Anna T's Key Ideas from Beyond Behaviours
by Mona Delahooke
Ideas, facts & insights covering these topics:
5 ideas
·43 reads
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All Behaviors Have Meaning
Children misbehave not because they want to give us a hard time, but because most likely, they are having a hard time.
Instead of trying to "fix" the behavior, we need to figure out the root of the problem first.
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16 reads
The Root of ‘Bad’ Behaviors in Kids
⬆️Bottom-Up behaviors are instinctual, stress-based responses that are dominant in children and can arise when they feel unsafe.
⬇️Top-Down behaviors, on the other hand, are deliberate and intentional, developed over many years as the cerebral cortex matures. This allows us to control our actions, learn from them and pursue our goals. Children, still developing this section, rely on our guidance.
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Kids Are Innocent
- Kids don't try to deceive us; they lack the mental ability to manipulate. They act on instinct or fear. Recognizing this can help us remain composed during their tantrums.
- Children aren't intentionally deceitful.
- They behave impulsively or out of fear when their needs are not met.
- Understanding this can help adults stay calm.
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7 reads
Three States of Arousal: Autonomic Nervous System
Our autonomic nervous system has three states of arousal, each affecting our behavior in different ways.
- 💚 Green pathway (Social Engagement) - this is when we are able to communicate, play, and learn.
- 🔥 Red pathway (Fight or Flight) - this is when we feel stress, anger, or perceive a threat.
- ❄ Blue pathway (Shutting Down) - this is when we experience a freezing response and conserve energy for survival.
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Co-regulation
Emotional co-regulation is the key to helping a distressed child. Stay on the green pathway and show compassion and emotional attunement.
Tips for co-regulating with your child:
- Stay calm and centered yourself
- Use a calm and soothing voice
- Provide physical comfort like a hug or gentle touch
- Help them label their feelings and validate them
Remember, your reaction sets the tone for their emotional response.
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