What is it about self-control that makes it so difficult to rely on? Self-control is a skill we all possess (honest); yet we tend to give ourselves little credit for it. Self-control is so fleeting for most that when Martin Seligman and his colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania surveyed two million people and asked them to rank order their strengths in 24 different skills, self-control ended up in the very bottom slot (for the record, self-control is a key component of emotional intelligence).

When it comes to self-control, it is so easy to focus on our failures that our successes tend to pale in comparison. And why shouldn't they? Self-control is an effort that's intended to help achieve a goal. Failing to control yourself is just that-a failure. If you're trying to avoid digging into that bag of chips after dinner because you want to lose a few pounds and you succeed Monday and Tuesday nights only to succumb to temptation on Wednesday by eating four servings' worth of the empty calories, your failure outweighs your success. You've taken two steps forward and four steps back.

With this success/failure dichotomy in mind, I give you six strategies for self-control that come straight from new research conducted at Florida State University. Some are obvious, others counter intuitive, but all will help you eliminate those pesky failures and ensure your efforts to boost your willpower are successful enough to keep you headed in the right direction for achieving your goals.

Meditation actually trains your brain to become a self-control machine (and it improves your emotional intelligence). Even simple techniques like mindfulness, which involves taking as little as five minutes a day to focus on nothing more than your breathing and your senses, improves your self-awareness and your brain's ability to resist destructive impulses. Buddhist monks appear calm and in control for a reason.

File this one in the counter intuitive category, especially if you're having trouble controlling your eating. Your brain burns heavily into your stores of glucose when attempting to exert self-control. If your blood sugar is low, you are far more likely to succumb to destructive impulses. Sugary foods spike your sugar levels quickly and leave you drained and vulnerable shortly thereafter. Eating something that provides a slow burn for your body, such as whole grain rice or meat, will give you a longer window of self-control. So, if you're having trouble keeping yourself out of the company candy bin when you're hungry, make sure you eat something else if you want to have a fighting chance.

Getting your body moving for as little as 10 minutes releases GABA, a neurotransmitter that makes your brain feel soothed and keeps you in control of your impulses. If you're having trouble resisting the impulse to walk over to the office next door to let somebody have it, just keep on walking. You should have the impulse under control by the time you get back.

When you are tired, your brain cells' ability to absorb glucose is highly diminished. As I explained in Secret #1, your brain's ability to control impulses is nil without glucose. What's worse, without enough sleep you are more likely to crave sugary snacks to compensate for low glucose levels. So, if you're trying to exert self-control over your eating, getting a good night's sleep-every night-is one of the best moves you can make.

Desire has a strong tendency to ebb and flow like the tide. When the impulse you need to control is strong, waiting out this wave of desire is usually enough to keep yourself in control. The rule of thumb here is to wait at least 10 minutes before succumbing to temptation. You'll often find that the great wave of desire is now little more than a ripple that you have the power to step right over.

A vicious cycle of failing to control oneself followed by feeling intense self-hatred and disgust is common in attempts at self-control. These emotions typically lead to over-indulging in the offending behavior. When you slip up, it is critical that you forgive yourself and move on. Don't ignore how the mistake makes you feel; just don't wallow in it. Instead, shift your attention to what you're going to do to improve yourself in the future.

The important thing to remember is you have to give these strategies the opportunity to work. This means recognizing the moments where you are struggling with self-control and, rather than giving in to impulse, taking a look at the Six Secrets and giving them a go before you give in. It takes time to increase your emotional intelligence, but the new habits you form with effort can last a lifetime.

VideoWhat is it about self-control that makes it so difficult to rely on? Self-control is a skill we all possess (honest); yet we tend to give ourselves little credit for it. Self-control is so fleeting for most that when Martin Seligman and his colleagues at the University of Pennsylvania surveyed [...]

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The Six Secrets of Self-Control

For most people, taking a break means 15 minutes to grab a coffee or a weekend out of town. But more research is showing that to do our best work, we need to do less of it. And not just in a cram-more-into-the-workday sense. Instead, the key to successful, productive work days might just be something called deliberate rest . As Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less , <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/q-a-why-a-rested-brain-is-more-creative/">explains: </a> "Work and rest are actually partners. They are like different parts of a wave. You can't have the high without the low. The better you are at resting, the better you will be at working."

For most people, taking a break means 15 minutes to grab a coffee or a weekend out of town. But more research is showing that to do our best work, we need to do less of it. And not just in a cram-more-into-the-workday sense. Instead, the key to successful, productive work days might just be something called deliberate rest . As Alex Soojung-Kim Pang, author of Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less , <a href="https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/q-a-why-a-rested-brain-is-more-creative/">explains: </a> So just what is deliberate rest? And how can we use it to make sure our downtime is as productive as our working time?

