Children misbehave not because they want to give us a hard time, but because most likely, they are having a hard time.
Instead of trying to "fix" the behavior, we need to figure out the root of the problem first.

All Behaviors Have Meaning

⬆️Bottom-Up behaviors are instinctual, stress-based responses that are dominant in children and can arise when they feel unsafe. ⬇️Top-Down behaviors, on the other hand, are deliberate and intentional, developed over many years as the cerebral cortex matures. This allows us to control our actions, learn from them and pursue our goals. Children, still developing this section, rely on our guidance.

The Root of ‘Bad’ Behaviors in Kids

- Kids don't try to deceive us; they lack the mental ability to manipulate. They act on instinct or fear. Recognizing this can help us remain composed during their tantrums.<ul><li>Children aren't intentionally deceitful.</li><li>They behave impulsively or out of fear when their needs are not met.</li><li>Understanding this can help adults stay calm.</li></ul>

Kids Are Innocent

Our autonomic nervous system has three states of arousal, each affecting our behavior in different ways.
<ul>
 <li>💚 Green pathway (Social Engagement) - this is when we are able to communicate, play, and learn.</li>
 <li>🔥 Red pathway (Fight or Flight) - this is when we feel stress, anger, or perceive a threat.</li>
 <li>❄ Blue pathway (Shutting Down) - this is when we experience a freezing response and conserve energy for survival.</li>
</ul>

Three States of Arousal: Autonomic Nervous System

Emotional co-regulation is the key to helping a distressed child. Stay on the green pathway and show compassion and emotional attunement. 
 Tips for co-regulating with your child:
<ul>
 <li>Stay calm and centered yourself</li>
 <li>Use a calm and soothing voice</li>
 <li>Provide physical comfort like a hug or gentle touch</li>
 <li>Help them label their feelings and validate them</li>
</ul>
 Remember, your reaction sets the tone for their emotional response.

Co-regulation

A PARADIGM SHIFT FOR CAREGIVERS THAT WILL REVOLUTIONIZE THE WAY YOU APPROACH, TREAT OR PARENT A CHILD WITH CHALLENGING OR EXPLOSIVE BEHAVIOURS. When you are confronted with a child who is troubled, disruptive, oppositional, defiant or angry - whether you are a parent or a teacher - it can be difficult to know the best way to support them. Traditional methods of 'shaping' a child's behaviour can often be at best ineffective, at worst distressing, for child and adult alike. Drawing on 30 years of experience, internationally known paediatric psychologist Dr Mona Delahooke describes these troubled behaviours as the 'tip of the iceberg', important signals that point to deeper, individual differences in the child that we need to understand and address before we can resolve behavioural challenges. Using the very latest neuroscientific research Beyond Behaviours makes the case that many children who can't seem to behave simply don't have the developmental capacity to do so - yet. This book uses neuroscientific findings to help you deconstruct behaviour challenges, and to discover their cause and triggers for your child. It will show you how to apply this knowledge across a variety of behaviour spectrums, from children diagnosed with autism or other forms of neurodiversity, to those who might have been exposed to toxic stress or trauma during their early years. There are practical strategies to implement at every stage, backed up by impactful worksheets and charts, with a strong emphasis not on 'managing' behaviour, but instead on helping children and families build positive experiences to counteract the stress and pressure felt by everybody when you're working, or living, with a child who has behavioural challenges. Accessible, practical, warmly supportive and steeped in research and clinical expertise, Beyond Behaviours offers a break-through book which guides us - parents and caregivers alike - to the realisation that the most important tool in our toolkit is always our connection with the child standing in front of us.

Understand yourself and those around you.

psychology

Psychology

parenting

Parenting

mentalhealth

Mental Health

books

Books

meditation

Meditation

Mona Delahooke

Beyond Behaviours

1. What do you want for your kids? Are you practicing these things in your own life?2. Children tend to be terrible at doing what we say but great at doing what we do.Be their example and inspire them3. Treat a child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becomingSet them for a success 4. When we’re not meeting our own needs, we have nothing to giveTaking care of them starts with your self care.

Mindfull Parenting 

Daily reminders for busy and tired parents

“A wise and fresh approach to mindful parenting.” —Tara Brach, author of Radical Acceptance A kinder, more compassionate world starts with kind and compassionate kids. In Raising Good Humans, you’ll find powerful and practical strategies to break free from “reactive parenting” habits and raise kind, cooperative, and confident kids.Whether you’re running late for school, trying to get your child to eat their vegetables, or dealing with an epic meltdown in the checkout line at a grocery store—being a parent is hard work! And, as parents, many of us react in times of stress without thinking—often by yelling. But what if, instead of always reacting on autopilot, you could respond thoughtfully in those moments, keep your cool, and get from A to B on time and in one piece?With this book, you’ll find powerful mindfulness skills for calming your own stress response when difficult emotions arise. You’ll also discover strategies for cultivating respectful communication, effective conflict resolution, and reflective listening. In the process, you’ll learn to examine your own unhelpful patterns and ingrained reactions that reflect the generational habits shaped by your parents, so you can break the cycle and respond to your children in more skillful ways.When children experience a parent reacting with kindness and patience, they learn to act with kindness as well—thereby altering generational patterns for a kinder, more compassionate future. With this essential guide, you’ll see how changing your own “autopilot reactions” can create a lasting positive impact, not just for your kids, but for generations to come. An essential, must-read for all parents—now more than ever. “To raise the children we hope to raise, we have to learn to become the person we hoped to be…. This wonderful book will help you handle the ride.”  —KJ Dell’Antonia, author of How to Be a Happier Parent   “Hunter Clarke-Fields shares her wisdom and personal experience to help parents create peaceful families.” —Joanna Faber and Julie King, coauthors of How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen

Beyond Behaviours

Raising Good Humans

Anna T