<ul><li>If they wanted to [do something], they would</li><li>You can't make somebody else change; you can make them dinner you can make them laugh, but you cannot make someone else change</li><li>Stop being mad that people aren't who you want them to be.</li></ul>

3 things you need to accept about other people

The Mel Robbins Podcast is HERE!! 💥 https://bit.ly/tmrp_playlist 👈 Watch the exclusive uncut version of every episode here on YouTube every Monday (to start your week) and Thursday (to get you through it). You can also listen, follow, and rate wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. — Today you and I are digging into three things you must accept about other people. It took me years to understand these truths. It sounds horrible, but I always wondered, “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they change?” I know you can relate. Because today I’m taking your questions about trying to change other people. You’re frustrated by the fact that your spouse or partner won’t #exercise more. You get angry seeing how much money your daughter wastes going out every weekend. You’re annoyed by how stubborn your #parents have become the older they get. Me too. I’ve tried every tactic you can imagine to get other people to change. And recently I realized the true source of my #frustration: It’s not them, it’s me. I’m refusing to accept three things. These things are hard to accept, and they’re true. Once you hear them and you apply them to your life, your #relationships will be way easier. In addition to the three truths about other people, you’ll learn #research that explains why it’s so hard to get other people to change. And like all episodes, this one is packed with tactical advice and #takeaways that you can put to use immediately. And, if you’re the one who’s busy making changes but your loved ones are not being supportive, I answer that question from a listener, too. I feel compelled to answer your questions because so many of you are improving your life with the tools you’re learning on this podcast and your family is starting to get annoyed with you. That’s okay. It shows you’re making progress (but it doesn’t make it easy). Hopefully today’s episode will. Xo Mel In this episode, you’ll learn: - 3 powerful truths you have to accept about people. - How do you deal with people who don’t want to change? - Why some people can’t change. - My “6-month rule” for any complainer - What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you’re making - The science of “Myside bias” and what it says about human nature For full show notes, go to https://www.melrobbins.com/podcast. Timecodes: 4:35 - The 3 things you need to accept about other people 6:08 - If they wanted to they would also applies to you 9:30 - How to word “should” holds judgment 17:17 - What happens when you want to do better, but you just can’t 20:46 - You can’t make someone else change 25:07 - You can’t be mad at someone for being not who YOU want them to be 27:25 - The 6 month rule - how to draw boundaries with wallowers 33:59 - What do when the people around you don’t support the changes you make 36:37 - When you try to change someone you aren’t loving someone, you are judging them 41:07 - Energy shifts and patterns change 43:47 - Your changes do not inspire other people, they confront them 48:48 - Research: The problem with my side bias 53:49 - Loving someone is loving where they are, and where they aren’t Listen to the #podcast episode “3 Truths You Need to Accept About Other People” - https://link.chtbl.com/DAinFkFf?sid=ep21_description --- Subscribe to the channel here: https://www.youtube.com/melrobbins​?sub_confirmation=1 --- Follow me here: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/melrobbins/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/melrobbins Website: http://melrobbins.com​ Twitter: https://twitter.com/melrobbins TikTok: http://tiktok.com/@melrobbins --- Sign up for my newsletter written to YOU at: https://www.melrobbins.com/newsletter​ --- Looking for my books on Amazon? Here they are! High 5 Habit: https://amzn.to/3fMvfPQ The 5 Second Rule: https://amzn.to/3372Rl9

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

videos

Videos

3 Things You Need to Accept About Other People | The Mel Robbins Podcast

"In order to break the cycles of negativity, you've got to get up every day and do the work right before you. That means getting your education when the opportunity presents itself. And then focusing on that, doing the work, doing your homework, getting to the next stage in life. Because if you take those small steps over time, you build up a lifetime of another story for yourself."

CNN's Sara Sidner moderates a timely discussion about empowering girls across the globe with former First Lady Michelle Obama, Amal Clooney and Melinda French Gates. #michelleobama #sarasidner #News

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

education

Learning & Education

Michelle Obama has advice for girl's battling self-doubt

In Latin, the word addiction means slave. The root word addict comes from the Latin word addictus (past tense addicere), which means “to devote, sacrifice, sell out, betray or abandon.” In the Roman law, an addiction was a person that became enslaved through a court ruling. And we all know in some way how we can easily become slaves to the object or substance of our addiction. Addictions happen when we are out of touch with our inner selves.

