Many of us recognize the value of improving our feelings of self-worth. When our self-esteem is higher, we not only feel better about ourselves, we are more resilient as well. That said, it is certainly possible to improve our self-esteem if we go about it the right way. Here are five ways to nourish your self-esteem when it is low: it is low:

Build Yourself Up

Positive affirmations such as “I am going to be a great success!” are extremely popular, but they have one critical problem they tend to make people with low self-worth feel worse about themselves because such declarations are simply too contrary to our existing beliefs. For affirmations to work when your self-esteem is lagging, tweak them to make them more believable. For example, change “I’m going to be a great success!” to “I’m going to persevere until I succeed!”

1. Use positive affirmations correctly

Self-esteem is built by demonstrating real ability and achievement in areas of our lives that matter to us. If you pride yourself on being a good cook, throw more dinner parties. If you’re a good runner, sign up for races and train for them. In short, figure out your core competencies and find opportunities and careers that accentuate them.

2. Identify our competencies and develop them

Set yourself the goal to tolerate compliments when you receive them, even if they make you uncomfortable (and they will). The best way to avoid the reflexive reactions of batting away compliments is to prepare simple set responses and train yourself to use them automatically whenever you get good feedback (e.g., “Thank you” or “How kind of you to say”). In time, the impulse to deny or rebuff compliments will fade — which will also be a nice indication your self-esteem is getting stronger.

3. Learn to accept compliments

Since our goal is to enhance our self-esteem, we need to substitute self-criticism with self-compassion. Specifically, whenever your self-critical inner monologue kicks in, ask yourself what you would say to a dear friend if they were in your situation (we tend to be much more compassionate to friends than we are to ourselves) and direct those comments to yourself. Doing so will avoid damaging your self-esteem further with critical thoughts, and help build it up instead.

4. Eliminate self-criticism and introduce self-compassion 

The following exercise has been demonstrated to help revive your self-esteem after it sustained a blow: Make a list of qualities you have that are meaningful in the specific context. For example, if you got rejected by your date, list qualities that make you a good relationship prospect. Then choose one of the items on your list and write a brief essay (one to two paragraphs) about why the quality is valuable and likely to be appreciated by other people in the future. Do the exercise every day for a week or whenever you need a self-esteem boost.

5. Affirm your real worth

Improving self-esteem requires a bit of work, as it involves developing and maintaining healthier emotional habits but doing so, and especially doing so correctly, will provide a great emotional and psychological return on your investment.

Bottom Line

Everyone is in favor of high self-esteem -- but cultivating it can be a surprisingly perilous quest. Psychologist Guy Winch explains why -- and describes smart ways we can help build ourselves up

personaldevelopment

Personal Development

5 ways to build lasting self-esteem

Self love is holding yourself accountable for the contributions you’ve made in the failure of your previous relationships, having regular check-ins with your heart to make sure it’s okay, and most importantly, saying no to things that don’t align with the person you want to be. People will call you selfish and picky, but I can guarantee that not being so accessible to people is what’ll open your eyes to things you don’t want, thus making it easier to avoid them altogether. In doing so, you not only avoid repeating old dysfunctional patterns, but you also avoid creating new ones that are equally bad for you.Self-love is reminding yourself every day that love is a beautiful thing , and that because you are beautiful, you deserve it in its purest, most sincere form . Being intimate with yourself (not just in a sexual way, if that’s a thing for you) is probably the most important part in the self-love journey. Intimacy strengthens any bond created, and what better bond is there to strengthen than the one you have with your best self? It’s like getting to know someone new. You’re getting to know who you are, what you like and don’t like. Elevating your self-awareness to such a level is guaranteed to keep you from settling for an imitation or version of love that won’t build you.Energy is everything, and when you love yourself more, you attract people who vibrate at the same frequency. A healthy love between two (or more) people is one where two (or more) people who love themselves wholly come together to share in that love with each other. There is little to no space for petty relationship BS that’s plaguing and destroying modern relationships when you and your person effortlessly yet intentionally give love as much as you’re receiving it. The love you need is not hard to find, because it begins with you.

The Love You Need Is Within You

The part where you begin to manifest the love you need is in the healing process.

loveandrelationships

Love & Relationships

Finding The Love You Need Begins With You

So I get why we fear dreaming. It’s hard for us to get our hopes up that things will go the way we want them to. Yet and still, we need to put this worry as far away from our psyches as possible. You might call it madness, but I call it necessary.Here’s the thing. Life can absolutely be a filth bucket, even for people who TRY and STRIVE and DREAM. The difference is that those people can go to sleep at night and wake up in the morning knowing that they at least tried. They can take some small solace that they did what they could. Life’s shenanigans can be off-the-chart levels for them. But they blame life, not themselves.When our dreams come true, we’re expanding the worlds of others because now they know theirs can too.

Dream On

It’s hard for us to get our hopes up only to be disappointed, says writer and podcast host Luvvie Ajayi Jones. Yet when we dream, we’re giving ourselves permission to realize our craziest fantasies -- and giving other people permission to do the same.

