You may have the desire to be known, to be famous right? Suppose you clean up the road daily, and no one even sees you, no one praises you. What do you do? You stop? So didn't you make your task to rest because of others. That's the problem. If no one stops me, I will do the wrong thing. If no one praises me, I will stop doing the right thing. Now take a deep dive. This life is yours. The control should be on you. The control is on others. What kinda life is that?
This Desire For Recognition makes you unfree.
MORE IDEAS FROM THE BOOK
Interpersonal Relationships are horizontal, not vertical. The boss, teacher, parents are not above you; you all are in the same plane. The goal of IRs is to get a Community Feeling.
3 stes forgetting community feeling:
It is obvious that you shouldn't rebuke anyone but the same is true for praising. Praising undermines one's ability. Let me explain that. What would a wife say to her kid for helping her clean the dishes? She would say "good job" or "great work". What would she say to her husband for doing the same? "good job"? NO. She would be saying "thank you". You know why?
Because the husband has the ability to clean the dishes, the kid doesn't. So indirectly when you say good job to someone, you indirectly mean that (S)he didn't have the ability to do that.
What is freedom?
Freedom is the courage to be disliked by others.
Oh that person just stared you because you were wearing a weird T-shirt, So what? That person dislikes you because you just did what he doesn't like but you do, so what? Oh, no one is praising you for what you are doing is good, so what so what so what?
You like that T-shirt, you like doing that thing, you know that is good for the society, that matters.
You were not born here to make everyone please.
This life is yours. If you have Desire for Recognition, then, sadly, you do not have the courage to accept freedom.
If you are someone who wants to be praised, means you have DFR. which means you life TOO is run by others.
Do not try be a 'special' being. There are 2 'special' beings- excelling, dumbs. They both are doing what they do becuase they are treated as 'special'. Excelling want praise, dumb want rebuke. They both lack The courage to be normal. Aren't we all normal ?
No one needs lofty goals. You have to just dance in the here and now. The life is a series of moments. There is no past, no future. Just the present.
Life is meaningless. Period.
You can give meaning to it. A grandpa even after being harmed by terrorists, has confidence in others. You give meaning to life. You can do that by following the north star. What's the north star?
Contribution to others. Obviously.
Just by following the North star, you will reach somewhere. Somewhere nobody knows. Somewhere special. Somewhere the 'dancing in the here and now' life leads to.
GOOD LUCK! I hope you do not seek any to-do list from now. Cuz you have to just dance in the here and now.😉
Learn to sperate the tasks.
Happiness is the feeling of contribution. The contribution need not be visible. (You do not need to brag for you have written a famous article, for Achievements.)
worth = how much contribution you did.
You say, oh then a bedridden or a baby has no worth. Right?
The bedridden or the baby are contributing by being alive cuz if they died, you would be sad right?
You must not value yourself on the basis of 'level of acts'. Value yourself on the 'level of being'. For being alive. Do you see any competition or jealousy here?
If you think that your past determines your present, you end up with determinism; your future has already been decided by your past. In "Adlerian psychology", we don’t think about past causes, but rather about present goals. Your past doesn’t determine your present, but rather it is the meaning that you attribute to your past.
You are unable to change only because you are making the decision not to. You probably think it’s easier to leave things as they are. If you stay like this, you can respond to events as they occur, and you can guess the results.
Courage is the solution.
... or always being right is heavy armor. It translate into defensiveness and posturing. This is very common and most of us have some degree of knower in us.
Needing to know everything is a sad experience for the knowers and everyone around them, because it leads to distrust, bad decisions, and unnecessary, unproductive conflict.
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