The meaning of addiction

https://lewishowes.com/greatnessdelivered - Sign up for my FREE newsletter & get a dose of inspiration from our world-class guests, learn how to improve your life! Get Dr. Mate's new book - https://drgabormate.com/book/the-myth-of-normal/ A renowned speaker and bestselling author, Dr. Gabor Maté is highly sought after for his expertise on a range of topics including addiction, stress, and childhood development. Dr. Maté has written several bestselling books, including the award-winning In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction, When the Body Says No: Exploring the Stress-Disease Connection, and Scattered: How Attention Deficit Disorder Originates and What You Can Do About It, and has co authored Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. His works have been published internationally in nearly thirty languages. — If you’re ready to learn how to navigate the complexities of addiction and healing from trauma, then I’m confident you’ll find value in this conversation. And now, I hope you’ll join me for Episode 1,303 of The School of Greatness! You can follow me at: Website: http://lewishowes.com/ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lewishowes/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/LewisHowes Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lewishowes/ Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lewis Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lewishowes/

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

mentalhealth

Mental Health

BREAK ADDICTION: Why You Feel Lost In Life & How To FIND YOURSELF! | Gabor Mate

The motto "Time is money" has been drilled into our brains. When we feel that we do not have enough time to get everything on our plates done, many of us tend to panic. Due to this, we neglect our own well-being and fail to take ‘me time’. If we waste time, many of us feel guilty, and sometimes even anxious. However, when someone else wastes our time, we can become irritated and impatient.

Lack of Time: A Common Stressor Nowadays

The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.

<ul><li>Ensure you have some ‘me time’ regardless of how busy your schedule is and don’t feel guilty about it:</li><li>Without health, in particular mental health, you will have nothing. So focusing on doing something for yourself, that you enjoy, is more important and less ridiculous than you may think.</li><li>Take even ten minutes for yourself, if you can’t take an hour. A short break is better than nothing.</li><li>Do not set unrealistic goals. If you know you won’t get something done, accept it and get on with the tasks you can.</li><li>Remember you do not need to do everything. It won’t be the end of the world if you do not have ti<warningtag>me to send that email you’ve been meaning to do.</warningtag></li><li><warningtag>Stop feeling guilty if you have generally done something that you think has been a waste of time. Don’t focus on the problem, focus on the solution. Move on.</warningtag></li></ul>

Having "Me Time" Does Not Mean You're Wasting Time

When we feel that we do not have enough time to get everything on our bridges done, many of us tend to panic. Due to this, we neglect our own well-being and fail to take ‘me time’, because it feels like we're wasting time.

mindfulness

Mindfulness

timemanagement

Time Management

The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time!

Creativity is the way we heal each other. By singing our songs and telling our stories and inviting us to say "hey, listen to me and I'll listen to you", we're starting a dialogue and when we do that, this healing happens and we come out of our corners and we start to witness each other's common humanity.If you want to help your community, if you want to help your family, if you want to help your friends, you have to express yourself; and to express yourself, you have to know yourself.

Healing through creativity

Visit http://TED.com to get our entire library of TED Talks, transcripts, translations, personalized talk recommendations and more. Reflecting on moments that shaped his life, actor Ethan Hawke examines how courageous expression promotes healing and connection with one another -- and invites you to discover your own unabashed creativity. "There is no path till you walk it," he says. The TED Talks channel features the best talks and performances from the TED Conference, where the world's leading thinkers and doers give the talk of their lives in 18 minutes (or less). Look for talks on Technology, Entertainment and Design -- plus science, business, global issues, the arts and more. You're welcome to link to or embed these videos, forward them to others and share these ideas with people you know. For more information on using TED for commercial purposes (e.g. employee learning, in a film or online course), submit a Media Request here: http://media-requests.TED.com Follow TED on Twitter: http://twitter.com/TEDTalks Like TED on Facebook: http://facebook.com/TED Subscribe to our channel: http://youtube.com/TED

health

Health

creativity

Creativity

Give yourself permission to be creative | Ethan Hawke

Startup ideas are rarely lightbulb moments. It's more like having an idea of something you could do that nobody else has done before, and it's probably a bad idea. Or, the idea seems way implausible, but you want to see what happens, for example, the beginning of Facebook.