Some of the most successful people in history have worked the shortest hours. Charles Darwin, Stephen King, and Maya Angelou have produced massive, influential bodies of work, without needing to work 40, 50, or 60+ hour weeks. But for most of us, the idea that we can work less and still hit our <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/mental-strategies-long-term-goals/">long term goals </a>seems counterintuitive. There's lots of reasons why this is the common belief, but here's a few of the big ones: <ul><li>We think more work should equal more output: Most industries champion long working hours in some way or another. And we see productivity not as doing more with less. But simply doing more. </li><li>We're afraid of being "left behind": In our competitive <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/work-environment/">work environment </a>, the thought of taking time off is scary. Not only could we miss out on some important conversation, but we worry that we'll be left behind. </li><li>Work has become a larger part of our identity: Perhaps most importantly, we feel personally connected to the work we do. Taking time away opens up all sorts of questions that can be hard to face. And even harder to answer. As Soojun-Kim Pang <a href="http://www.deliberate.rest/?p=22">puts it </a>, "When your work is your self, when you cease work, you cease to exist." </li> </ul>

The problem with all these reasons is that they defer to short-term thinking. The majority of productive people cite being able to break free from that short-term mentality as the breakthrough in their work. Worse, short-term thinking is one of the biggest causes of workplace stress and <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/burnout-syndrome-recovery/">burnout </a>. We find it too easy to say "Sure, I'll work those extra hours this week," when there's probably a better option. Deliberate rest solves both these issues. Not only does it give your mind and body some much-needed downtime. But it allows you to use your time away from work to build the skills, connections, and mentality you need to eventually hit your long-term goals.

Deliberate rest is a play on the term "deliberate practice" which describes the method of continually and systematically challenging yourself when you're practicing a skill (rather than just running through what you feel comfortable with). So, instead of kicking back with Netflix and a cold beverage, deliberate rest means engaging with restful activities that are often vigorous and mentally engaging. True. If you think of rest as simply the absence of work, then deliberate rest sounds more like a continuation of your workday. But in reality, what we're talking about is finding activities that let you recharge from your workday, while still being mentally productive.

Or, as Alex Soojun-Kim Pang describes it in his Deliberate Rest <a href="http://www.deliberate.rest/?p=22">Manifesto </a> : "Deliberate rest helps you recover from the stresses and exhaustion of the day, allows new experiences and lessons to settle in your memory, and gives your subconscious mind space to keep working." Take Winston Churchill, for example. After the First World War, Churchill took up painting, which he described in his book Painting as a Pastime as being very much like politics. It requires the same kind of boldness and decisiveness. You need to have a clear vision of what is in front of you and what you want to achieve. And yet, at the same time, it's incredibly restorative, letting you express your creativity and put your cares aside.

For Churchill, painting wasn't a form of escapism. But a new and restorative way to explore his skills. It's not easy to find your version of deliberate rest. As Scott Belsky, co-founder of Behance, argues, we all seem to <a href="https://99u.adobe.com/articles/6947/what-happened-to-downtime-the-extinction-of-deep-thinking-sacred-space">crave distraction over downtime </a>: "During these temporary voids of distraction, our minds return to the uncertainty and fears that plague all of us. . . . Our insatiable need to tune into information-at the expense of savoring our downtime-is a form of 'work' that we do to reassure ourselves." But if you can break free and find activities that both rejuvenate and excite you, you'll be in a better position to do your best work.

Here's a few ideas of strategies and places you can explore when finding your own version of deliberate rest: Busywork is the enemy of deliberate rest. And <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/feeling-overwhelmed/">the more available you are </a>to requests, emails, and messages, the more likely you'll be to give up on your resting time. As Scott Belsky writes in his essay, <a href="https://99u.adobe.com/articles/6947/what-happened-to-downtime-the-extinction-of-deep-thinking-sacred-space#comments">What happened to downtime? </a> "Back in the day when the TV became a staple of every American home, parents started mandating time for their children to read. 'TV time' became a controlled endeavor because, otherwise, it would consume every waking moment. Now, every waking moment is 'connected time,' and we need to start controlling it. We need some rules."

Here's a few ideas of strategies and places you can explore when finding your own version of deliberate rest: Busywork is the enemy of deliberate rest. And <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/feeling-overwhelmed/">the more available you are </a>to requests, emails, and messages, the more likely you'll be to give up on your resting time. As Scott Belsky writes in his essay, <a href="https://99u.adobe.com/articles/6947/what-happened-to-downtime-the-extinction-of-deep-thinking-sacred-space#comments">What happened to downtime? </a> For Neil Pasricha, best-selling author of The Happiness Equation , he finds deliberate rest in what he calls <a href="https://hbr.org/2018/03/why-you-need-an-untouchable-day-every-week">untouchable days </a>-24 hours where he is completely unreachable and free to explore whatever hobby, project, or work he wants to:

"Untouchable Days have become my secret weapon to getting back on track. They're how I complete my most creative and rewarding work. To share a rough comparison, on a day when I write between meetings, I'll produce maybe 500 words a day. On an Untouchable Day, it's not unusual for me to write 5,000 words. On these days, I'm 10 times more productive."

