Given that it shares the same root word as “alone,” it’s easy to assume loneliness is just the absence of contact with other people.As Cacioppo explains in his book (Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection by John T. Cacioppo and William Patrick). loneliness is not merely a lack of human contact, but rather a lack of meaningful connection with other humans. It isn’t about the quantity of relationships, but rather the quality. This is why it’s possible to feel lonely even when you’re in a romantic relationship or have a large group of acquaintances.

What Is Loneliness?

To start, when we talk about the “pain” of loneliness, that’s more than just a metaphor. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), scientists have observed that the experience of social rejection activates the same region of the brain that “registers emotional responses to physical pain” . Being socially isolated might not be as imminently dangerous as a cut or burn, but the consequences can be just as serious over the long term.

The Pain of Loneliness

1. Don’t Blame Your Social SkillsWhen you’re feeling lonely, it’s easy to blame it on your lack of social skills. In general, though, a lack of social skills isn’t the issue. Rather, it’s that “feeling lonely makes us less likely to employ the skills we have” . accordingly to the book, loneliness is something that can happen to any of us. It doesn’t mean there’s anything weird or disordered about you – it’s an experience common to all humans. What matters, rather, is how you respond to loneliness, whether or not you use it as a catalyst to improve the depth of your connection with others.

6 things to do to be less lonely

Simply telling people to “connect more with others” isn’t very helpful on its own. This is especially true because each person’s genes are different.Therefore, don’t assume that you need to be super outgoing and have lots of social interactions to feel socially satisfied. You might well thrive with a small group of close friends whom you see once a week. On the other hand, your genes might predispose you to need more frequent social connection, and that’s fine too.

2. Assess How Much Connection You Need

<ol><li>Intimate connectedness: This is connection “up close and personal,” typically with a significant other.</li><li>Relational connectedness : This is the broader (but still close) connection you have with friends and family.</li><li>Collective connectedness –This type of connection describes belonging to a club, professional organization, or even an entire nation.</li></ol>In general, we need a healthy mix of the above types. However, note that this isn’t universally true. What matters, again, is that the types and level of social connection you have match your genetic preferences.

3. Recognize the 3 Different Types of Social Connection

Once you’ve resolved to become more connected with others, Cacioppo recommends finding opportunities “to get small doses of the positive sensations that come from positive social interactions”.Each positive interaction you have gives you further evidence that you can connect with others. This can then help you develop the confidence you need for deeper, more vulnerable forms of connection later on.One of the lowest-risk ways to get started is through volunteering , positive social interactions that can boost your confidence.

4. Extend Yourself (Slowly and Carefully)

When you start reaching out to people not every interaction will be a success. maybe its a small talk Or the passerby you smile at on the street may stare at the ground and keep moving. Interactions that turn out this way don’t mean you’re a failure, or that no one wants to talk to you. As Cacioppo says, “A million and one factors that have absolutely nothing to do with you can influence people’s moods and reactions” .So don’t use a couple of bad reactions as evidence that you can’t connect with people. Just move on and keep trying.

5. Have No Expectations

Throughout Loneliness , Cacioppo stresses that loneliness is not a mental disorder . At the same time, however, chronic loneliness can put you at risk for depression , and social anxiety can make it harder to connect with people in the first place.Therefore, I encourage you to seek the services of a mental health professional if you’re struggling with loneliness.Remember that whatever you’re struggling with, loneliness or otherwise, you don’t have to do it alone.

6. Seek Professional Help

What causes loneliness, and what can we do about it? This article examines the underlying science to answer both of these questions.

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Personal Development

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Health

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Mental Health

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Communication

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Love & Relationships

How to Be Less Lonely: 6 Science-Backed Techniques to Try

If you want to connect with people, however, you need to put away your phone. It will seem awkward at first, maybe even painful. But if you want to have a conversation, you need to first signal that you’re open to talking.Putting away your phone sends a signal that you want to talk, and it also makes you more likely to take in your surroundings (including any potential conversation partners).

1. Don't hide behind your phone.

These days, there are apps to deliver everything from groceries to toothpaste to tacos. Combine this with services that let you stream more media than you could ever consume in a lifetime, and it’s easy to spend most of your time inside, at home.<ul><li>Shop for groceries in person instead of online.</li><li>Go out to eat instead of ordering delivery (bonus points if you invite a friend or family member).</li><li>See a movie at the theater instead of streaming it.</li><li>Buy books at a local bookstore instead of on Amazon.</li></ul>

2.Do More Things In Person 

Wearing headphones says, “Please don’t talk to me, I don’t want to be bothered.” This is great when you don’t want your coworkers to interrupt you, but it’s terrible when you want to connect with people.Putting away the headphones (or taking out the AirPods) opens you up to more social interactions. Plus, you’ll notice new sonic details such as the song of a particular bird or the hum of different passing vehicles. Your experience of the world will be richer overall.

