Giving Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt

• Reflect on the positive reasons that you have chosen your partner.
• Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and assume that they have good intentions.
• Shifting your focus to understanding your partner's stuggles builds good will that comes back to you and strengthens your relationship.

I have never had someone come into my office and say, “My problem is that my partner understands me too much.“ Developing empathy for your partner means really understanding what life has been and is like for them. Empathy is not some mystical power. It is not magic, intuition , or just the “warm fuzzies.“ And make no mistake; empathy is not mind-reading .

Empathy is not something that drains or depletes partners. Sympathy can be draining, but not empathy. Sympathy leads us to feel we have to do something.

As another example of giving the benefit of the doubt, Craig shares with his wife, Jill, that he'd like to start his own consulting firm. Jill then feels understandable anxiety (as does Craig). At the same time, she empathizes about how this need for entrepreneurship has been a longstanding need and goal for Craig.

Here is how to make the benefit of the doubt work for you, your partner, and your relationship.

2. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. Assume that they have good intentions.

3. Consider your partner’s caring and love shown in the past. Then ask yourself if there is a possibility that your partner had no intention of causing you any grief .

Relationships take work. Yet, we need to ask ourself if we are just working hard (e.g., having the same fights over and over) or if we can learn and grow to give each other the gift of reasonable acceptance of our intimate partners. I have no doubt that giving each other the benefit of the doubt helps us work smarter and feel happier in our loving relationships.