A day a month might seem impossible given your <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/daily-schedule/">daily schedule </a>. Which is why Neil suggests scheduling them far in advance (his are booked at least 16 weeks ahead). This way, you know it's not interrupting other scheduled tasks, and it's locked in and non-negotiable. <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/meaningful-work-guide/">Meaningful careers </a>are built on important, yet non-urgent tasks. Things like exploring new skills, <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/ben-lang-interview-consistency/">finishing side projects </a>, or sharing your work and engaging with your community. Unfortunately, those things are usually the first to go when the stress of work comes down. Deliberate rest offers you an opportunity to catch up on these tasks that are meaningful, yet easily shoved aside.

As Jaideep Bensal, writes on <a href="https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2017/11/should-you-take-a-sabbatical/">the World Economic Forum </a>: "What we need to understand is that when working in any company, we need to think long-term. A timely break has the potential to rejuvenate and inspire us. Once back with a clear mind, we can see the path forward and further engage as a more productive resource." The stress of the workplace doesn't lend itself to long-term thinking. But during deliberate rest, you can let go, relax, and find space to explore. According to Rest author Alex Soojung-Kim Pang:

Deliberate rest doesn't just have to be work-related, either. We all have plenty of important yet not urgent things on our life to-do lists that will help us feel accomplished and productive. Humans are social creatures. Yet when we feel exhausted after a long day of work, we often want to <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/disconnect-from-work/">recharge </a>in isolation. And while it might feel good to hide away from time to time, it's not the best way to refuel our creativity, happiness, and motivation. In a number of studies, Oscar Ybarra of the University of Michigan found that people who engaged in social interaction <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/02/080215135707.htm">showed higher levels of cognitive performance </a>:

This doesn't mean that you should pick up the phone or go out with friends during all periods of rest. (In fact, <a href="https://blogs.scientificamerican.com/beautiful-minds/both-introverts-and-extraverts-get-exhausted-from-too-much-socializing/">new studies have proven </a>that both introverts and extroverts get drained when they have to talk to too many people). But simply that a conversation with someone who makes you feel good can give you a cognitive boost you can carry with you.

When it comes down to it, deliberate rest is simply what its name implies: Being just as purposeful about what you do when you're not working as when you are. As Soojung-Kim Pang explains: "When you learn how to balance work and rest, you can sustain a higher level of productivity and creativity." Building a meaningful career isn't a sprint. It's a lifelong journey. And the only shortcut towards your long term goals is to <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/weekly-roundup-meaningful-breaks/">take breaks </a>, rest when needed, and explore <a href="https://blog.rescuetime.com/motivation-to-hit-goals/">what motivates you </a>. Not what distracts you.

For most people, taking a break means 15 minutes to grab a coffee or a weekend out of town. But more research is showing that to do our best work, we need to do less of it. And not just in a cram-more-into-the-workday sense.

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Deliberate Rest: What it is and how you can use it to recharge

by Yash Chavan As a curious person, I constantly find myself reading and learning about new things. So I picked up this book <a href="https://barbaraoakley.com/books/a-mind-for-numbers/">A Mind for Numbers by Barbara Oakley </a>to enhance and elevate my learning process. This blog post is my take on the ten most important things I think that learners should implement.

Every task has a certain Activation Energy ( AE ). Say you want to practice playing the guitar. You have to get up, dust the old guitar, tune it, pick the plectrum up, and start strumming. All these make up the AE of the task of playing a guitar. The higher the AE of something, the less likely are you to start doing the task. Take steps to reduce the AE of a new habit you want to start. Place the tuned guitar in your living room so you have it handy. Want to start exercising every morning? Have your shoes and weights ready the previous night. Wanna read more? Keep a book at your desk. Reach for the book when you feel like checking your phone. Once you reduce the AE of new habits you want to form, it is easier to get started.

Getting started is all that counts, as most people don't start ; ) Ever been writing an exam and you kinda know theanswer? You know the bits and pieces of what forms the answer, but you cannot put it all together? This is an example of learning without chunking effectively. A memory chunk is a solid connection in your mind that relates various bits and pieces of information. A chunk is a series of thoughts that follows you directly as you starting thinking about the fundamental concepts. Focus on the concept you want to form a chunk of, think about it, and make sure you eliminate all distractions while doing this. Next up, write down the basic ideas of what the concept is all about. Usually it boils down to having a strong understanding of the simplest concepts. Build up from these fundamentals to, finally, create a chunk!

