Reffi D's Key Ideas from The New Rules
by Ellen Fein

While many women have their own personal style, we feel that makeup must-haves for a CUAO are bronzer, eyeliner, mascara, and a light-colored lip gloss. We think that any Rules Girl’s best accessory is big (three-inch) hoop earrings in silver or gold. It’s a youthful look with long, straight hair and the right makeup. Little or big diamond studs (real or fake) are great when you are engaged or married,

If she had been, he would have walked over to her, spoken to her first, and followed up with a real date. Because she spoke to him first, she created an interaction that may never have happened, and because she kept it going, she was completely baffled as to why he was not more responsive. But we aren’t! The reason you shouldn’t speak to a guy first is to find out what he will do on his own. If a guy doesn’t make the first move, he doesn’t make other things happen either.

So if you have any thoughts of sending that Evite to a guy or quick text to invite him and his friends to drinks after work, think twice—and don’t do it! Any energy that is going into manipulating guys to be with you should be used to create your online dating profile and to go to clubs, bars, parties, and singles events where you can meet guys who ask you out. Like it or not, being the one asked out, not the asker, is the only way it works with men!

Women create situations in which they can subtly flirt. They reach for the same item at the grocery store, they wait next to him for a drink at a bar, they purposely brush up against him at a crowded party, or they take the elevator going down instead of up. You can stand next to him all day at the gym, pretending to be waiting for the elliptical machine, and you can put a force field around him, but he will eventually find the girl he likes and walk over to her, chat her up, grab her phone, and even call himself from it so he has her number for sure. Don’t even bother! If you see a guy you like, wait for him to walk over to you. That’s the only way it works with men!

Our official answer about when to respond to a first text is to wait somewhere between four and twenty-four hours, depending on your age.

Four hours is for the younger set—for those in college and women in their early to mid-twenties who grew up with texting and Facebook. The older you are, the longer you should try to wait. For example, a thirty-year-old should wait more like twelve hours, and a forty-plus-year-old should wait a day to reply

If a guy texts you for the first time at, say, 9 or 10 a.m., you wouldn’t write back exactly four hours later while you’re at school or work because, theoretically, you are not checking your phone all day long, keep waiting!

If a guy texts you for the first time in the late afternoon, say at 3 or 4 p.m., you should write back later in the evening, after the time you would be at happy hour or dinner with friends. You can even wait until the next morning

If a guy is texting but not asking you out, you have to cut him off until he gets that you are too busy to just chat endlessly. This freezing-him-out plan is not about playing games but about boundaries, self-esteem, and self-worth. Men will eat up your time if you let them! Many women waste hours or days politely texting guys back throughout the day, yet find themselves dateless on Saturday night. Rules Girls don’t put up with aimless chitchat.

When you don’t let him end interactions first, you somehow cast a spell on him and he always wants you more.

Always write less than he does. Don’t ask too many questions. Try to answer his questions in a sentence or two but in a witty way. Don’t introduce too many new topics, lest a textfest develop. In an attempt to bond with a guy or to catch his interest, a woman will keep a conversation going by answering his questions in great detail, asking him questions, and introducing many new topics.

The truth is that nothing good ever happens after midnight. Guys are just looking to set up a hookup—much like they do in person. In our first book, we said that when you go to a bar, club, or party that starts at 9 p.m.

you should arrive at 10 p.m. and leave around midnight. Women who hang out until 2 or 4 a.m. to close the place down usually meet drunks, stragglers, and guys looking for one-night stands. Ditto for texts, calls, instant messages, and e-mails after midnight.

• Never friend a guy you really like first.
• Wait twenty-four to forty-eight hours to confirm a friend request from a guy you like.
• Rarely write on a guy’s wall—and that includes liking and tagging.
• Don’t always post back if he writes on your wall. But if you do, wait at least thirty minutes to several hours.
• Share as little as possible. One of the biggest mistakes women who are dating make is constantly posting ordinary/dull status updates. They’re “watching X Factor and loving the contestants”.

• Additionally, avoid writing life quotes or anything too introspective or negative, like “What goes around, comes around” or “Karma is a bitch.” It will sound like you’ve been hurt or have been reading too many self-help books. Don’t write, “So bored” or “Could this day be any longer?” because it will show that you have nothing going on at all!.
• Don’t post unflattering photos
• Don’t initiate a Facebook chat.

• Delete the relationship listing option. It is better to leave your status out altogether because you don’t want to show that much interest in the whole subject of relationships. Also, if your status changes from “in a relationship” to “single,” your hundreds of friends will be notified and you might be embarrassed. If you are dating someone, don’t post “in a relationship” before he does or make your main photo one of the two of you before he does.
• Don’t friend his friends and family first.

There are non-Rules Girls who will hug guys for the camera or try to make it seem like more is going on than there is. They have no life and want to find their fifteen minutes of fame on Facebook—don’t give it to them! Don’t believe everything you see or read. Sometimes a mean girl will post a photo of your crush with her just to stir things up. But don’t freak out. Half the time it’s not what you think!

Girls, listen to what guys say, and don’t e-mail first or frequently! As with any other form of communication, e-mailing improperly is aggressive and intrusive, so don’t do it no matter what interesting tidbits you feel like sharing, whether it’s a YouTube clip of a great new song or the menu from that new Italian restaurant you want to try.

Even if you have nothing going on, you cannot let a guy know that by IMing him back in nanoseconds. As with any other form of communication, a guy should have to wait to hear from you. For a guy to stay intrigued, there has to be a little bit of a bungee jump for him. Don’t take that away by IMing him back right away and chatting for an hour or more!

When you do interact, whether by text, on a date, there is much to stay away from, too. Dont bring up words like “love,” “marriage,” “engagement,” “wedding,” or “babies.”

Do not share any childhood traumas or tell him that you are in therapy. Do not tell or text him that you are still paying off college loans and are just making ends meet and that’s why you can’t split the bill. the reason you don’t split the bill is because you are a Rules Girl and it is his pleasure to take you out and pay!

Just hanging out might be okay for girls who don’t really care about dates or serious relationships, even if you don’t have plans, even if you really like him—especially if you really like him! You must hold out for a real date, or at least some advance plan! Give him the impression that your life is full, that it existed before him and still exists now. You should never make a guy that important; he is a part of your life, not your whole life. You should continue to be a friend, a worker etc.

Don’t be flattered if a guy wants to video chat every day for hours. He may just be bored or lonely. Unless he comes to see you—whether by plane, train, or automobile—every other week, he either has a girlfriend or is just not that interested. Even if a guy offers to pay for you to fly to him or sends a limo for the first few dates, don’t go.

He should be the one to pack a suitcase and be inconvenienced, otherwise how will you know that he really likes you?

Don’t ignore or dump your girlfriends just because you are obsessed with a guy. If the relationship ends or even never happens, you’re going to need your BFFs to talk to and help you pick up the pieces of your heart from the floor!

The non-rules girls perhaps will ask you to chat a guy first. It is a bad influence.

If you are thinking about initiating the move into each other’s worlds, think again. Let him take the lead with this concept, as with everything else. Let him suggest your meeting his friends and his meeting your friends—and act nonchalant about it when he does. The problem today is that women are introducing men to everyone and inviting them to everything. Big mistake! Think long term. Do you want a date for a wedding or a permanent plus one?