You must have been complaining "Why do people not understand me?" There are several reasons for that. Let's see.

Why Cannot We Completely Understand Ourselves?

In daily life, we do not pay attention much. But language is an imperfect system. What is language? According to the Cambridge Dictionary, it means "the words used by the people of a country". Most people would say something like that too. And that's kind of true. But to whom? To understand better, let's get deeper into the language.

Language

John Locke was an English philosopher and empiricist. He had done many things in language, philosophy, politics, science and medicine. I think he had brilliant thoughts in language. He claimed that the meaning of a word is the idea in your mind while communicating. Words are the units that can be used for ideas. He thinks language is the only way to transfer knowledge. But at the same time, he thinks the language is a barrier to increasing and obtaining knowledge. So, it is imperfect. He says there is no natural bond between these meaningful sounds(words) and the ideas that represent them

If so, we all would have one language. Words have a conventional structure that supplies a connection between the speaking one and the listening one. For instance, he says when you see an elephant. You do not see the elephant itself. What you take to be an elephant is the representation.So I want to say that my elephant could be different from yours. Like when you say love, we do not think the same thing. It has a name in the philosophy of mind. It is called the "qualia effect".

Qualia is defined as individual instances of subjective, conscious experience. So every word has a different meaning for everyone. I think that is a big problem in our understanding. When I say grief, for example, maybe you had a tough life and I had a great one; that is so obvious we will not think the same thing.

Qualia

The way of expression cannot be clear enough. We should be careful about that. For instance, when you make a sarcastic comment but in a tone of sadness. It might get misunderstood. It is clear there are more reasons. But even these are the main ones; whatever you do, they will never be able to understand you completely. There is a saying: Whatever you say, what you say is nothing more than what the listener understands. So, don't be upset if you are complaining about this.

Expression 

I used to think "Why no one understands?" when I was younger. I was clearly being a teenager. I learned that people can always relate to each other. Still did some research and here's what I found.

philosophy

Philosophy

communication

Communication

Let's say it starts to rain just as you have to leave your house, that is unfortunate. But if you have to go out, apart from putting on a raincoat or getting your umbrella, or cancelling your appointment, there isn’t much you can do about it. You can’t stop the rain no matter how much you want to. Should you be upset about this or embrace the fact you can't stop the rain whatever you do and just go out with an umbrella?

How To Be Happier?

"A Stoic is someone who transforms fear into prudence, pain into transformation, mistakes into initiation, and desire into undertaking.

Stoicism 101

Stoicism is not so much an ethic as it is a paradoxical recipe for happiness.

What Is Stoicism?

Stoicism was founded by Zeno of Citium in Athens around 300 BC. The key principle of the ancient Stoics was the belief that we don’t react to events; we react to our judgments about them, and the judgments are up to us. They also advised that we should not worry about things beyond our control as everything in life can be divided into two categories things that are up to us and things that are not.

Happiness begins with a clear principle: some things are within control and other things are not.

Ask yourself:What is in my control?For example, let's say you hate a person in your class or work. Every move he does, every word he says annoys you to death. And you are always so tense because of him. What would you do if you were a stoic? That's simple. Nothing. Think about it. You can't destroy him or shut his mouth or code him again like a program. Only thing you can do is just not to care. Control your emotions, your judgements. Do not be a control freak who tries to organize every person around. The world is not turning around you. Just do not care if you can't do anything about it.

1) The Dichotomy Of Control

That's really simple but effective way to be happy. It will be hard at the beginning but you can do it. When you get overwhelmed about the things you can't control just take a deep deep breath, stop for a moment, be a stoic and then carry on like it is nothing.

Rather than avoiding diffucult thoughts, you actually mediate upon these potential negative things.

2) Premediating Adversity

"As you kiss your son good night, whisper to yourself 'He may be dead in the morning.' "

You can die tomorrow. Your family can die tomorrow. There is no certainity in future and in life. So many things could happen to you even in 5 minutes. You can't know. I know it is harsh but that is the truth. And you can't possibly change that. So, as a stoic what can you do? You can cherish the every minute you have. You can enjoy those moments and cherish them because you won't have those seconds, minutes, days ever again. Just show your love to someone, just be grateful...

If we are prepared for diffucult situations then we are also prepared for the misfortunes that might come true in the future.

3) Voluntary Discomfort

Seneca suggested people to live outside for once in a month. If you live outside you will see the worst so next time a problem occurs you are just gonna say to your self. I've been through worse. I can handle this just fine. Also, by doing this you can also be more grateful for the things you have.

Sometimes we lose in details. In these times we must remember the big picture.

4) A View from Above

Time is cruel, doesn't wait for us just flows. Also, it's sneaky. We need to look closer to see how fast it past. Life is like a play. We are the main character. And it is not perfect. Sometimes cast is awful but you need to play anyway. And sometimes you just need to pause, just pause for a moment. Look from outside, be the director or audience. Just watch carefully. See what's going on, what's happening in your own life even though you are busy. It might sound silly at first but it is imperative to inprove yourself.

Journaling today makes a better tomorrow.

5) Journaling

As I just said, watch your life. Best way to do that is journaling. You can journal by writing, vlogging etc. However you want. Journaling increases the quality of your life. You can see the changes day to day. You can improve your life by journaling. Just write down what you did wrong or right, what you are grateful for. Or if you have a problem just write it down. By writing down you will feel relieved, and also you will see how you changed. By writing what you regret today, you won't do it tomorrow. You will acknowledge the effect of your actions.

There is knowledge and there is wisdom. You know the stuff but actually how to apply to your life.

6) Apply to Your Life

Saying and knowing those are easy. More significantly you need apply all to your life which is the hardest part. But you can do it just believe in yourself. Change happens over time, not over night. By time you can get better.

Why Cannot We Completely Understand Ourselves?

How to be happier?

B.S. Deniz KAYA