Just forming chunks is not sufficient. You have to maintain them. The more you look after the chunks, the longer they last. Especially when it comes to subjects like mathematics and the sciences, you cannot leave it at the first read. In order to absorb the material well, you need to review the material and practice the problems on your own. Of course, all this might be boring, but it's worth the trouble.

While you are reviewing the material, don't passively read it. Make sure you recall. The act of retrieval via recall enhances deep understanding of the subject. A good place to start recalling what you learnt might be anywhere except where you studied it. This helps you strengthen the grasp of the material as you recall it from a different perspective. Learning in the library and recalling at home would be an example use case of this technique.

You almost have it. The clock says 2 am. Three cups of coffee down. You've devoted the past 4 hours on solving this very problem. This one breakthrough has the potential to get you an "A" on the assignment, resolve a major roadblock in your research, or make you millions. So you stick to it, waiting for the "aha!" moment.

It is morning now. 7 am. There was no breakthrough, you didn't sleep at night. Now you're groggy and spend the rest of today cursing yourself for how terrible you are at what you do. Major mistake! Whenever you face a problem, this is a roadblock in whatever you are trying to solve. Pause. Take a break. Sleep. Clean your room. Do anything except work on the problem. This takes your brain into its "diffuse mode" - this mode works on the things you have been focusing on in the background. Come back to the problem later.

Have you ever been working on something you couldn't figure out, then slept and "dreamt about it"? This is your diffuse mode at work. So take it easy, take a nap, and you'll have some direction on what you're trying to solve. And you never know, it might as well get you an "A" on the assignment, resolve a major research roadblock, or make you a million dollars!

Whom would you call a procrastinator? A procrastinator is a person who has a habit of getting distracted by things and temporary pleasures (beep! bloop!, ding-ding! ). These do not contribute to the task that must be done at this very moment. Did you catch the magic word there? Habit . Procrastination is a bad habit. Just like any other bad habit, the habit of procrastination can be changed for the better. Habits consist of 4 key factors:

The cue can be your phone buzzing with notifications. Your routine is to reach out to the phone and check it. The reward is the temporary dopamine spike that you get after seeing four new likes on your Instagram post. The belief is that the distracting habit makes you happy, and so you can never change this habit. Habits have power over you because of your belief in them. If you change your belief, you can change your habits!

The number one thing you can do to not procrastinate is to eliminate distractions . Don't keep your phone near you when you work. Block all entertainment websites during your scheduled work time. Another key to reduce procrastination is the Cue-Routine transition behaviour. Actively notice what you do in response to certain distracting cues. BING! Wanna check that phone desperately? Don't. Resist the urge to reach out to it. Be mentally strong enough to focus intently on the work at hand. Your future self will thank you.

You wake up. Check your to-do list, and make a mental note of what you have to do for the day. You start working on time (great!) but, at the end of the day, some items are left undone. Off to postponing tasks to tomorrow. Presuming that you have a realistic to-do list, this is what is preventing you from completing the tasks on your list. Once you start getting something done, your brain starts thinking that it deserves something. A reward, one episode, one look at the meme your friend tagged you in. And you are back into the procrastination spiral.

One way to tackle this is to set an ending time to tasks. You know, you do most of your work right before the deadline. Setting a micro deadline for daily tasks holds your brain accountable to the tick of the clock. Most people set a starting time for tasks and drop into procrastination loops. Setting an end time would help you do stuff on time.

This one is about memorization and recall. The #1 thing you need to do to correctly memorize concepts is understand them. To successfully understand something, visualizing it is key. Feel it. Want to memorize the physical equation for work? W = F*d . Don't think of it as it is, in terms of the letters F and d . Visualize instead. Picture yourself pushing a cart, what are you doing? You are applying force to the cart and the cart is moving ahead by some distance. The work you do is proportional to the Force you apply ( F ) and the distance you move the cart for (displacement, d ). F*d . Done.

As a kid, you might have been asked to do "actions" while you were reciting poetry. I found that weird. Weirdness aside, there's a reason for that. Certain places and actions help us remember things. We associate events with actions and places. You can use actions or things to remember equations as well!

We have evolved as a visual and spatial species. We had to hunt and kill for a living. We needed spatial skills to understand how you should shoot the arrow, throw the spear. We had to visually remember how the poisonous plant looked. This is how we evolved, so take advantage of your primal traits.

Metaphors give you a tracing paper for the pattern you want to draw. Sure, you can draw the pattern yourself, but having the tracing paper is useful. *Boom* , I just used a metaphor to explain why you should use metaphors. Hit some claps for that. Metaphors will help you understand and recall more easily. You take something obvious from your memory, and see how it is related to the new concept you are trying to learn. You are tracing over the preexisting neural pathways to create a stronger, more relatable view of the new concept.

