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The Defining Decade Summary
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About The Defining Decade Book
The Defining Decade has changed the way millions of twentysomethings think about their twenties—and themselves. Revised and reissued for a new generation, let it change how you think about you and yours.
Our "thirty-is-the-new-twenty" culture tells us the twentysomething years don't matter. Some say they are an extended adolescence. Others call them an emerging adulthood. In The Defining Decade, Meg Jay argues that twentysomethings have been caught in a swirl of hype and misinformation, much of which has trivialized the most transformative time of our lives.
Drawing from more than two decades of work with thousands of clients and students, Jay weaves the latest science of the twentysomething years with behind-closed-doors stories from twentysomethings themselves. The result is a provocative read that provides the tools necessary to take the most of your twenties, and shows us how work, relationships, personality, identity and even the brain can change more during this decade than at any other time in adulthood—if we use the time well.
Also included in this updated edition:
- Up-to-date research on work, love, the brain, friendship, technology, and fertility
- What a decade of device use has taught us about looking at friends—and looking for love—online
- 29 conversations to have with your partner—or to keep in mind as you search for one
- A social experiment in which "digital natives" go without their phones
- A Reader's Guide for book clubs, classrooms, or further self-reflection
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A guide to adulthood. Practical and insightful.
Unemployment
Being unemployed in your twenties gives you freedom, and you feel like enjoying your life before the "real life" begins. But the dread of an unsecured future can be mentally draining.
So it is better to build yourself in your twenties and build your identity capital by gaining real experience. Don't worry, start with a small job which you will enjoy, and build up from it.
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The Ben Franklin Effect
If someone does a favor for you, they feel good about it and subconsciously they start liking you.
As long as the help you ask for is not a burden for them, they will feel good about being good. So don't hesitate to ask for help.
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Passion
Don't just build your career around your passion blindly. You may end up being jobless, or barely making ends meet. The truth is that you have to work hard, no matter how passionate you are about something.
Find something that is satisfying enough, so that you can work on it for a long time but also ensure that you will be sufficiently paid for that work.
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It’s important to start planning out your life when you have most access to resources and time is on your side.
How You Should Start Planning In Your 20’s
You should start thinking about career paths, family, and overall goals for your life in order to start working towards them.
Your 20’s is the time when people are more willing you give you opportunities.
if you don’t start now when you are seeking for those opportunities people will ask why you didn’t start sooner
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Career Objectives
Many people will often choose a job that isn’t getting them capital.
capital is the experience you gain from a job related to the field you want to enter, or something that will make your resume more solidified.
when you gain Capital you gain self efficacy. You’re now more sure of yourself because of your past experience.
when facing a choice between a job like a barista that may pay more vs an internship that may not pay as much choose the intership because you’re gaining capital.
capital will get you more experience
more connections and will make it easier for you to move up in that industry.
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Take Advantage Of Your Weak Ties
We often surround ourselves with people who are like us.
this means that many times we’re not learning as much as we could be.
Weak ties are people that are only your acquaintances, and maybe you don’t really know them or hang out with them.
“weak ties promote, and sometimes even force, thoughtful growth and change.”
weak ties will often have a network that you don’t have access to.
By connecting with a weak tie you now have access to the weak ties network.
Our connections narrow are we grow older and busier. Take advantage of those ties now.
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The twenties are when we transform into so many new things. At this period life is full of new and surprising moments, even flashbulb memories. The twenty-something years are real-time and ought to be lived that way. In the 19th century, the average twenty-one-year-old was married and caring for a new baby. Those times school ended with high school or maybe college.
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For hundreds of years, twentysomethings moved from being sons and daughters to being husbands and wives bit within a few decades a new developmental period opened up. The twenties critical period of adulthood, they are the years when it will be easiest to start the lives we want. The period when people and personalities are poised for transformation.
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Identity Capital
Is our collection of personal assets, the repertoire of individual resources that are assembled over time. These are investments we make in ourselves, the things we do well enough or long enough that they become a part of who we are. Some identity capital goes on rèsumés such as degrees, jobs, test scores, etc., others are more personal such as how we speak, how we solve problems, where we are from, how we look, etc. Summarily, identity capital is how we build ourselves bit by bit over time. It is what we bring to the adult marketplace.
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In the defining decade, Meg Jay dissects different areas of life at 20 and how to invest in each of these areas and capitalize on your 20s as the foundational years.
Identify Capital
Invest in your career capita in your 20s. Take on jobs that bgive you the chance to learn, grow and build relationships within your field. These jobs may not be the ones that make you the most money and that's okay.
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Networks in Your 20s
Capitalising on the weak ties. Weak ties help you grow in the job market. A broad network of weak ties gives you a wider reach and great perspectives when it comes to employment.
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