What Every BODY is Saying Summary

If you see someone with a pacifying behavior when you speak about something, just note that the person is in a stressful state and change your approach to being with them.

• We use pacifying behaviors to calm ourselves. Chewing gum, touching our necks, and touching our beards may help us calm down if we feel uncomfortable.
• A few behaviors that indicate stress – whistling, talking to ourselves, excessive yawning, leg clenching, sliding your hands down your knee.

• We often cross our legs when we’re confident and comfortable with someone or a situation (no real threat around). 
• We also tilt our legs towards the person we favor in courtship. Also, women dangling shoes with their toes is a sign of comfort, and so are footsies. Limited foot touching is bad.
• When we don’t want to see or be around someone, we’ll often shift our feet to turn away as a sign of being displeased or wanting to disengage. This behaviour is automatic.
• A knee clasp and a forward leaning torso indicate that someone is ready to leave a situation.

1. **The Importance of Nonverbal Communication**

Body language often reveals more than spoken words, as our bodies give away genuine emotions.

**Quote:** "The body doesn't lie, but people do."

- The two most fundamental nonverbal cues are comfort and discomfort. People who are comfortable tend to have open and relaxed postures, while discomfort leads to closed-off or defensive stances.

  - **Quote:** "All nonverbal behavior can be categorized into comfort or discomfort displays."

The face can often be misleading because it is the most controlled part of our body in social situations. It’s the other parts that give away real emotions.

  - **Quote:** "When people lie, their body language tells the truth."

Most of our communication is nonverbal through gestures and facial expressions. Understanding nonverbal behaviour comes with lots of benefits:

• Understanding emotions and feelings of other people. Hence, you can improve your relationships.
• Detecting lies and understanding someone's true intentions. With that, you can protect yourself better from harmful situations.
• Using body language for your own advantage so that you can appear a certain way and come off as more confident etc.

1. Make sure to observe someone closely.
2. Consider the context of your observation. For instance, someone might sweat because they just ran to the bus stop and not because they are lying.
3. Watch out for universal nonverbal behaviour such as stepping away.
4. Watch out for idiosyngratic behaviour that is typical for that person.
5. Consider multiple tells. Watch out for more than one behaviour.
6. Find out someone's normal behaviour.
7. Watch out for sudden changes in their behaviour.
8. Know when behaviour is authentic or acted.
9. Notice the difference between being comfortable and being uncomfortable.
10. Observe discreetly.

Our lymbic system controls our emotional responses and impulsive actions and hence, most of our nonverbal behaviour. We have no control over them, which is why they are so reliable.

We are born with three instinctive behaviours that we use when being confronted with dangerous situations or problems:

1. Our first reaction is to freeze. We stop all of our movements, try to hide ourselves and consider our actions.
2. We go into flight mode. We run away, turn away or try to get out of the situation.
3. If this doesn't help, we go into fight mode. We fight, argue or try to prove our point.

This book is one of the most insightful books I've ever read. It gives you a guide on how people are feeling based on non verbal behaviors. After I read this book I could spot a lie or a very uncomfortable person in a room. I have placed this knowledge of body language into my everyday life and continue to use it everyday.