Seeing ideas in retrospect

Good ideas are often not quite intuitive. The outcomes of startups are hard to predict. There's a tremendous amount of luck involved. An idea might have something to it, but it's not obvious.

The indeterminacy of ideas

Find someone you trust, and then find someone they trust. In other words, take recommendations from people. When you hire via the web, don't hire too fast. Paul Graham picked Robert Morris as a cofounder because he was his co-conspirator. Robert was an exceptional programmer. He could program as fast as he could type. When they needed more programmers, they recruited the smartest person Robert knew.

How to pick co-founders

Advise for startups are often counintuitive and not obvious. For example:<ul><li>Don't do things that scale at first. Don't try to do too much in the beginning. You should do things that don't scale, meaning in a sort of handmade artisanal way so you can learn a lot from it.</li><li>Do things very manually for your early customers. If you think you know the solution and build lots of stuff for it, you might be wrong because you don't know yet. Once you know what you should be building, then focus on scaling.</li><li>As long as you have a constant growth rate, it means exponential growth.</li></ul>

Startups are very counterintuitive

The hardest part of being a sole founder is morale.  When you start out, there are a million reasons why what you're doing isn't going to work. When you're a sole founder, there's no one to keep you going when things are going badly and no one to cheer you up.

Why being a sole founder is difficult

<ul><li>Most of the time, startup companies fail because of poor execution by the founders. </li><li>Startups seldom fail because of competition. </li><li>Startups are more likely to succeed if they start with a good founding team that knows one another well, can work together and can stand stress together.</li><li>Founders are not just smart people. More importantly, they have to be determined to succeed.</li><li>You don't have to be that creative if you care enough about users. You can just follow what makes users happy.</li></ul>

What makes startup companies succeed or fail

The risk of launching early is not so great as the risk of launching late. <ul><li>Launch as soon as you have a quantum of utility, which means as soon as there are ten people who are glad that you launched because now they can do something that they couldn't do.</li><li>If you're not embarrassed with what you launched, you launched too late.</li></ul>

When to launch

<ul><li>Figure out not just what users think is wrong but what's actually wrong. What's missing in their life?</li><li>Ask them "What would you like to do that you can't?" They'll tend to give you an answer that's like a subset. </li><li>Try to find out what they really mean. Ask them, "What if you could do such-and-such?"</li></ul>

Best tips for a great user interview

If you don't pay attention to users, you will make up some idea in your head that you will call your vision, and then you will spend time thinking about your vision by yourself and build some elaborate thing without talking to users. You are better off finding someone with a problem that they will pay you to fix and then see if you can find more people like that.

The importance of paying attention to users

Geoff Ralston interviews YC founder Paul Graham and draws out startup wisdom. Startup School is YC's free online program for founders. Sign up to access the full curriculum and over $100k in deals! https://www.startupschool.org/

entrepreneurship

Entrepreneurship

startup

Startups

A Conversation with Paul Graham - Moderated by Geoff Ralston

An idealistic statement is how you wish the world worked. When you imagine an ideal world with a just cause, you devote your practice, energy and resources to advance that cause. The ideal will always be imperfect in its own way. Yet, striving towards it becomes very inspiring for a workforce because they feel like they're contributing to something larger than themselves.

The infinite mindset

When you think about innovation, if you say, "provide greater value for our clients", its not wrong, but when you want to innovate around that, the innovation tends to be more features and benefits. When you say, "innovate to advance x", the ideas can come from anywhere within the organization and tend to be much bigger.

A clearer path to embrace an infinite mindset

A Just Cause offers us a clearer path to embracing an Infinite Mindset. + + + Simon is an unshakable optimist. He believes in a bright future and our ability to build it together. Described as “a visionary thinker with a rare intellect,” Simon has devoted his professional life to help advance a vision of the world that does not yet exist; a world in which the vast majority of people wake up every single morning inspired, feel safe wherever they are and end the day fulfilled by the work that they do. Simon is the author of multiple best-selling books including Start With Why, Leaders Eat Last, Together is Better, and The Infinite Game. + + + Website: http://simonsinek.com/ Live Online Classes: http://simonsinek.com/inspireU Podcast: http://apple.co/simonsinek Instagram: https://instagram.com/simonsinek/ Linkedin: https://linkedin.com/in/simonsinek/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/simonsinek Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/simonsinek Simon’s books: The Infinite Game: https://simonsinek.com/product/the-in... Start With Why: https://simonsinek.com/product/start-... Find Your Why: https://simonsinek.com/product/find-your-why Leaders Eat Last: https://simonsinek.com/product/leader... Together is Better: https://simonsinek.com/product/togeth... + + + #SimonSinek

Build the world you imagine | Simon Sinek

We have over 600 muscles that make up between 1/3 and 1/2 of our body weight. They bind us together along with connective tissue and help us move.  Muscles need constant attention. The way you treat them on a daily basis will determine if they will wither or grow.

