48 STASHED IDEAS
There is a life force that runs through all living things. Some people call it god. It is the creator, the enabler of life. God runs through us. We are life. We are god. We don’t need to do anything or achieve anything. We are already worthy of love. Because Love is the very essence of the life that runs through us.
The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple.
We really should stop judging ourselves
If I started thinking How come I’m not confident yet? this will drive me to start worrying. Why am I not confident yet? I need to be confident and this starts the thought loop of despair.
Accept yourself and then beyourself
I force myself to sound confident. I go up and say hello to a few people. My voice starts out strong, but then it starts to waver. Everything I say sounds like a question. Hi? How are you? I’m good? Great party?…
I’ve created this self image that I need to be a confident, charismatic guy all the time, and that if I don’t act confident, no one will like me.
The slight problem with this is that no one is confident all the time. And when I inevitably fail to live up to my own expectations, it causes me to question the foundations of my identity. Am I some loser who doesn’t know how to socialize? I hate weak people, and I hate myself when I am weak. I am only worthy of love when I meet my own standards.
After the party I go home and this is when I feel the worst. I start beating myself up. Cue thought loop of despair.
Nobody abuses us more than we abuse ourselves. We pay for our mistakes thousands of times. We make a mistake, we punish ourselves. And you’d think that would be enough, but every time we remember, we punish ourselves again, and again. – Adapted from Don Miguel Ruiz
The anxiety I feel at the party isn’t even that bad. What is 10 times worse is me beating myself up after.
Zen master Seng-tsan taught that “true freedom is being without anxiety about imperfection.”
I gradually begin to accept that: sometimes I act awkward, other times I’m confident. There’s parts of my personality that I like, parts that I don’t like. But, at the end of the day I’m human, a unique individual. And I am learning to love and accept all parts of myself.
I focus my attention on how my feelings feel and where they are in my body. I allow myself to experience my nervousness fully.
I notice how the heaviness in my belly rises and lifts with my breath. I notice the tightness in my throat extending to my eyes, surrounding them with tension like a clenched fist. I stay with the feeling around my eyes. They feel a little tired, heavy.
“Anxiety” doesn’t exist
It is just a word that humans make up. All that exists are physical sensations.
You get social anxiety when you’re around certain people. That anxiety cripples you and you start wondering why you’re so anxious. Now you’re becoming anxious about being anxious. Now you’re anxious about your social anxiety ➡️ more anxiety.
you’re so worried about doing the right thing all the time that you become worried about how much you’re worrying. you feel so guilty for every mistake you make that you begin to feel guilty about how guilty you’re feeling.
This is “thought loop of despair”
Psychologist Dr Kristen Neff talks about how:
There isn’t anything wrong with the imperfection of life as long as we don’t expect it to be other than it is.
Happiness is not dependent on circumstances being exactly as we want them to be, or on ourselves being exactly as we’d like to be. Rather, happiness stems from loving ourselves and our lives exactly as they are, knowing that joy and pain, strength and weakness, glory and failure are all essential to the full human experience.”
If you believe you can, you will succeed. Self-belief doesn’t come naturally to everyone, so if you’re able to tell yourself that you can achieve the goals in your plans, you’re doing great.
Success only comes with a balanced life. Part of balance is learning to say no. Saying no doesn’t mean you are selfish; it simply means you have priorities and know what you need to give your attention to at any given time.
Opening your heart to others is difficult and can produce fear. Having the courage to love and accept love from others is a step toward a fulfilling life and great success.
Successful people choose their battles wisely. When you know which battles will ultimately help you achieve your goals, you will be successful.
Perseverance creates grit, and grit achieves success. Even if it takes years to achieve a goal, persisting is key if you want success.
Disabilities do not define a person’s success. The body and mind will compensate. Just because you can’t do absolutely everything doesn’t mean you can’t do something. Do what your body and mind allow and always push yourself. That is true success.
Your destiny is controlled by you and you alone. Take responsibility for your actions and their consequences and you’ll find that you naturally become more successful.
