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How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials

Stay Cool and Manage Stress

How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool. 

  • If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air. 
  • If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. 

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How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials

How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence ― 6 Essentials

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/communication-success/201410/how-increase-your-emotional-intelligence-6-essentials

psychologytoday.com

7

Key Ideas

Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence (EQ or EI) can be defined as the ability to understand, manage, and effectively express one's own feelings, as well as engage and navigate successfully with those of others.

EQ can evolve and increase with our desire to learn and grow.

Reduce Negative Emotions

... so they don't overwhelm you and affect your judgment. 

In order to change the way you feel about a situation, you must first change the way you think about it. 

Increased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for my dream job. I’ll be devastated if they don’t hire me.”
Decreased fear of rejection: “I’m applying for three exciting positions. If one doesn’t pan out, there are two more I’m well qualified for.”

Stay Cool and Manage Stress

How we handle stressful situations can make the difference between being assertive versus reactive, and poised versus frazzled. When under pressure, the most important thing to keep in mind is to keep our cool. 

  • If you feel nervous and anxious, put cold water on your face and get some fresh air. 
  • If you feel fearful, depressed, or discouraged, try intense aerobic exercises. Energize yourself. 

Express Difficult Emotions

One method to consider when needing to express difficult emotions is the XYZ technique - I feel X when you do Y in situation Z. 

Avoid using sentences that begin with "you" and followed by accusation or judgment, such as "you are...," "you should...," or "you need to... ." 

Stay Proactive, Not Reactive

  • When you feel angry and upset with someone, take a deep breath and count slowly to ten. In most circumstances, by the time you reach ten, you'll figure out a better way of communicating the issue.
  • Try to put yourself in the difficult individual’s shoes, even for just a moment. For example, consider the person you’re dealing with, and complete the sentence: “It must not be easy…. ”

Bounce Back from Adversity

With every challenging situation we encounter, ask questions such as “What is the lesson here?” 

Ask constructive questions based on learning and priorities, and we can gain the proper perspective to help us tackle the situation at hand. 

Express Intimate Emotions

Sharing intimate feelings with someone in an appropriate relationship, in a manner that's nourishing and constructive, and being able to respond affirmatively when the other person does the same.

SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:

Emotional Intelligence( EQ/EI)

Is the measure of an individual’s abilities to recognise and manage their emotions, and the emotions of other people, both individually and in groups.

Benefits of a higher EQ
  • Ease in forming and maintaining interpersonal relationships and in ‘fitting in’ to group situations.
  • A better understanding one's own psychological state, which can include managing stress effectively and being less likely to suffer from depression.
IQ and EQ

There is no correlation between IQ and EQ scores.

IQ has no connection with how people understand and deal with their emotions and the emotions of others (EQ). 

You simply can’t predict emotional intelligence based on how smart someone is.

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Emotional intelligence (EQ)

EQ is the ability to be able to recognize and regulate your own emotions, while also empathizing with others and maintaining an awareness of their reactions.

EQ can be developed with p...

Know thyself

Having a deep understanding of yourself provides you with more accurate perceptions of how you are coming across to others. 

To increase your self-awareness, make an effort to reflect on your strengths, developmental opportunities, triggers, values, and the like so that you are intimately familiar with what makes you tick. 

Be open to feedback and criticism

Weighing feedback can help you guard against blind spots. It can assist you in recognizing if your behaviors are having the effects you are intending.

If they aren't, you can adjust your actions or apologize accordingly (or mindfully choose not to do either).

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EQ and performance

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the key attribute that distinguishes outstanding performers and is the leading differentiator between employees whose IQ and technical skills are approximately...

Grow your emotional intelligence
  • Be honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses
  • Acknowledge any stress or anxiety you’re feeling and resolve it before moving forward
  • Don’t take everything personally, and strive to accept other’s actions as a reflection of them instead of you
  • Be proactive, not reactive
  • Be sensitive to emotional signals (tone of voice, body language, eye contact to understand your counterpart).
Challenging our assumptions
Challenging our assumptions

We often make assumptions about others based on the way they look.

The person who may seem unsociable and grumpy may not be that way at all. But we can only find that out once we make an ef...

Increasing our listening skills

The best way to talk to strangers is to ask for their opinion on a matter. People love expressing their views. We can then focus our attention on what they say and use it to discover further what they think.

Asking open-ended questions is the key to developing this type of communication.

Moving out of our comfort zone

The more challenging we find it to talk to strangers, the more we will grow in that area when we take action, and the easier it will become.

When we challenge ourselves and move out of our comfort zone, we experience personal growth.

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What Emotional Fitness is

It's the idea that in order to lead healthy, happy emotional lives we need consistent habits and exercises that support our mental health and wellbeing.

The Benefits of Emotional Fitness
  • Decreased stress: you learn to manage your triggers.
  • Better communication in relationships: it helps you to tolerate and manage difficult emotions and then find more productive ways to work through difficulties.
  • Decreased anxiety: you train your mind to stop fearing its own emotional reactions.
  • You stick with your goals: you learn to deal with emotions like anxiety, shame, regret.
  • Increased self-awareness: you learn to build a better relationship with your emotions.
Get to know your emotions
  • Emotional clarity: Taking the time to deliberately reflect on our emotions, to observe and label them.
  • Emotional myth-busting: Eliminating myths and misconceptions floating around people’s minds about emotions. 
  • Emotional tolerance: Learning to resist short-term gratification and instead invest in long-term values.

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The 5 components of EI

  1. Self-Awareness: understanding of one’s emotions.
  2. Self-Regulation: it frees us from being prisoners of our feelings.
  3. Motivation: having an ...
There are 3 types of empathy
  • Emotional empathy: “You feel awful? Then I feel awful too!”
  • Cognitive empathy: “I understand that you are feeling awful. That must suck.”
  • Compassion: “You feel awful? I feel for you. How can I help?”

Compassion is what we focus on for emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence

It's the ability to accurately perceive your own and others’ emotions, to understand the signals that emotions send about relationships, and to manage your own and others’ emotions.

Emotional clarity

It means that we have a good understanding of how we feel emotionally. 

Label your emotions

Use plain language. The more fluent you are with real emotional language, the more clearly you will be able to think about how you’re feeling.

Clarify your emotions

Get used to the idea of emotional complexity. When we feel upset, we're not feeling one single emotion. We are usually experiencing a blend of many emotions.

Training ourselves to look for and see this emotional complexity is key to better understanding ourselves when we’re upset and moving on in a healthy way.

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