People who have friends live longer - Deepstash
This Is How To Make Emotionally Intelligent Friendships: 6 Secrets - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

This Is How To Make Emotionally Intelligent Friendships: 6 Secrets - Barking Up The Wrong Tree

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People who have friends live longer

People who have friends live longer

A study on longevity found that it was not weight, eating habits, exercise, air pollution, etc. that affected how long someone lives.

Only two things made a huge difference:

  • frequency of social support
  • how integrated peope were in their community.

The math in behavioural science

Most studies show that natural human communities and personal social networks have a typical size of about 150.

  • Survey data shows that the average wedding has 144 guests.
  • Typical medieval English villages - 150 people.
  • The average number of Facebook friends and email contacts are between 150 to 250.
  • Most people have 5 friends they contact weekly, about 15 they talk to monthly, roughly 50 they hear from every six months, and 150 they connect with annually.

Friendships are fragile. If you don't take care of those relationships, they will disappear.

Stay in touch

Friendships are more fragile than family and need more care. While nobody likes to lose friends, you can expect to lose a good friend about every two years.

You have to be deliberate with your friendships. Friendships need regular face-to-face contact if you want to keep them.

Quality over quantity in friendships

The depth of friendships is more important than frequency. Sharing emotional experiences and events with one another is a critical element.

When people share intense ups and downs, it creates a bond that cannot be easily broken. So, be vulnerable. Open up. Ask for advice. Share what you're going through emotionally.

Knowing what the best get-togethers have in common

Research indicates the common factors that predict how satisfied people are with the gathering:

  • The number of people (more is better)
  • The frequency of laughter
  • Reminisching about the past
  • The consumption of alcohol

The biggest point to note is to limit the small talk and open up and communicate meaningful stuff.

Make your best friend better

A study showed that our behaviour is most influenced by those we are close to.

If you improve, it is likely that you both will improve. So help them become a better person by working on yourself.

Showing gratitude to the people we love

Studies show that people said thanks 5.5% of the time to friends and family. We simply expect family and friends to accept our request as a matter of course. We show more gratitude to strangers.

A little gratitude can go a long way in maintaining relationships. If you messed up, apologize.

Budget appropriately

We have something like a fixed "friendship budget." Extroverts may have more friends, but their friendships are not as close as those of introverts. We spend about 3,5 hours a day on social interaction. Your closest 5 friends get 40%, the other 10 in the group of 15 get the next 20%. And the last 135 friends get about 37 seconds a day.

The lesson is that you can't add time; you can only distribute it differently. Know who is important to you and prioritise them.

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