3. Take off your headphones

If you’re an <a href="https://collegeinfogeek.com/networking-guide-for-introverts/">introvert </a>, you may find it difficult to strike up conversations with random people in a coffee shop, bar, or line at the grocery store. This is because these situations are too open-ended, too lacking in structure. They put all the emphasis on talking, which can be awkward and draining when you’re first meeting people.To ease the pressure, I recommend finding social activities with structure. Here are a few ideas:<ul><li>Boardgame nights (many local breweries, coffee shops, and community centers host these)</li><li>Sports league</li><li>Community band/orchestra</li><li><a href="https://www.meetup.com/">Meetup </a>groups (though be sure to pick one that’s introvert-friendly)</li><li>In-person classes (cooking, photography, painting, etc.)</li><li>etc</li></ul>The goal is to find an activity that gives you the opportunity to talk but also something else to focus on when the conversation lulls.

4. Find Structured Social Activities

When you’re trying to be more social, you should use “open” body language. Open body language signals to others that you’re interested in interacting with them.So what does this look like in practice? Here are the key components:<ul><li>Uncross your legs and arms</li><li>Stand (or sit) up straight</li><li>Turn towards people</li><li>Relax your shoulders (many people naturally clench them)</li><li>Smile</li></ul>

5. Use "Open" Body Language

If you’re making an effort to be more social, there are going to be awkward moments.If you only focus on avoiding awkwardness, then you’ll quickly give up on trying to socialize at all. And this is the opposite of what you want. So instead, I suggest you embrace the awkwardness . Instead of viewing awkward moments as a “failure,” see them as a sign that you’re pushing the limits of your comfort zone.As with any other skill, you can only improve your social skills with <a href="https://collegeinfogeek.com/how-to-learn-a-new-skill-quickly/">deliberate practice </a>. And in the course of practicing, you’re bound to have a few awkward moments. Even if you’re the most extroverted, outgoing person on the planet, you can’t escape awkwardness — it’s just a part of being human.

6. Embrace the awkwardness

The key, however, is to ask open-ended questions . That is, ask questions that don’t have a simple “yes or no” answer.It’s the difference between Do you like living here? and What do you think about living here? Or the difference between Where did you grow up? and Tell me about where you grew up (I realize that technically isn’t a “question,” but it still counts).When you ask open-ended questions, you create the opportunity for dialogue. You learn more about the person you’re talking to, and that information serves as fuel for further conversation. Plus, it takes a lot of pressure off of you.

7. Ask Questions

But how do you listen? Effective listening is about more than just passively receiving information. Instead, you need to show the other person that you’re listening. The following body language shows that you’re listening:<ul><li>Turning toward the person (don’t stare off into space or look away)</li><li>Nodding (or shaking your head)</li><li>Making eye contact (just be sure not to overdo it or it can be creepy)</li></ul>Finally, don’t talk too much. Really listen; be quiet and take in what the person is saying.

8. Be A Good Listener

Next time you’re having a conversation, see if you catch yourself thinking about what you’re going to say next rather than focusing on what the other person is saying. You may be surprised how often it happens.Generally, being aware of this tendency is enough to improve it. But if you’re still struggling, I recommend trying <a href="https://collegeinfogeek.com/meditation/">mindfulness meditation </a>. It can help you reign in your wandering mind and focus more on the present moment.

9. Get Out Of Your Head

Being funny is a great way to make friends. But not everyone is funny. At least, not everyone is funny all the time. Not everyone has that personality. And that’s okay. You don’t have to be funny to have conversations and build great relationships. There’s room (and need) for serious people in the world as well.Whatever you do, don’t try to force humor. People can tell when you’re trying to be funny. It’s off-putting and uncomfortable (unless you’re doing some kind of nuanced stand-up routine).

10. Don't Force Humour

the more you do it the more it become better.you can’t build your confidence if you aren’t getting out there and trying. You can start small, and you can still embrace the alone time you need as an introvert (in fact, you neglect it at your peril).

Practice,Practice, Practice

Socializing can be a struggle, especially if you're an introvert. Here are 10 techniques you can use to make socializing easier.

How to Be Less Lonely: 6 Science-Backed Techniques to Try

10 Ways to Improve Your Social Skills and Be More Outgoing

Taha Khan