What Happened to You? Summary

The book is structured as a conversation between Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry. Oprah mostly asks questions, while Dr. Perry brings the more scientific explanations behind trauma, but they both share their interactions with people affected by trauma.

It focuses on the fact that a person’s behavior is shaped by the traumatic events they experienced. If we understand this, then we can be more empathetic toward the people around us, shifting our perspective from “What’s wrong with this person?” to “What happened to this person?”

A few main points from the book are:

• connectedness and forming meaningful relationships is one of the most important factors for healing from trauma
• regulating ourselves is essential for well-being. This means practicing any sort of sport, art, listening to music, etc.
• every experience a child has will have an effect on them: it is essential for a child to be loved and cared for, while being transmitted as little generational trauma as possible

A key part in understanding how trauma affects a person is the way their brain experiences a new event. In a simplified explanation, everything we experience passes through more levels of the brain in a sequential way:

• the brainstem manages vital functions such breathing, heart rate, and temperature
• the diencephalon handles things like arousal, sleep, and appetite
• the limbic system is involved in our behavioral and emotional responses
• the cortex mediates the most uniquely “human” functions such as speech and language, cognition, and the capacity to reflect on the past and envision the future.

Trauma at any age can cause a cluster of symptoms that occur in the wake of a distressing incident. There are 3 components of trauma, the 3 E's:

• the Event
• the Experience
• the Effects

PTSD is about the effects. It is one of the mental disorders in the Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM). A person diagnoised with PTSD has 4 main symptom clusters:

1. Intrusive symptoms
2. Avoidant symptoms
3. Depressive symptoms
4. Arousal/Reactivity symptoms

It is really important to note that PTSD is not the only way trauma impacts our mental & physical health.

This is the first cluster of PTSD, which includes recurring, unwanted images & thoughts of the traumatic event, and dreams or nightmares. This is related to the brain's effort to make sense of the world. Trauma is threatening & far outside of our usual experience, shattering our inner landscape and worldview. This process involves both conscious and unconscious repetitive "reenactment" behaviors, or writings, drawing, sculpting, or playing. Again & again, revisiting the moment, looking through the wreckage, take something and move it to a safe haven.

These arise when someone feels distressed after being reexposed to people, places, or other reminders of the original traumatic events. In some ways, avoidant behaviors are an attempt to regain control over what feels like the uncontrollability of the traumatic experience. It is a part of the dissociative response to a threat, especially when it is unavoidable & distressing, to give yourself the sense of protection.

This is where hope lives for all of us - the unique adaptability of our miraculous brains.

what has happened to us in past shapes who are we , how we behave and how we do things.

Through the lens we can build a renewed sense of self worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances, situations and relationships.

it is in other words, the key to reshape our lives.

Not only is “what happened to you?” The key question of you want to understand someone, you need to understand their brain.

In other words, personal history, people and places in your life influences your brain development. The result is they each of the brains are unique. Our life experiences shape our lives and each one of us looks and perceives world in their own way.

This is why asking “ What happened to you?” Is so important in understanding what’s going on with you now.

How much do you think about your heart?

since before you were born, that miraculous machine has been steadily pumping energy of life throughout your body. Day in, day out at least 115,000 beats each day, with sole purpose of keeping you alive.

“What I’ve learned from talking to so many victims of traumatic events, abuse, or neglect is that after absorbing these painful experiences, the child begins to ache. A deep longing to feel needed, validated, and valued begins to take hold. As these children grow, they lack the ability to set a standard for what they deserve. And if that lack is not addressed, what often follows is a complicated, frustrating pattern of self-sabotage, violence, promiscuity, or addiction. Dr. Bruce D. Perry”