Reflect on the cause of tension and how you are responding to it. The first step is both acceptance and reflection. Remind yourself: You won’t get along with everyone but there is potential value in every interaction with others. You can and should learn from almost everyone you meet, and the responsibility for making that happen lies with you even if the relationship is not an easy one. Take an honest look at what is causing the tension and what role you play in creating it. It may be that your reaction to the situation is at the core of the problem (and you can’t control anything other than your reaction).

Reflect on the tension

Work harder to understand the other person’s perspective. Few people get out of bed in the morning with the goal of making your life miserable. Make time to think deliberately about the other person’s point of view, especially if that person is essential to your success. Ask yourself: Why is this person acting this way? What might be motivating them? How do they see me? What might they want and need from me?

Understand the perspective of others

Become a problem solver rather than a critic or competitor. To work better together, it’s important to <a href="https://hbr.org/2012/05/make-your-enemies-your-allies">shift from a competitive stance to a collaborative one </a>. One tactic is to “give” the other person the problem. Rather than trying to work through or around the other person, engage them directly. Kacie invited Marta out to lunch and was open with her: “I don’t feel like we are working together as effectively as we could. What do you think? Do you have any ideas for how we can work better together?” <a href="https://hbr.org/2014/06/win-over-an-opponent-by-asking-for-advice">If you ask people to show you their cards </a>, and demonstrate vulnerability in the process, they will often reveal a few of their own.

Solver not critic!

Ask more questions. In tense situations, many of us try to “tell” our way through it. We might become overly assertive, which usually makes the situation worse. Instead, try asking questions — ideally open-ended ones intended to create conversation. Put aside your own agenda, <a href="https://hbr.org/2018/05/the-surprising-power-of-questions">ask good questions </a>, and have the patience to truly listen to the other person’s answers.

How to Collaborate with People You Don’t Like

Thao Phung