Want to understand how current flows around in a circuit? Think of a water pump. The pressure is the voltage. The difference in pressure causes the water to move - the difference in voltage causes electrons to move. The pump itself is like the battery, it generates the pressure aka voltage. The flow of water is the current.

When you think of concepts in this manner, they are etched in your memory in a much better way than if you take them at face value. Learning should always be self-motivated, otherwise it isn't real learning. If you live in a country like India, there is a high probability that whatever you are studying now in school or college was forced onto you. What schools fail to understand is that learning does not happen by sheer force and fear of failing. Learning should be learner-centered.

If you are stuck in unimportant courses you do not like, don't focus on them. Start learning what you want, since that is what actually matters - that is what you must care about. People learn when they are self-motivated, not when someone comes in front of them for four hours a week, and tells something to them. Mathematics, art, and science are not observer games. You have to do .

Self drive yourself - even cars do that. Learn what you want. You learn the best when you learn on your own. Transfer learning (yes, machine learning pun intended) is the ability to take what you learn in one domain and apply it to a new skill. If you already know how to play a musical instrument, learning a new one would be easy for you. Learn in an abstract manner. When you learn something in order to apply it to an application, you are restricted to that domain. Learn the abstract concept first. This is one of the reasons why I took a linear algebra course before I jumped to machine learning. Engineering and business-related studies naturally gravitate toward a more application specific approach. This tends to restrict you.

Learn to apply old skills to new skills and vice versa. Santiago Ramón y Cajal was a Spanish neuroscientist who had a hobby of painting. Once he was done observing cells in his lab, he would draw them! This helped him understand them better. Cajal is called the "Father of Neuroscience". If he did it, you should too.

Once you transfer your learning, neural pathways associated with both concepts become stronger and improve your understanding of each. If you've made it this far through the blog, I love you. Here's another tip: You have a test tomorrow morning at 9 am. You decide to stay up till 3 am to study for it. You cannot miss getting two points less than your overly competitive friend. So you make coffee, and you're hustling all night for the test. Fast forward two days, results are out. You scored no better than last time despite pulling an all-nighter. What went wrong, you ask?

The very fact that you stayed up all night is what went wrong. What you did was cram, you did not understand. There was no chunking , all your brain saw was words and numbers that did not make sense to it. Lack of sleep affects memory and recall. Your brain is a muscle. If you run a marathon, your legs need rest. Your brain runs a marathon every single day. It needs a minimum of 7-8 hours of "rest". Prepare for tests early on, do not save it for the night before. If you are the kind of person who is passionate about the stuff you do, it is tempting to stay up late to complete the tasks you love. But you must sleep . Sleep helps your brain get into the diffuse mode and thus gets creative ideas about your ongoing projects cooking. A good sleep improves your focus, and helps you better understand what you learnt throughout the day.

REM sleep can help you improve your declarative memory - memory based on complex factual information. Thus, getting good sleep is especially useful for students who have to deal with facts and figures. So sleep! It is not a waste of time. It affects you more than you think it does. Thanks for reading! I hope this helped you. Leave some of them claps if you liked it! Do you have your own tricks that you use? Leave them in the comments below :)

by Yash Chavan Science-backed methods to keep in mind when you're learning new things Photo by Alexis Brown [https://unsplash.com/photos/omeaHbEFlN4?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText] on Unsplash [https://unsplash.com/search/photos/learn?utm_source=unsplash&utm_medium=referral&utm_content=creditCopyText] As a curious person, I constantly find myself reading and learning about new things. So I picked up this book A Mind for Numbers by Barbara Oakley [https://ba

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Science-backed methods to keep in mind when you're learning new things

11 min read Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own. What's the secret to happiness? That can differ according to the person involved. But we do know that happy people have different habits and think differently than those who are miserable. So, the good news is, if you're trying to be one of those happy people, recognize that that desired emotion comes from within and that you have the power to literally turn that frown upside down by mastering some simple habits.

Related: <a href="https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/289124">5 Actions You Can Take to Increase Your Happiness Quotient </a> Here's what happy people do and don't do . . . Do old cliches like "stopping to smell the roses" and "it's the little things in life" really lead to happiness? Yep. <a href="http://time.com/59684/the-simple-thing-that-makes-the-happiest-people-in-the-world-so-happy/">Researchers </a>call this "savoring," which is all about paying attention to the moment. Instead of multitasking and being focused on the past and future and on the present negativity all around, those of us who are most satisfied with our lives stop to enjoy the beauty and the small, amazing things in life.