You will only succeed if you help others succeed. Learning to give instead of always take is part of creating a world we all want to live in. When you help others, you will also create an environment where others want to help you.
Love, health, friends, family…life is filled with abundance. Recognizing this is an important step to feeling grateful for all life has given you. If you can feel this, you are already experiencing success.
Home is where your heart soars. You are always successful when you can call a place home. Home doesn’t have to be a specific structure. It can be a country, a city, or even a person. If you have a place you feel comfortable and safe, you’re already achieving something great.
Successful people understand that learning never stops. Take time each day to converse with someone with opposing views, read an interesting article on a topic you know little about, or watch a TED talk on new research. It doesn’t take long to learn, so get started now.
Be realistic and concrete when setting goals. Success does not come from setting abstract goals. If you know where you’re heading, that is a success in itself, even if you don’t ultimately arrive to the planned destination.
Successful people never give up on things they believe with all their heart. You may hold views that many people disagree with, but if you’ve done your research and know that it’s the right belief for you, you shouldn’t let it go without a fight.
If you can meet your monthly obligations and fulfill your basic needs, you are successful. Being able to identify when you absolutely need something and when you can do without it often leads to financial stability and is a great way to succeed.
Work without passion creates undue stress and empty achievements. Focus on what excites you. If you’re happy at your job, that’s great.
Success can be achieved when you try your best in all aspects of everything you do, even if that doesn’t lead to big results. If you’ve done your best, you should feel proud of your efforts.
Our beliefs act as the ‘on’ and ‘off’ switch to our brain and our inner resources. Without the right beliefs in place, none of the other steps in the success formula matter.
If you believe that you don’t have what it takes to learn, the capability or that ‘it is too difficult,’ then you are more likely to quit than change your strategy and take action until you succeed. So an empowering set of beliefs is truly one of the keys you need to seal in, to set the rest of the formula in motion.
When you follow your strategy and take consistent action, there are only two possible things that can happen. The first possible outcome is that you experience success by moving towards or achieving your goal, and the second possible outcome, of course, is failure.
THREE WAYS PEOPLE DEAL WITH FAILURE
The first step to success is to know exactly what you want. Sounds simple right? Sadly, most people never seem to get what they want, simply because they are not clear about what they want in the first place!
unless you have a specific goal, there is nothing tangible you can focus your time and energy on. This is why most people find themselves going in all other directions, ending up nowhere.
Unless you have a specific target, you cannot develop an effective strategy to get there.
Values are like emotional hot buttons that drive our behavior. They are what we value as important in our lives.
All of us regard values like ‘success,’ ‘freedom,’ ‘security,’ ‘love,’ and ‘happiness’ very differently. It is the way we internally rank these values that determine the choices we make and the actions we take.
Some people are driven towards reaching their goals because of their need to feel secure. Others may be driven by a different value, like freedom.
The third step is to get yourself to take consistent action, using the strategy you have crafted. This will move you, step by step, towards your goal. Consistent action is what separates thinkers or dreamers from doers.
“Success isn’t always about greatness. It’s about consistency. Consistent hard work leads to success. Greatness will come.” — Dwayne Johnson
The second step in the Ultimate Success Formula is to develop a strategy that will move you towards your outcome. Again, the more specific your goal is, the easier it is to develop an appropriate strategy.
You can have all the drive and energy, but without the right strategy, you will never get what you want. Every outcome is possible, given an effective strategy.
An excellent way to develop a strategy is to model the strategy of someone you admire, who is also in the place you want to be.
"Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts."
It’s about the little moments in between.
Moments where you’re happy. Moments that you’re really soaking in.
Truth is, you can experience those moments even if you’re currently stuck in a 9 to 5.
The silver bullet is that you need to put in the work everyday for years.
It’s not some Facebook ads hack. Or some magical $2000 conference.
But no matter how many times people tell you that, you’re still going to dig around for the secret answer.
‘My goal is to make a ton of money.’
And you’re wondering why you still haven’t made it.
Your goal isn’t actionable.
And quite frankly it isn’t that motivating either.