For most children before the age from eight and a half to ten, the problem is almost exclusively that of being loved (of being loved for what one is).

Children's Problem

<ul><li>In erotic love, two people who were separate become one.</li><li>In motherly love, two people who were one become separate.</li></ul>

Erotic vs. Motherly Love

Woman is not a castrated man, and her sexuality is specifically feminine and not of "a masculine nature".

Man and Woman

Any theory of love must begin with a theory of man, of human existence.

Theory of Love

Love, in principle, is indivisible as far as the connection between "objects" and one's own self is concerned.

Love in Principle

Sexual attraction between the sexes is only partly motivated by the need for removal of tension; it is mainly the need for union with the other sexual pole.

Sexual Attraction between the Sexes

<ul><li>To give has become more satisfactory, more joyous, then to receive.</li><li>To love, more important even than being loved. By loving, he has left the prison cell of aloneness and isolation which was constituted by the state of narcissism and self-centeredness.</li></ul>

Give and Love

Is love an art? Then it requires knowledge and effort.

Is Love an Art?

<ul><li>Brotherly love is love among equals.</li><li>Motherly love is love for the helpless.</li></ul>

Brotherly vs. Motherly Love

The deepest need of man is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness.

The Deepest Need

A premise behind the attitude that there is nothing to be learned about love is the assumption that the problem of love is the problem of an object, not the problem of a faculty.

Object and Faculty

If love is a capacity of the mature, productive character, it follows that the capacity to love in an individual living in any given culture depends on the influence this culture has on the character of the average person.

What if Love is a Capacity of the Mature?

To be concentrated in relation to others means primarily to be able to listen. Most people listen to others, or even give advice, without really listening.

Listen

Most people see the problem of love primarily as that of being loved, rather than that of loving, of one's capacity to love. Hence the problem to them is how to be loved, how to be lovable.

Being Loved and Loving

Another error leading to the assumption that there is nothing to be learned about love lies in the confusion between the initial experience of "falling" in love, and the permanent state of being in love, or as we might better say, "standing" in love.

Falling or Standing in Love?

In erotic love, there is an exclusiveness which is lacking in brotherly love and motherly love. Frequently the exclusiveness of erotic love is misinterpreted as meaning possessive attachment.

Exclusiveness of Erotic Love

This book wants to show that love is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone, regardless of the level of maturity reached by him.

The landmark bestseller that changed the way we think about love: “Every line is packed with common sense, compassion, and realism” (Fortune).  The Art of Loving is a rich and detailed guide to love—an achievement reached through maturity, practice, concentration, and courage. In the decades since the book’s release, its words and lessons continue to resonate. Erich Fromm, a celebrated psychoanalyst and social psychologist, clearly and sincerely encourages the development of our capacity for and understanding of love in all of its facets. He discusses the familiar yet misunderstood romantic love, the all-encompassing brotherly love, spiritual love, and many more. A challenge to traditional Western notions of love, The Art of Loving is a modern classic about taking care of ourselves through relationships with others by the New York Times–bestselling author of To Have or To Be? and Escape from Freedom.  This ebook features an illustrated biography of Erich Fromm including rare images and never-before-seen documents from the author’s estate.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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Erich Fromm, Ph.D. (Sociology, University of Heidelberg, 1922), was a psychoanalyst and social philosopher who explored the interaction between psychology and society, and held various professorships in psychology in the U.S. and Mexico in the mid-20th century.Fromm's theory is a rather unique blend of Freud and Marx. Freud, of course, emphasized the unconscious, biological drives, repression, and so on. In other words, Freud postulated that our characters were determined by biology. Marx, on the other hand, saw people as determined by their society, and most especially by their economic systems.

Being Loved and Loving

Similar ideas to Being Loved and Loving

Displays Of "Loving" Jealousy

Loving-kindness meditation

Be Loved And Still Be Feared.