Meditation is one of the most effective ways to embark on a path of stillness and mindfulness, which, in turn, gives your mind a much needed break from all those worries and anxieties occupying it. Best of all? It takes only a couple of minutes each day. To start out, you can download an app like <a href="https://www.calm.com/meditate?source=homepage">Calm </a>, <a href="http://www.stopbreathethink.org/">Stop, Breathe &amp; Think </a>, or <a href="https://insighttimer.com/">Insight Timer </a>.

Forgiving and forgetting is absolutely necessary when it comes to happiness. The reason? Holding a grudge means that you're hanging on to anger, resentment, pain and other negative emotions that are roadblocks to happiness. By letting go of these emotions, you free yourself from negativity so there's more space for positive emotions to get in.

Related: <a href="https://www.entrepreneur.com/article/252404">3 Strategies for Hacking Happiness </a> "We've shown in our research that giving money to others actually does make people happier," <a href="https://www.forbes.com/sites/hbsworkingknowledge/2013/08/21/to-buy-happiness-spend-money-on-others/#3301bf7c7664">said </a>Michael Norton, an associate professor of marketing at Harvard Business School and author of Happy Money: The Science of Smarter Spending . "One of the reasons is that it creates social connections. If you have a nice car and a big house on an island by yourself, you're not going to be happy, because we need people to be happy. But by giving to another person, you're . . . creating a connection and a conversation with that person, and those things are really good for happiness."

I've learned myself that true friendships require investment. This doesn't always mean money, but it does require a lot of your time. Truly happy people spend time (and money) on their relationships: <a href="http://giftologybook.com/">Giftology book </a>and gifting expert John Ruhlin has written about this topic. <a href="http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11205-012-0133-6">Research </a>shows that feeling "rushed" can lead to stress and unhappiness. At the same time, people struggle with finding that happy medium of being just busy enough. After all, other <a href="http://www.springer.com/about+springer/media/springer+select?SGWID=0-11001-6-1280921-0">studies </a>suggest that a healthy work-life balance is key, since boredom can be burdensome. If you're over-committed or too scattered, follow this rule entrepreneur <a href="https://sivers.org/hellyeah">Derek Sivers </a>included on his site: "When deciding whether to do something, if you feel anything less than 'Wow! That would be amazing! Absolutely! Hell yeah!' -- then say 'no.'"

<a href="https://hms.harvard.edu/news/harvard-medicine/contagion-happiness">Happiness is contagious </a>. This means that when you surround yourself with other people who are happy and supportive, you'll be able to build self-confidence, boost your creativity and just have more fun in general. On the other end of the spectrum, hanging out with negative people means you're just another member of their pity party -- and that's exhausting and not much fun.

People who are happy focus their energy and efforts only on things that are truly important and within their control. Remember, getting consumed by the things that you have absolutely no control over is a waste of time that will end up making you lean more toward the miserable side. In other words, master the <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-twardowski/how-to-let-go_b_7219078.html">art of letting it go </a>.

It's no secret that that having both a rich social life and healthy relationships is an important component to happiness. But, happy people nurture and improve their relationships through "active and constructive" responding, which includes celebrating the success of those around them.

As Martin Seligman explained in his book <a href="http://www.developgoodhabits.com/Flourish-Understanding-Happiness">Flourish </a>: "People we care about often tell us about a victory, a triumph, and less momentous good things that happen to them. How we respond can either build the relationship or undermine it. There are four basic ways of responding, only one of which builds relationships."

Kindness, like happiness, is contagious. There's even a name for it: "moral elevation." A <a href="https://helix.northwestern.edu/article/kindness-contagious-new-study-finds">study </a>conducted by researchers at the University of California-Los Angeles, and the universities of Cambridge and Plymouth in the United Kingdom found that witnessing acts of kindness makes us feel warm and fuzzy inside.

"When you feel this sense of moral 'elevation,' not only do you say you want to be a better person and help others," said Simone Schnall, of Cambridge, the lead researcher. "But you actually do, when the opportunity presents itself." Let's be honest: Bad things happen to all of us -- even the happiest and most upbeat people on the planet. The thing is, they don't complain, whine or let pessimism become a self-fulling prophecy. They remain optimistic by focusing on solutions to the problem and reflecting on what they're grateful for.

<a href="http://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2010/02/sci-brief.aspx">Evidence </a>suggests that most relationships (especially marriages) decline over time. But, happy people actually work on maintaining these relationships by checking in on loved ones, being active and constructive listeners and not being conversational narcissists. You've probably heard this a zillion times. But getting quality sleep is absolutely necessary. If you need a refresher, sleep deprivation can negatively impact your health, productivity and ability to cope with stressful situations.<a href="https://due.com/blog/5-tips-for-sleeping-better-at-night/">If you have trouble getting a good night's rest </a>, start by sticking to a sleep schedule, taking advantage of natural light, avoiding bright lights before bed, exercising and not eating or drinking alcohol close to bedtime.

