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Instead of Work-Life Balance, Try Focusing on Boundaries
Your Boundaries With Others
By sharing some details of your boundary practice with the people in your life, you give them an opportunity to support your goals instead of constantly tempting you with invitations that threaten to step on the lines you’ve drawn.
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Boundaries Instead Of Balance
It’s fine to value stability, but since life isn’t still, putting balance on a pedestal is problematic.
Developing a boundary-setting practice will allow you to reconfigure how your day and week is going to play out based on professional responsibilities and personal needs and not freak out if one day is all work and zero play.
Boundaries Based on Your Priorities
When you learn to set boundaries based on your various priorities and obligations, you’ll feel in control and at liberty to make decisions that work for you and the kind of life you want to lead — not the kind of life you’re supposed to lead.
Your Boundaries With Others
By sharing some details of your boundary practice with the people in your life, you give them an opportunity to support your goals instead of constantly tempting you with invitations that threaten to step on the lines you’ve drawn.
Defining Your Boundaries by Failing
Sometimes you have to slip up to learn about your boundaries; redefining them is a part of the process. Pushing yourself too hard, or underestimating how long something takes will help you draw better, clearer lines in the future.
Correctly identifying what you need to comfortably achieve your goals takes some time.
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NO boundaries = little self-esteem
The first step to change is admitting this.
Your boundaries are your values. Boundaries are representative of how much or little you respect yourself.
Choose your core values
You must make your boundaries about you.
Once you get clear about what matters most to you, then you can take the bigger step of communicating that to the others.
You can't change others
You are not responsible for what they say, their reactions or for the daily choices they make.
Since you can't change other people, change how you deal with them. They may be motivated to change if their old ways no longer work.
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The signs of burnout
- You dread going to work in the morning.
- You show up late or find reasons to leave early.
- You feel bored or don’t want to engage with the work when you’re there.
- You’re ...
Find friends outside of work
If your only friends are your friends at work, it'll be more challenging to avoid work on evenings and weekends. If you do have coworkers as close friends, consider setting some boundaries around work talk.
Try to avoid getting drawn into office drama, as it will increase the time you spend talking and thinking about work.
Speak up
Speak up when your workload is too much. Tell your boss if you are stretched too thin or when you regularly work too many hours. Talk about what you can reasonably get done in a week.
Also, don't say yes to everything. If you have a hard time saying no, don't respond immediately. Instead say, "Let me get back to you", or, "Let me think about that."
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The Four Burners Theory
Imagine that your life is represented by a stove with four burners on it: family, friends, health, your work.
The Four Burners Theory says that “in order to be successful you...
Life is made a tradeoffs
Options to maximize all areas of life:
- Outsource Burners: you can keep the burner running without spending your time on it.
- Embrace Constraints and try to be effective within those limits. Well designed limitations can improve your performances.
- Break your life into seasons: You don’t have to give up on your dreams forever, maybe you need to let go of something for this season.