Muscles need attention to grow

When you expose your body to stress, such as pushing something heavy, your muscles experience microscopic damage. In response, the injured cells release inflammatory molecules called cytokines that activate the immune system to repair the injury. This is when muscle-building happens. The greater the damage to the muscle tissue, the more your body needs to repair itself. The cycle of damage and repair makes muscles bigger and stronger to adapt to greater demands.

Muscles stress

When your body has adapted to an activity, it won't produce enough stress to stimulate new muscle growth.  <ul><li>Hypertrophy, an increase in muscular size through exercise, is possible by exposing your cells to higher workloads than they are used to. </li><li>If you don't continuously expose your muscles to some resistance, they will shrink, known as muscular atrophy.</li><li>Exposing the muscle to a high degree of tension while the muscle is lengthening is called an eccentric contraction.</li></ul>

Hypertrophy, muscular atrophy and eccentric contraction

Without proper nutrition, hormones, and rest, your body will not be able to repair damaged muscle fibres.<ul><li>Protein in our diet preserves muscle mass. It provides the building blocks for new tissue in the form of amino acids.</li><li>Hormones such as insulin-like growth factors and testosterone shift the body into repair and growth.</li><li>However, this repair mainly happens when we're sleeping.</li></ul>

Muscles need proper nutrition and sleep

View full lesson: https://ed.ted.com/lessons/what-makes-muscles-grow-jeffrey-siegel We have over 600 muscles in our bodies that help bind us together, hold us up, and help us move. Your muscles also need your constant attention, because the way you treat them on a daily basis determines whether they will wither or grow. Jeffrey Siegel illustrates how a good mix of sleep, nutrition and exercise keep your muscles as big and strong as possible. Lesson by Jeffrey Siegel, animation by Brett Underhill.

exerciseandfitness

Exercise & Fitness

scienceandnature

Science & Nature

What makes muscles grow? - Jeffrey Siegel

Calories are a way of keeping track of the body's energy budget. A healthy balance is when we put in a similar amount of energy as we burn. If we consistently put more energy into our bodies than we use, the excess will gradually be stored in our cells as fat. That is when we'll gain weight. However, if we burn more energy than we put in, we'll lose weight. A calorie is a measurement we use to count the energy we consume.

Understanding calories

One large calorie is defined as the amount of energy it would take to raise the temperature of one kilogram of water by one degree Celsius.  Everything we consume has a calorie count - a measure of how much energy the item stores in its chemical bonds. For example, an apple has about 52 calories, and the average slice of pizza has 272 calories.

How to measure a calorie

Energy is released during digestion and stored in other molecules. It is then broken down to provide fuel to the body when needed. Energy is used in three ways:<ul><li>Roughly 10% enables digestion</li><li>About 20% fuels physical activity</li><li>Around 70% support the basic functions of our organs and tissues. </li></ul>

How a body's energy is used 

BMR is the number of calories you would need to survive.  The official guidelines for how many calories the average person requires each day are based on only the body's most basic functions. The MBR for women are 2000 calories and for men 2500 calories.  It is based on average weight, physical activity and muscle mass.  If you are doing activities such as cycling the Tour de France, your body could use up to 9000 calories per day.  Pregnancy requires only slightly more calories than usual, and elderly people need fewer calories as they typically burn energy more gradually.

