Learn to sperate the tasks.

  1. Do not care what people think of you. Thinking about you is their task. Your task is to be what you are. Do not act according to people. Wear what you want. eat what you want, go where you want.
  2. Do not interrupt in others' tasks. All problems you have are because of not seperating the tasks. Telling others what to eat, where to go, when to sleep, what to do is none of your jobs.

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The Courage to Be Disliked

The Courage to Be Disliked

by ICHIRO. KOGA KISHIMI (FUMITAKE.), Fumitake Koga

You may have the desire to be known, to be famous right? Suppose you clean up the road daily, and no one even sees you, no one praises you. What do you do? You stop? So didn't you make your task to rest because of others. That's the problem. If no one stops me, I will do the wrong thing. If no one praises me, I will stop doing the right thing. Now take a deep dive. This life is yours. The control should be on you. The control is on others. What kinda life is that?

This Desire For Recognition makes you unfree.

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What is freedom?

Freedom is the courage to be disliked by others.

Oh that person just stared you because you were wearing a weird T-shirt, So what? That person dislikes you because you just did what he doesn't like but you do, so what? Oh, no one is praising you for what you are doing is good, so what so what so what?

 You like that T-shirt, you like doing that thing, you know that is good for the society, that matters.

You were not born here to make everyone please.

This life is yours. If you have Desire for Recognition, then, sadly, you do not have the courage to accept freedom.

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It is obvious that you shouldn't rebuke anyone but the same is true for praising. Praising undermines one's ability. Let me explain that. What would a wife say to her kid for helping her clean the dishes? She would say "good job" or "great work". What would she say to her husband for doing the same? "good job"? NO. She would be saying "thank you". You know why?

Because the husband has the ability to clean the dishes, the kid doesn't. So indirectly when you say good job to someone, you indirectly mean that (S)he didn't have the ability to do that.

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If you are someone who wants to be praised, means you have DFR. which means you life TOO is run by others.

 Do not try be a 'special' being. There are 2 'special' beings- excelling, dumbs. They both are doing what they do becuase they are treated as 'special'. Excelling want praise, dumb want rebuke. They both lack The courage to be normal. Aren't we all normal ?

 No one needs lofty goals. You have to just dance in the here and now. The life is a series of moments. There is no past, no future. Just the present.

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Interpersonal Relationships are horizontal, not vertical. The boss, teacher, parents are not above you; you all are in the same plane. The goal of IRs is to get a Community Feeling.

3 stes forgetting community feeling:

  1. Self-acceptance: Accept yourself as you are. Affirmations don't work here.
  2. Confidence in others: have confidence in everyone as all will do you good.
  3. Contribution to others: contribution does not mean self-sacrifice. The essence of work is contribution to others.

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What's happiness?

Happiness is the feeling of contribution. The contribution need not be visible. (You do not need to brag for you have written a famous article, for Achievements.)

worth = how much contribution you did.

You say, oh then a bedridden or a baby has no worth. Right?

The bedridden or the baby are contributing by being alive cuz if they died, you would be sad right?

You must not value yourself on the basis of 'level of acts'. Value yourself on the 'level of being'. For being alive. Do you see any competition or jealousy here?

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Life is meaningless. Period.

You can give meaning to it. A grandpa even after being harmed by terrorists, has confidence in others. You give meaning to life. You can do that by following the north star. What's the north star?

Contribution to others. Obviously.

Just by following the North star, you will reach somewhere. Somewhere nobody knows. Somewhere special. Somewhere the 'dancing in the here and now' life leads to.

GOOD LUCK! I hope you do not seek any to-do list from now. Cuz you have to just dance in the here and now.😉

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  • Your present is not decided by the past.
  • Emotions don't just burst out. Every emotion is controllable.
  • All problems are interpersonal relationship problems.
  • Seperation of tasks works in parenting too. So, do not interfere in your child's homeworks. Just make him understand that he has work to do. Do not order him to do homework right now.
  • Trauma doesn't exist.
  • You can be happy now!

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