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How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
Combat avoidance and procrastination
- Use project to-do lists to outline every step involved in a particular project.
- Shrink relatively unimportant tasks to the bare minimum required for getting them done.
- Try “last things first.” Sometimes the typical final steps in a task are easier to start with than the typical first steps.
- Pretend you’re going to outsource a task and write the instructions you’d give someone else.
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Key Ideas
Why You Self-Sabotage
For many people, the fear of rejection and the fear of engulfment keep them out of relationships.
These fears are based on false beliefs, such as success or failure defines my worth as...
How You Self-Sabotage
Relationships:
- You keep yourself isolated.
- You make so many demands on your partner that he or she feels smothered and ends the relationship.
- You judge everyone you meet as not being good enough for you.
Work:
- You keep putting off looking for the kind of job you want.
- You are able to work, and say you want to, but keep living off other means.
- You stay in a job that you hate.
- You keep yourself uneducated regarding doing what you really want to do.
Healing Your Self-Sabotaging Behavior
- Notice self-judgments.
- Shift your definition of your worth, from outcomes to effort. Decide that you will define your worth by the loving actions you take for yourself and others.
- Consciously see mistakes and failure as stepping stones to success, rather than as definitions of your worth.
- Learn to be kind and compassionate toward your own feelings.
- Make a decision that you are willing to lose another person rather than lose yourself.
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Key Ideas
Self-sabotage
Self-sabotage can be defined as the action through which you undermine your worth and goals. Even though you want something, you do actions that are contrary to achieving your targ...
Self-sabotage and its diversity
Self-sabotage can appear in our lives under many shapes:
- procrastination: putting off what we should be doing now
- substance abuse: consuming alcohol and drug often leads to us not reaching our goals
- chronic lateness: this will usually result in you being perceived as a not so trustworthy person
- stress eating: we all know the end of this one- poor diet or even illness
- intimacy and commitment issues: the negative consequence refers to you ending up alone.
Self-sabotage and its causes
Studies revealed two main causes of self-sabotage:
- modeling: individuals tend to self-sabotage as they grew up seeing this in their parents' behavior
- power: persons may tend to self-sabotage by entering into relationships with people who are, one way or another, inferior to them
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Key Ideas
You have an eye on the exit
You avoid anything that leads to a bigger commitment. You're always wondering: "if it goes wrong, how can I extricate myself easily from this relationship?"
Because comm...
You gaslight your partner
The aim of Gaslighting is to deny the other person's reality or experiences. It is a sign that you don't really believe your partners' feelings are real.
For example, if your partner says: "I'm really upset that you canceled our date", you respond with something like: "You're not really upset, it's your fault I canceled and you're just trying to blame me for it."
You are known as a "serial dater"
You break up with partners on the slightest of issues, only to start dating another person right away and repeat the cycle.
You don't want to be seen as a "player" but you can't seem to find someone who you can commit to.