Oftentimes, we get so wrapped up in how our behaviors affect others, we forget how our behaviors affect ourselves. It is in our nature as humans to want to be liked, particularly in our youth. Yet, over time, we start to lose our individuality without even noticing, with some even becoming so consumed by the personality (or personalities) that they have developed to please others, that they lose all semblance of self. While this loss is not noticed by our conscious minds, it is always apparent to our subconscious, and this loss of identity is rarely understood for what it truly is.

How People Pleasing Can Cost You Your Authenticity, And Yourself

More often than not, our brain tells us that this is our fault, that we are annoying, out-of-place, maybe even unlovable. And we believe it.The truth is much simpler... however, it is not easy to hear, and can be even harder to implement. The reason you feel annoying, unloved, and out-of-place is you, but not for the reasons you think. Over time you have lost any authentic reaction to situations in life. You may still be loving, and kind, but are you being honest? Would the you of your youth tolerate what the you of now does? Is this the best version of yourself?

The Truth

Maybe your friend was rude to a waiter, maybe your spouse or partner was belittling and dismissive. Maybe you see a stranger being mistreated, and you no longer have a desire to assist like you used to. Perhaps a loved one says something offensive "as a joke" and you let it go. Again. This is all conditioned loss of self. You feel that you're being honest, and authentic, and maybe to some degree you are. But to whom?In order to regain your truest self, to stop feeling annoying, to stop feeling out-of-place or unloved, you have to love and honor yourself.

The What

If something makes you uncomfortable, speak up or walk away. If someone is being rude or dismissive, speak up or walk away. Over time, you will feel less annoying, less out-of-place. Not because those same people treat you differently, but because you treat yourself differently. Someone is annoyed by your presence? Thats okay. Thank them for their authenticity, and leave. Feeling out-of-place in a crowd? Perfect. Find a new crowd.

The How

Those feelings of "not good enough" are exactly what you need to move differently. Make new friends, move somewhere new, give yourself room to breathe. Protect yourself, honor yourself, listen to yourself. You deserve to feel loved, understood, and wanted.And guess what, it starts with you.Love, understand, and want, yourself first.Listen to your gut reactions, learn to recognize your body leaning away from someone, realize the moments you disassociate, and give people your honest opinions and reactions.Be okay with walking away, or moving on, or being honest even when others may not agree.

The When

When you are authentic with yourself, you can have real growth with the world around you.No more hiding feelings, no more withdrawing out of worry or fear, no more allowance of what you do not deserve. As the saying goes, your vibe attracts your tribe.If you want to find your people, you have to connect, or reconnect, with yourself first. This is your reminder to be authentic to you, no matter what. Be authentic to you .

Alexandra Hill on Sep 05

Alexandra Hill