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7 Strategies to Deal With Difficult Family Members
Don’t try to fix the difficult person
Accept them exactly as they are.
Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort to listen and meet you halfway — you can assume that their behavior is what it has always been.
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Don’t try to fix the difficult person
Accept them exactly as they are.
Accept that they are unable to change, at least at this point in time. Unless you see real change — proof that this person is making an effort to listen and meet you halfway — you can assume that their behavior is what it has always been.
Be present and direct
Try to avoid getting into a fight-or-flight response, which inevitably leads to becoming defensive.
- Be direct and assertive when you express yourself.
- Stay focused on how you respond.
- Know when the discussion or argument has accelerated to the point of no return. If it gets to this point, stop the interaction, and leave the conversation.
Encourage difficult people to express themselves
Let them fully state their point of view about the issue/conflict/problem without interruption. What do they feel people misunderstand about them? What do they want or expect from others?
The idea is to remain as neutral as possible. Just listening may be enough to allow someone to feel like they have the opportunity to say what’s on their mind.
Watch for trigger topics
Inevitably there will be topics that represent points of disagreement and disharmony. Know what these topics are, and be extremely aware when these are brought up.
Be prepared to address these issues in a direct, non-confrontational way or to deflect the conflict if the atmosphere becomes too heated.
Some topics are off-limits
History and experiences should tell you that some subjects should be avoided at all costs.
If your experience dealing with certain issues has left you stressed out or emotionally depleted, it's best to avoid the discussion until a time when both parties are willing to move it forward in a constructive way.
It’s not about you
Usually, arguments initially center around a specific topic/disagreement/response that made a person upset. If allowed to continue, the argument can become heated, accelerating quickly to personal attacks.
Make a concerted effort to imagine it unfolding before it actually does — and then nip it in the bud.
Your own well-being comes first
Never allow any personal interaction or relationship to infringe upon or challenge your own well-being.
Visualize your boundaries, that protective territory between you and someone else.
SIMILAR ARTICLES & IDEAS:
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Key Ideas
Develop Your Self-awareness
- Learn to manage your own emotions.
- Practice noticing your feelings, thoughts, and behavior--your triggers. Document things as they com...
Be Assertive and Set Boundaries
An assertive person takes full responsibility for herself and her actions.
- Seek self-control, be fair and reasonable, take on the part of the problem that belongs to you, and keep the rest of the problem where it belongs--with the difficult person.
- Set limits and stand up for yourself so others won't take advantage.
- Use "I" statements, not "you" statements (these tend to lead to attack and blame).
Listen
- Give the difficult person a chance to finish without interrupting.
- Ask clarifying questions if confused, and use paraphrasing and mirroring to check the accuracy of hearing.
- Acknowledge the other person's feelings. So, if the other person is angry, say, "You must be feeling very frustrated..."
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Seek to understand
People tend to disagree when they don't understand each other. That does not mean you have to agree, just that you're open to hearing them out.
When you come to an understanding t...
Look beyond your own triggers
Whatever may have happened in your past, you have to find a way to get past your triggers and see that you're in a new situation with a person who doesn't mean you harm. What's triggered is usually fear and awareness of one's limitations.
Look for similarities, not differences
Look for common ground. When you concentrate on differences the space grows wider, but when you seek out what you have in common it helps bridge the gap.
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4 different types of difficult people
- The Downers (the Negative Nancys): almost impossible to please, they always have something bad to say. They complain, critique and judge.
- The Know It Alls: The...
Disengaging difficult personalities
Don't try changing people, try understanding them.
When you try to change someone they tend to resent you, dig in their heels, and get worse. The way to disengage a difficult person is to try understanding where they are coming from.
Finding The Value Language
When trying to understand difficult people, search for their value language.
A value language is what someone values most. It is what drives their decisions. For some people it is money; for others, it is power or knowledge.