Nature has a calming effect and reminds us to slow down, take deep breaths and soak up the present. "People have been discussing their profound experiences in nature for the last several 100 years -- from Thoreau to John Muir to many other writers," <a href="https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_nature_makes_you_kinder_happier_more_creative">said </a>researcher David Strayer, of the University of Utah. "Now, we are seeing changes in the brain and changes in the body that suggest we are physically and mentally more healthy when we are interacting with nature."

Simply put, take the time stroll through a park, visit the beach or hike a trail. Happy people have changed their internal dialogue so that when there's a problem, they view it as a challenge and new opportunity to enhance their lives. In fact, you should just go ahead and eliminate the word "problem" from your mind altogether "'Treats' may sound like a self-indulgent, frivolous strategy, but it's not. Because, forming good habits can be draining, treats can play an important role," <a href="https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/12/13/psychology-rewarding-yourself-with-treats/">wrote </a>Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project .

"When we give ourselves treats, we feel energized, cared for and contented, which boosts our self-command -- and self-command helps us maintain our healthy habits," Rubin wrote. She continued: "Studies show that people who got a little treat, in the form of receiving a surprise gift or watching a funny video, gained in self-control. It's a Secret of Adulthood: If I give more to myself, I can ask more from myself. Self-regard isn't selfish." <a href="http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/pdfs/GratitudePDFs/6Emmons-BlessingsBurdens.pdf">Research </a>conducted at the University of California-Davis shows that those studied who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude improved their mood and energy, and experienced substantially less anxiety. This is most likely due to lower cortisol levels. So express gratitude every morning, writing in a journal about what you're thankful for, and occasionally saying "thank you" to your loved ones and colleagues.

The happiest individuals dream big and work hard to turn those dreams into achievable goals. They're committed and disciplined, and they know their iorities: They allow themselves to say "no," take care of their health, break out of their comfort zones and accept the fact that they may have to start over.

While relationships are important to one's happiness, we all need some alone time in order to catch up with, well, ourselves. Spending time alone gives you the chance to unpack your worries and anxieties, reflect on what you're grateful for and get back on track with your dreams and desires. I try to schedule weekly solo dates, usually first thing in the morning before everyone else is awake, to check in with myself.

It's incredibly easy to blame someone for your failures. The problem is that this doesn't allow you to let go and move past those failures. Happy people take responsibility for their mistakes and use that failure as an opportunity to change their lives for the better. When it comes to personality, individuals fall into one of two camps: those with a fixed mindset or those with a growth mindset. People with a fixed mindset believe you are who you are, and there's nothing you can do about it. That's a problem because it prevents them from growing or changing.

People with a growth mindset, however, believe that with a little effort, they can improve, which in turn makes them happy because they're better suited to cope with and overcome challenges. A variety of <a href="http://psycnet.apa.org/index.cfm?fa=buy.optionToBuy&amp;uid=2009-24670-006">research </a>sources show that people are happier when buying experiences instead of material items. This is because experiences tend to improve over time; people revisit those experiences more often; experiences can be unique; and they involve social interaction. Furthermore, materialism can have negative effects. In her book <a href="http://www.developgoodhabits.com/Myths-of-Happiness">The Myths of Happiness </a>, Sonja Lyubomirsky explained: "A mountain of research has shown that materialism depletes happiness; threatens satisfaction with our relationships; harms the environment; renders us less friendly, likable and empathetic; and makes us less likely to help others and contribute to our communities."

Morning rituals are soothing and set the stage for how your day is going to play out. Whether you're meditating, going for a walk, reading an inspirational book, writing a gratitude journal, cooking a healthy breakfast or catching-up on emails, it's important that you create and stick to a morning ritual.

Since the body and mind are connected, it makes sense that you if aren't taking care of yourself physically, you're going to suffer mentally and emotionally. Start by getting quality sleep every night, eating a well-balanced diet, exercising regularly and finding healthy ways to decompress and alleviate stress.

Research has shown that using our "signature strengths" makes us feel happier and more fulfilled. As Shawn Achor explained in his book <a href="http://www.developgoodhabits.com/Happiness-Advantage-Principles-Psychology-Performance">The Happiness Advantage </a>: "When 577 volunteers were encouraged to pick one of their signature strengths and use it in a new way each day for a week, they became significantly happier and less depressed than control groups.

"And these benefits lasted: Even after the experiment was over, their levels of happiness remained heightened a full six months later. Studies have shown that the more you use your signature strengths in daily life, the happier you become." Happy people skip the small talk and engage in deep conversations. In fact, this has been backed by research. In <a href="http://www.developgoodhabits.com/Pursuing-Good-Life-Psychology">Pursuing The Good Life </a>, Christopher Peterson wrote: "First, happier participants spent more time talking to others, an unsurprising finding given the social basis of happiness. Second, the extent of small talk was negatively associated with happiness.