We need to keep dreaming, even when it feels impossible. Here’s why

The good news is that self-doubt, odd as it may sound, is actually a secret weapon for blooming. When properly managed, it can help combat complacency and improve our preparation and performance. It drives us to question results, experiment with new strategies, and be open to alternate ways to solve problems — tactics that correlate with late bloomer strengths such as curiosity and resilience. But self-doubt isn’t only a performance enhancer; it’s also a recipe for being a wiser leader, teacher, parent and friend, because coming to terms with it makes us more compassionate and gives us greater insight into ourselves and others. The problem is that many people deal with self-doubt by sabotaging our chances of success.To bloom, we must learn not to fear self-doubt but to embrace it as a naturally occurring opportunity for growth and improvement. The key to harnessing self-doubt starts at the very core of our individual beliefs about ourselves, with what psychologists call “self-efficacy.” And understanding self-efficacy begins with Albert Bandura.We can improve self-efficacy through something we already do: Talk. We all talk ourselves through situations, good and bad. It’s our inner cheerleader — or our inner critic. Psychologists and researchers call this voice “self-talk.” Self-talk shapes our relationships with ourselves, allowing us to try to see things more objectively. Objectivity can be enormously beneficial for late bloomers, helping us overcome the negative cultural messages we receive from family, friends and society.

A Secret Weapon for Blooming

The key to harnessing self-doubt starts with self-efficacy, or our confidence in our ability to set ourselves up for success. And we can improve self-efficacy through something that we all already do: talk to ourselves, says writer Rich Karlgaard.

Self-doubt can actually help you bloom — and it all starts with how you talk to yourself

The Stoics remind us that there really is no such thing as an objectively good or bad occurrence. Situations require our participation, context and categorization in order to be "bad".Our reaction is what actually decides whether harm has occurred. If we raise our voice because we feel we’re being confronted, naturally a confrontation will ensue.But if we retain control of ourselves, we decide whether to label something good or bad.

The Real Source of Harm

Marcus Aurelius was reminded that no matter how much he conquered, no matter how much he inflicted his will on the world, it would be like building a castle in the sand—soon to be erased by the winds of time.Eventually, all of us will pass away and slowly be forgotten. We should enjoy this brief time we have on earth—not be enslaved to emotions that make us miserable and dissatisfied.

The Smoke and Dust of Myth

Most people resist the idea of a true self-estimate, probably because they fear it might mean downgrading some of their beliefs about who they are and what they’re capable of.As Goethe’s maxim goes, it is a great failing “to see yourself as more than you are" and it is equally damaging to “value yourself at less than your true worth.”We underestimate our capabilities just as much and just as dangerously as we overestimate other abilities. Cultivate the ability to judge yourself accurately and honestly. Look inward to discern what you’re capable of and what it will take to unlock that potential.

Accurate Self-Assessment

Why have history's greatest minds embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. Holiday and Hanselman offer 366 days of Stoic insights and exercises, to help you find the serenity, self-knowledge, and resilience you need to live well

philosophy

Philosophy

motivationandinspiration

Motivation & Inspiration

From the team that brought you The Obstacle Is the Way and Ego Is the Enemy, a beautiful daily devotional of Stoic meditations—an instant Wall Street Journal and USA Today Bestseller. Why have history's greatest minds—from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson, along with today's top performers from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities—embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise. The Daily Stoic offers 366 days of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations from the Emperor Marcus Aurelius, the playwright Seneca, or slave-turned-philosopher Epictetus, as well as lesser-known luminaries like Zeno, Cleanthes, and Musonius Rufus. Every day of the year you'll find one of their pithy, powerful quotations, as well as historical anecdotes, provocative commentary, and a helpful glossary of Greek terms. By following these teachings over the course of a year (and, indeed, for years to come) you'll find the serenity, self-knowledge, and resilience you need to live well.

Ryan Holiday is media strategist for notorious clients like Tucker Max and Dov Charney. After dropping out of college at 19 to apprentice under the strategist Robert Greene, he went on to advise many bestselling authors and multi-platinum musicians. He is the Director of Marketing at American Apparel, where his work in advertising was internationally known. His strategies are used as case studies by Twitter, YouTube, and Google, and have been written about in AdAge, the New York Times, Gawker, and Fast Company. He is the author is *Trust Me, I'm Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator*, which is due out in July. He currently lives in New Orleans, with his rebellious puppy, Hanno.

Ryan Holiday

Stephen Hanselman is an accomplished writer whose work has resonated with readers around the world. Stephen Hanselman has published several books that explore a range of topics, from fiction to nonfiction, and has received critical acclaim for the ability to weave compelling narratives. Stephen Hanselman's writing style is known for its depth and authenticity, and has earned quite a loyal following of readers.

5 ways to build lasting self-esteem

Finding The Love You Need Begins With You

We need to keep dreaming, even when it feels impossible. Here’s why

Self-doubt can actually help you bloom — and it all starts with how you talk to yourself

The Daily Stoic

Lualhati Tiu