There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?

... and says, “Give me a whiskey and … cola.”“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”

A bear walks into a bar 

What’s Forest Gump’s password?

Between you and me, something smells.

What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Any dog, because buildings can’t jump.

What breed of dog can jump higher than buildings?

What do you call a magic dog?

In case she needed to draw blood.

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work?

Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?

It needed help figuring out its problems.

Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor?

Because they are easy to see through.

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

He kept leaving little messages around the house.

Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles

Stop looking! I’m changing!

What did one traffic light say to the other?

How do you throw a space party?

Because they make up everything.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

I invented a new word!

What did the pirate say when he turned 80?

Throw him in the mainstream.

How do you drown a hipster?

Because it has a million degrees!

Why doesn’t the sun go to college?

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Because you should never drink and derive.

Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties?

What did the 0 say to the 8?

They don’t meet the koalafications.

Why aren’t koalas actual bears?

What is an astronaut’s favorite part on a computer?

He drank the coffee before it was cool.

Why did the hipster burn his mouth?

A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

What do you call a fake noodle?

Make me one with everything.

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?

She looked at me surprised.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

He just needed a little space.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?

... “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

A man tells his doctor...

Happy mood boosters: Here are some short jokes to get anyone giggling.

For when you need a fast funny joke, here are some short jokes to get anyone giggling.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

Similar ideas to Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

You can’t go backward

The story you want to hear

Applying The Silent Treatment To A Partner