Assertiveness Is Not Selfish - Deepstash
Assertiveness is a virtue that anyone can develop with practice | Psyche Ideas

Assertiveness is a virtue that anyone can develop with practice | Psyche Ideas

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Assertiveness Is Not Selfish

Practice makes assertiveness easier, just as it improves language fluency.

You can’t stop people making demands on your time and energy, but you can develop the skills to protect yourself – and doing so isn’t arrogant, selfish, uncooperative or any of the other things you’re worried about. 

The Quest For Assertiveness

The Quest For Assertiveness

A Google search of ‘How to be more assertive’ returns more than 22 million results. Women have more trouble with assertiveness than men do.

A study by the Gender Action Portal at Harvard University found that, in salary negotiations, women concede earlier than men, anticipate greater backlash, and are discouraged by others’ perceptions of assertiveness as a non-feminine trait.

Moderation And A Virtuous Character

  • Aristotle was concerned with how to live a good life. A good life for humans requires a virtuous character. Virtues are character traits that exist at the mid-point of a spectrum between two vices. 
  • Tact is a virtue, which we find on a spectrum between the vices of dishonesty and brutal honesty. Courage lies between recklessness and cowardice. Friendliness lies between surliness and obsequiousness.
  • The belief that virtue lies in moderation is not unique to Aristotle; we also find it in Confucianism, Buddhism, and Islam.

Anxiety And Assertiveness

Anxiety leads to all-or-nothing thinking about assertiveness: we wish we could stand up for ourselves, but we’re afraid that we’ll be arrogant if we do, so our options shrink to a binary choice between ‘walkover’ and ‘arrogant’, and we continue to be too accommodating. 

Learned Assertiveness

Moving in the direction of assertiveness is uncomfortable for people who aren’t used to it. We need to develop the right habits, and that comes through practice.

Community, education, and role models are important in this process. By surrounding ourselves with assertive people, following their example, and drawing on their advice and mentorship, we learn to be assertive.

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