Maintaining a calm and compassionate coaching presence requires tuning into your emotional responses. Relying solely on cognitive awareness in coaching – interpreting and analyzing based on your experiences – can hinder genuine understanding of a client’s unique perspective and feelings. Instead, blend cognitive and sensory awareness, opening up to emotional and physical reactions that arise during conversation and offering interpretations as invitations for further exploration.

Harness your emotions.

Reflecting on emotional experiences allows clients to uncover their truths and motivations. This process enhances self-awareness and enables more confident decision-making by illuminating the underlying emotional drivers behind their actions and perceptions.“Unpleasant feelings are just as crucial as the enjoyable ones in helping make sense of the choices we make.”

Encourage your clients to reflect on emotional experiences.

Recognizing problematic habits and behaviors offers insight into your clients’ underlying “operating system.” Such patterns reveal connections between past experiences and clients’ current identities and actions. Your coaching can be a crucial tool for uncovering and adjusting these deep-seated patterns, thus enabling your clients to make more conscious, deliberate choices.“When coachees say they have been acting a certain way as long as they can remember, they are sharing not only a habit but a reason why they probably won’t succeed at changing.”

Help your client discern habits and behaviors that impede growth.

A clear goal provides a specific direction for coaching conversations. It lets your client focus on overcoming resistance and achieving transformative changes rather than making superficial adjustments.Don’t predefine the outcome based on your understanding of someone’s situation or hurry into problem-solving mode. Premature action plans might bypass the client’s deeper insights or personal desires. “To open the window to blind spots, we need someone else to summarize our thoughts so we can objectively see them and then ask questions we can’t comfortably ask ourselves.”

Help your client uncover clear, attainable goals.

Guiding clients in coaching involves staying attuned to their narratives. These stories illuminate and clarify the desires and aspirations that form the basis for choosing and committing to achievable, concrete goals. Desires often hide within expressed frustrations and wishes.“The reaction you have to their resistance can cause friction between you and your coachee, decreasing their willingness to be coached.”

Adapt your communication style to your client’s needs.

Helping your clients choose how to present themselves in the world can help them understand their social need for acceptance and move toward healthy, beneficial professional and personal relationships. “Even mentally healthy humans tend to rely on the opinions of others to feel complete.”

Identify your client’s social needs and values to help them build a healthy life.

A safe, open environment is a prerequisite for meaningful dialogue. Your ability to create such an environment hinges on embodying a coaching mindset: being fully present and attentive to clients. To be fully present, you must embrace “unselfing”: practicing humility and letting go of the belief you must be a “perfect” coach to help people. When you practice being present as you use your coaching skills, you will, inevitably, grow in your craft. “You must let go of being the perfect coach.﻿”

Don’t try to be the perfect coach; instead, focus on being fully present for your client.

Coaching that focuses on listening to your client and asking them open-ended questions to challenge their existing perceptions and beliefs can unlock creative insights. By refraining from offering advice or direct solutions, you can boost the client’s problem-solving skills and personal growth.  “Coaching is a spontaneous interaction that often leads to greater self-awareness more than goal achievement, but you keep the end in mind to make sure they are addressing what is hindering their evolution.”

Keep your focus on clients and help them solve their own problems.

Use non-reactive empathy to recognize and validate clients’ emotions without absorbing them. Use phrases like, “When you mention this… it seems to bring up feelings of….” This approach allows you to cultivate awareness of your emotional responses during conversations, discern whether these emotions are yours or your client’s and offer perceptions for the client’s confirmation – as opposed to trying to fix their problems or interjecting your own experiences.“Your job isn’t making people feel better. You coach them to see better.”

Self-discovery work is peppered with “aha moments” that give clients the clarity they need to move forward. To assist clients in articulating their new insights, encourage them to describe their realizations concisely. Provide them the silence and space to grasp and express their newfound understanding. If they struggle to find the right words, summarize their thoughts and invite them to refine your words. This process can deepen their reflection, clarify their insights, and transform vague ideas into tangible action steps.“A breakthrough that reshapes your client’s story is always possible.”

Have your clients verbalize new insights and help them commit to real change.

To “unself” and become more present, work to set aside your personal needs, expectations and judgments in coaching relationships. Foster an open, non-directive mindset that prioritizes the client’s experiences and perspectives. Cultivate the mental habits of being a “self-less witness” to the client’s journey, maintaining a calm, curious, compassionate presence and believing in the client’s inherent strength and capability to grow.

<ul><li class="ql-align-justify">Don't try to be the perfect coach; instead, focus on being fully present for your client.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Harness your emotions.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Keep your focus on clients and help them solve their own problems.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Encourage your clients to reflect on emotional experiences.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Help your client uncover clear, attainable goals.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Adapt your communication style to your client's needs.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Help your client discern habits and behaviors that impede growth.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Identify your client's social needs and core values to help them build a healthy life.</li><li class="ql-align-justify">Have your clients verbalize new insights and help them commit to real change.</li></ul>

Key Points

Tools and techniques needed to guide your clients toward the kinds of “light bulb moments” that lead to significant breakthroughs in thinking and behavior.

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