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Love is not just a feeling or instinct, it’s a skill we need to learn.
It might sound strange, but it’s the reality.
Love isn’t something that magically develops on its own and lasts a lifetime.
In my own quest for answers during a challenging time, I stumbled upon a piece of wisdom from Alain de Botton that has deeply impacted me.
He explains an important aspect, the idea of marrying the wrong person.
The truth is, most of us will never manage to find the right person, and that’s perfectly fine.
what we can manage is, finding a good enough partner. You might have already found one.
You may even occasionally wonder if you married the wrong person or if you’re compatible with your partner.
Here’s the key: it’s the journey of love that allows you and your partner to grow and develop the capacity to tolerate your incompatibilities, ultimately achieving compatibility.
Now, let’s talk about compatibility in love. We often misunderstand it.
Compatibility isn’t the starting point in finding love; it’s the outcome of love that sustains a relationship.
When we search for love, we’re often seeking familiarity. Our early experiences with love, shaped by parents, movies, and books, influence our adult expectations.
This means that we might unintentionally choose familiar-feeling partners over truly compatible ones.
But what exactly is compatibility? It’s closely related to tolerance.
In Alain de Botton’s words, “love is not just admiration for strength; it is also tolerance for weakness and recognition for ambivalence.”
In simpler terms, loving your partner isn’t just about adoring their strengths.
It’s also about accepting their flaws and their unpredictability, understanding that it’s okay not to like everything about them.
This love-hate dynamic is entirely normal because the person you love is a mixture of good and bad traits.
None of us are easy to live with. Since we are all unique individuals with our own peculiarities, tolerance is a vital component of love.
The secret for a happy and fulfilling marriage or relationship is a mix of the love-hate relationship, where admiration and tolerance coexist, with a healthy dose of compromise.
In the end, love is a journey that involves learning, adapting, and growing alongside your partner rather than having a predetermined end point.
If you embrace the skills of love, choose your familiarity carefully, exercise tolerance, and don’t be reluctant to compromise, you’ll be well on your way to finding a healthy and lasting relationship.
Writer and Sales Professional | Fostering Lasting Connections
Recently, I've been facing a challenging period, and this article significantly shifted my perspective. I hope it can bring value to you as well :)
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