You think “oh no, maybe I’m a manipulative person and therefore bad and I should stop being like that so I’ll be OK.

• You have psychological mechanisms, just like everyone. Yours may be different than others, but you can bet that you share those mechanisms with millions of humans — they’re not your personal catastrophic flaw, they’re just the way ego maintenance machinery works, for you.

What you want is to become more aware of those mechanisms, recognize them for what they are, and “manage” or supervise them. 

• My “adult relationship” with this involves learning to be aware, manage, and restrain my temper — and naturally, that includes telling the truth about it and not fooling myself or justifying it.

It also includes being willing to apologize and “take it back” when I’ve said something I shouldn’t have said.

Self-observe, so you can see how it occurs, be aware so you can supervise and restrain it, and don’t give in to the temptation to think that this is what defines you. 

There’s always a bigger you, beyond those limitations.