11 min read Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own. What's the secret to happiness? That can differ according to the person involved. But we do know that happy people have different habits and think differently than those who are miserable.

Understand yourself and those around you.

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25 Habits of Successful and Extremely Happy People

<a href="https://i0.wp.com/dariusforoux.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/assertive.png?fit=665%2C499&amp;ssl=1"><img src="https://i0.wp.com/dariusforoux.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/assertive.png?resize=665%2C435&amp;ssl=1"/> </a> I learned to be assertive from my mother. She always expresses her feelings, is comfortable with saying no, acts in her family's best interest, and also thinks about the common good. She's the most assertive person I know. No one can take advantage of her. If you try, she will let you know about it. And you won't like it. What is assertiveness actually? Robert E. Alberti and Michael L. Emmons are considered the lead experts in this field. Their book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1626259607/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=dariusforoux-20&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=1626259607&amp;linkId=41e7f994c37dd64ed83e201f2e5551e6">Your Perfect Right </a>, first published in 1970, is considered a classic on the topic. They define assertive behavior as follows:

In general, there are three types of behavior: <ol><li>Passive : Indirect, dishonest, does not take control, is nice at all cost, focuses on others. </li><li>Assertive : Direct, honest, self-worth, to the point, focuses on the self, respects others. </li><li>Aggressive : Harmful, egocentric, will to win at any cost, justifies the means, wants to control others. </li> </ol>

If you watch our society, most behavior happens at the extremes. How often do you experience dishonesty at home, with your friends, and at work? It's not always because people have evil intentions. Too often, it's because most people are passive. They are afraid of the confrontation, and instead, they prefer to lie.

But there are also a lot of aggressive people. People say that aggression is becoming more common in the world. I don't know about that, but I do know that no one wants to be around aggressive people. The middle is where you want to be. You want to be respectful, firm, and not aggressive. That's what assertiveness is all about. But how do you become more assertive? Like anything in life you want to improve, you must practice. And the best way to practice is on aggressive people and in confrontational situations.

Next time you experience a stressful situation or when you must deal with an aggressive person, do the following: Detach from the person and situation. Tell yourself you're observing the situation. You never want to get emotionally involved. That's the most important thing if you want to be more assertive. And once you're detached, you simply get to the point. I know this sounds vague, so let me give you an example. The other day I called a construction company that's supposed to fix a leakage problem I had at my apartment. The guy tried to brush me off and wasn't too subtle about it: "We don't have anyone right now."

I paused, detached from the situation, realized it wasn't personal, and said: "What am I supposed to do? Let everything go to waste when it rains? What would you do?" It went on like that for a while until he finally said, "Alright, fine, I'll come by myself." Two hours later, he came to my apartment and fixed the leakage. Problem solved. Often, we escalate situations that are not necessarily bad. That's because we allow them to become personal. But we must realize that other people have their own issues. It's never personal. Or, we do the opposite: We do everything to avoid escalation. But that only works against us.

In the past, if something like this happened, I would say, "Okay. When can you send someone over?" And then I had to wait. That's classic passivity. In this world, you have to be assertive to get what you want. You don't have to act like a bully, but you have to be a little demanding. I see it as honesty. I was simply honest with that guy. I had a problem that needed to be fixed. When we become more assertive, we need to be careful not to overdo it. Otherwise, we risk becoming aggressive or overly dominant. <a href="https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/05/190506080831.htm">Recent research </a>showed that informal leaders were more liked and respected when they had "a moderate amount of assertiveness and warmth."

That's very accurate. When we are too nice, we risk that people take advantage of us. When we are too aggressive, we push people away. But if we're direct and are respectful to people at the same time, we can get much more done together. Unfortunately, you only become more assertive by being more assertive. <a href="https://dariusforoux.com/if-you-rest-you-rust/">You must practice. </a>What helps is to see every social situation as a negotiation. I highly recommend reading <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0062407805/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&amp;tag=dariusforoux-20&amp;creative=9325&amp;linkCode=as2&amp;creativeASIN=0062407805&amp;linkId=aaed4828e296f61e7e7377c184b58c9a">Never Split The Difference </a>by Chris Voss. In fact, I learned the "How am I supposed to do that?" technique from that book. When people give you a proposal you don't like, ask them that question. In my case, I changed it to " What am I supposed to do?"

I learned to be assertive from my mother. She always expresses her feelings, is comfortable with saying no, acts in her family's best interest, and also thinks about the common good. She's the most assertive person I know. No one can take advantage of her. If you try, she will let you know about it.

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