Basal metabolic rate (BMR)

<ul><li>The calorie counts on nutrition labels measure how much energy the food contains, not how much energy you can actually get out of it.</li><li>Fibrous foods like whole-wheat take more energy to digest, meaning you'll get less energy from eating a 100 calorie serving than a 100 calorie serving of potato chips. </li><li>Different people might not get the same number of calories from eating the exact same food. It can vary based on enzyme levels, gut bacteria and intestine length.</li></ul>

Before you start counting calories

View full lesson: http://ed.ted.com/lessons/what-is-a-calorie-emma-bryce We hear about calories all the time: How many calories are in this cookie? How many are burned by doing 100 jumping jacks, or long-distance running, or fidgeting? But what is a calorie, really? And how many of them do we actually need? Emma Bryce explains how a few different factors should go into determining the recommended amount for each person. Lesson by Emma Bryce, animation by Qa'ed Mai.

food

Food

What is a calorie? - Emma Bryce

Yet, as important as conformity is, we are not very good at estimating group consensus. We assume the majority in a group are those with the loudest voices that are repeated the most often. Unfortunately, this can lead us to adopt beliefs that the majority never really held, resulting in collective illusions that become a reality.

We're hardwired to prefer to be with our group

When we deviate from the group, our brains trigger an 'error signal' that short circuits everything else to let you know something is fundamentally wrong, and you should pay attention. Public shaming is an example of punishing people who deviate from the group. However, group consensus is not a guarantee that it is a fact. It may be a collective illusion.  The group may not believe something, but you are willing to conform because you think the group agrees.

Conformity bias

History is full of examples of groups deviating in huge ways, and there's an enormous social cost. For example, in the 60s, most whites in the South no longer approved of segregation but were convinced that most white Southerners still favoured segregation.  Nobody was willing to challenge the belonging to their group, which allowed segregation to continue for many years. We have to create a space that allows respectful disagreement in productive ways.

Groups can err in huge ways

Thinking as a group and going along with the loudest voices can feel easy and even natural. But to make real positive change in our world, it’s important to hear all voices and question the perceived majority. Subscribe to Big Think on YouTube ► https://www.youtube.com/c/bigthink Up Next ► Why Americans don’t trust each other https://youtu.be/E4erHIZpnyQ Humans are hardwired to conform to the group. And that’s why it feels seamless to go along with what you perceive as the majority’s view. But as a leader and a changemaker, it’s critical to recognize that just because it feels like most people agree on an issue, that doesn’t mean they actually do. When you find yourself in a situation where a group of people is pushing forward on something you’re not so sure about, pause and question it. Are all voices being heard? Or are the loudest voices simply altering the group’s perception? If you want to make real change in your community, organization, or even your personal life, be sure to hear all voices and think critically outside of the group. Collective Illusions is a 9-part series brought to you by Stand Together: a community of changemakers tackling our biggest challenges. Learn more here: https://standtogether.org/ Read the video transcript ► https://bigthink.com/series/collective-illusions/conformity/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Todd Rose: Todd Rose is the co-founder and president of Populace, a think tank committed to ensuring that all people have the opportunity to pursue fulfilling lives in a thriving society. Prior to Populace, he was a faculty member at Harvard University where he founded the Laboratory for the Science of Individuality and directed the Mind, Brain, and Education program. Todd is the best selling author of Collective Illusions, Dark Horse, and The End of Average. He lives in Burlington, Massachusetts. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Read more of our stories on group conformity: The power of conformity: How good people do evil things ► https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/conformity-2/ Following the scientific consensus is the ‘least wrong’ line of thought ►https://bigthink.com/starts-with-a-bang/following-the-scientific-consensus-is-the-least-wrong-line-of-thought/ Why large groups of people often come to the same conclusions ► https://bigthink.com/neuropsych/groupthink/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- About Big Think | Smarter Faster™ ► Big Think The leading source of expert-driven, educational content. With thousands of videos, featuring experts ranging from Bill Clinton to Bill Nye, Big Think helps you get smarter, faster by exploring the big ideas and core skills that define knowledge in the 21st century. ► Big Think+ Make your business smarter, faster: https://bigthink.com/plus/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Want more Big Think? ► Daily editorial features: https://bigthink.com/popular/ ► Get the best of Big Think right to your inbox: https://bigthink.com/st/newsletter ► Facebook: https://bigth.ink/facebook ► Instagram: https://bigth.ink/Instagram ► Twitter: https://bigth.ink/twitter

3 Things You Need to Accept About Other People | The Mel Robbins Podcast

Michelle Obama has advice for girl's battling self-doubt

BREAK ADDICTION: Why You Feel Lost In Life & How To FIND YOURSELF! | Gabor Mate

The time you enjoy wasting, is not wasted time!

Give yourself permission to be creative | Ethan Hawke

Carson