thoughts are not Facts. They are a mix of opinions, judgements, stories, memories, theories, interpretations, and predictions about the future."

-Dr. Julie Smith

• What are your exact thoughts when a bad mood pops up?
• When do these thoughts usually occur?
• In what setting?
• Do you feel any other physical sensations to go along with your bad mood?
• What have you done in the last few days leading up to feeling bad?
...

But what if you end up frozen solid in front of the pinto beans shelf on your first day “back to reality?” Smith offers a useful technique for that too: square breathing. Here’s how it works:

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? is a collection of a clinical psychologist’s best practical advice to combat anxiety and depression and improve our mental health in small increments, co...

Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? became an instant bestseller, covering topics like depression, motivation, grief, fear, stress, and meaningful living. The book gently shows us how to regain...

For example, if you over-ate at dinner, woke up at night with dry-mouth syndrome, and only got six hours of sleep, it’s no surprise you are grumpy in the morning. But even if it’s not a biologically obvious lack, our feelings always have an origin. In the case of my sudden

According to Dr. Julie Smith , I’m not the only one this happens to, but the onset of anxiety and other negative emotions is never sudden — it just seems this way. Smith was the first professional psychologist to take to TikTok to share what she has lea...

Returning to my to-do list anxiety, instead of vowing I will complete every item on one of my lists, I can just say, “this project is important right now, so let me check off one item here and go from there.” As for your chips-eating bender, you could try making yourself a cup of tea to calm down...

1. Find something square. Anything with four corners. It could be a window, a cereal box, or your wallet.
2. Stare at the bottom left corner, and breathe in .
3. Count to four and slowly move your eyes to the top left corner .
...

Ask questions, find answers. Discover the unmet needs behind your feelings, and address those needs directly. Even if you decide not to do anything about them in some cases, going to the source of your emotions will help you manage them more gracefully.

Do you ever get anxious out of nowhere? I do. I keep lots of to-do lists to manage various aspects of my life, and most of the time, it’s a helpful thing. Sometimes, however, I think about all these different lists and the countless items on them, and I freeze. “So much to do! When am I going to ...